Cheryl, thanks hun. Do most of that, Spoke to her twice and we are not that close. I was there for my nephew and not her. I have no warm and fuzzies for her and i handle it best i can. All is good hun. Just will always be hard...no ones fault. She knows that too and is thoughtful enough to not be in my face which i am grateful for. I am doing well with this, just like to vent in here. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there when we can all be so different. I was happy with how it panned out despite my post being a little melancholy. I hope you don' t get challenged with this stuff too often either hun. It sounds like you have a few things worked of for you though which is awesome. You have huge strength. Enjoy your TWW hun! Good luck and plenty of baby dust your way.

Blessedatlast- Sweet, i went and it was good. SANDS are setting up a Subsequent Pregnancy group for that very reason hun. People that are trying again or have children might feel more comfortable there. It is uncomfortable for both parties and it