TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

[Gigi1]

CHez and others, It is easier said than done sweet, but you are doing so well.
No you are not pushy hun, not at all. I had to take time to understand your view on 'spirit' as mine is different. But i am not offended as i understand we all see/feel/believe what we need. Our little girl will never come around again, our next child with be another spirit...My view only. I am very in touch with DD's spirit and she is taking care of us on the other side, waiting for us there.

I have seen my social worker, a counselor, support groups and visited a psych, revisited the midwives. All of which have been great and assured me I am normal...doesn't help too much though. My best help has come from a support group i think. They have been really good to go to a couple of times a month. Thank you for your advice hun, it is never wasted and never pushy. You are a very special woman who is coping magnificently as best you can. Yeah we are all different but that doesn't mean we can't be there for each other. My biggest challenge has been handling others, I have found that spending time on my own and other strength building activities have helped me most to stand up and cope with others.
I find that I am starting to go through things fully for the first time as we have only just started living on our own for the last couple of months. Feelings are coming to the surface and some days have hit me hard. The circumstances of this year have really mixed me up...and DH. We are trying to find ourselves again.
I am blabbing
Love HM xx
Thanks so much

[dory]

Gigi1

you're not rambling - it's good for you to let those ideas out and good for us to hear. this path we are on is incredibly demanding of us. hope things make a bit more sense soon.

[Aries]

Good Morning Ladies

Thank you for your thoughts and kind words Much appreciated.

Chez and Samcougar - my fingers are crossed that hard for you both that they are turning blue! for some BFP's for Christmas! GL xox

Blessedatlast - I will be thinking of you and your angel babies on the 3rd honey. I hope the day is peaceful for you

Beata - Hope you get your computer back to normal soon. How are you feeling? xo

Hi Teagz - hope you are feeling well too. I cant believe how quick it is all going for you and Beata!

Gigi1 - Even though I have a great family I found that a support group has been my most successful means of counselling so far too. Unfortunately there wasnt one in my area so I advertised a coffee group and have met some lovely ladies in the same situation as us. Most of them only came a few times as they are now pg again and wanted to move on really quick and focus on their new bubs. But I am always meeting new people. I have a local midwife who comes each week too and she handles questions too. Its a work in progress but its helping me greatly. Hope you going ok

Cmeglles - Sorry you found yourself in our little thread honey, but welcome. I hope you find the support that you need in here - everyone is amazing. Dont be afraid to vent, it all helps. I lost my little boy at 21 weeks from placental infection 7 months ago and I am still dumbfounded about the whole thing. Its a process thats for sure. Take care xo

Dory - I am so sorry for all of your losses. Thank you for your words about taking the time to grieve and not jump in too quick. Sometimes I feel that I want to pg NOW but realisticly thats probably why I am having so much trouble falling pg again. I have to learn to relax and take my time.

AFM - I am having a real cr@ppy time of late. The meds I am on for bringing on AF are messing me around emotionally. I feel like I havent stopped bawling for a week! The dissapointment of my last cycle was so much harder to bear while under the influence of these meds but thankfully they will stop tomorrow. DH has been wonderful - but I feel so low for him as he would dearly love to have a baby with me but I feel as though I am letting him down. He would never say that though, he's way too nice! Anyhow I have booked in to see counsellor just before Chrissy - not sure what to expect but will go to try and clear my head for the new year. Did any of you lovelies see a counsellor? Did you find it beneficial? Some days I feel fine but then others its seems so hard to bear.

Hi to everyone I have missed - I hope you are all well!!

Take care xo

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

Aries - how cr@ppy to have to go through the emotional stuff while on meds to get AF to come. I hope that things work themselves out very soon. DH and I saw a counsellor from SIDS and Kids but neither of us related to her and while she was somewhat helpful for me I chose not to go back to her. I ended feeling much more connected and understood by the psych that my GP referred me to. But they are expensive, although if you are over the Medicare safetynet it cost about $11 per session, and not for everyone. I understand the disappointment you must be feeling right now and think that seeing a counsellor before Christmas is a great idea. I wish you all the best hun.

Gigi - I am not sure what I believe about 'spirits' either and TBH I am not sure that I believe that Ryan's spirit will come to us in a different body. That was one of my friend's beliefs. I think I agree with you that we believe that he is waiting for us to meet him, which is why we buried him with an identical chain and charm to that which we both wear everyday - so he recognises us. It might sound a bit silly but it was important to us both. It must be a relief to you and DH that you are finally in a place of your own and have the privacy and space to deal with everything that has happened this year. You are such a strong and wise lady and have been through so much to get here. I truly hope that things make a turn for the better for you soon

AFM having a negative thoughts day today. I am so eager to test to see if by some miracle I am pg but at the same time I am almost 100% certain that it will be a BFN. Why should this cycle be any different? I mean I can't even get a regular cycle going at the moment so how can I possibly have a chance of conceiving? But then I am so tired in the afternoons, probably due to the long hours I am working and the early starts to go the gym, but I am getting bloated in the afternoons like I did when I was pg. So maybe I am in with a chance. I am so sick of watching and analysing everything. I never seem to be lacking in positive thoughts for other people but when it comes to me I have so much difficulty. It is like I am protecting myself by not getting my hopes up. I just can't seem to win!

Anyway, thanks for reading this far if you haven't given up.
Gotta go and get dinner ready.
Take care all
oxo

[dory]

aries - thanks for your words. you will do what is right for you. i didn't intend for you to feel judged in any way by my post and i really hope you don't feel that way. counseling has really helped me, but it's all about finding someone you connect with.

i found that for myself, trying again very soon after a loss in the end placed a lot of pressure on me. i found waiting for a bit took the pressure off and i could concentrate on healing. i am just about to see if in reality there is any difference between trying again quickly and waiting before trying again. i am thinking there won't really be much of a difference because i desperately want to fall pregnant again, so totally understand the anxiety you describe.

chez 67 - thankyou. it took me ages to find the courage to start posting, after lurking for months, and when i did post i was welcomed with genuine warmth. how wonderful is that?

if some of the things i have learnt through hard experience help someone else, then i will share. i never expected to have suffer one loss let alone multiple losses, but that's what's happened. it's easier in some ways yet harder in others dealing with multiple losses. i suppose there is less shock because the inconceivable has already occurred.

i wish i wasn't so accepting of the tragic death of my babies and wish i could wig out or get really angry, but mostly i am just sad. i feel so privileged for having the opportunity to know and love my babies however briefly and that i could ensure their time in this world was one where they were loved with all that dh and i am and have. the moment my eldest daughter was born and i held her, despite the overwhelming sadness, was truly a defining and amazing moment for both dh and me. bittersweet but amazing. it is those feelings that seem to help and carry me forward during the darkest times. the feelings were surprisingly still there for my other babies. being a mother is truly amazing, even if i am parenting in absentia, a way i never expected to parent....perhaps the strength you see in my words is a legacy of my precious little ones?

ahhh enough rambling from me. i am just really grateful to have been so warmly and genuinely welcomed to these threads. thankyou ladies.

[blessedatlast]

Hi everyone,

A selfish post.. Please read my announcement here: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...ml#post2079128 Yes I have done it.. 1 day before my babies anniversary!! What bizzare timing.. Although I am not at the point of acceptance or the belief 'Things happen for a reason' This is definitely something that never would have happened had my babies been here.. Given the choice I would take my babies any day but if I have to deal with life without my bubs I may as well get a career out of it hey!! Now, about this TTC thing, I have decided to just let it be.. I am NOT using contraception and if I fall pregnant and have to drop out well so be it.. Otherwise I could spend the next 2 yrs TTC and in that time I could have finished.. Anyway, I am rambling, my emotions are all over the shop and I am feeling a little overwhelmed.. Ok going now!!

[helle]

Now, about this TTC thing, I have decided to just let it be.. I am NOT using contraception and if I fall pregnant and have to drop out well so be it..

Aaah yes, this is the approach we took when we decided to stop waiting around for things to happen and started concentrating on planning our wedding instead. We even started using condoms again, (under instructions from my Naturopath and Dr as they both agreed I needed to chill out as my body was too run down to get pregnant) and got carried away once and forgot. Monday, April 13th.

The weekend after I had ordered in my wedding dress, that fit me like a glove, I got a +ive HPT and had to BEG the lady who sold me the dress to get it in in a bigger size to fit in a 6 month pregnant belly.



I hope your studies go well chick, there is definately a lot to be said for constructive distraction (as I like to call it) I hope all your dreams come true!

[Aries]

aries - thanks for your words. you will do what is right for you. i didn't intend for you to feel judged in any way by my post and i really hope you don't feel that way. counseling has really helped me, but it's all about finding someone you connect with.

Oh no Dory I never thought that in any way, I didnt feel judged at all. I appreciated what you wrote, it gave me another angle to look at. It made me think about my little boy and what I have missed with him gone and that I should be focussing on getting myself back together before I have the responsibility of another little one. Me getting anxious and worked up cannot be doing my body any good and maybe its even making TTC even harder. So I thank you

to everyone will be back later for personals.

xox

[cmeglles]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the warm welcome. This forum has been so helpful. I live in a small town without a support group.

Aries- I would be interested to hear if a counsellor helps. Hopefully you are feeling better.

Samcougar and Chez67- my fingers and toes are crossed for you!

blessedatlast- congrats! If it makes you feel stronger we are TTC while I am getting my MD/PhD. I guess my philosophy is not to put life on hold for my school- school can take a break for me. Good luck!

Dory- what a beautiful post. It made me cry because I know how you feel, I wish I was angry too (sometimes any other emotion). But mostly all I feel is sadness. We had footprints made and held our son and it made all the difference in the world. All I can think of is how beautiful he was. I really treasure the thought of that and how much love I have in my heart for a child.

Has anybody been shopping for Christmas gifts yet? I went with an aunt and had a very hard time, I started crying and had to leave the store. I still want to spend all my time in the area for babies, where I was heading when I was pregnant. I don't know if that is strange, or what do I do if I see something I want? Do I buy it in hopes of the next child? Anyway I think all of my shopping will be done online for a bit.

Thanks for listening.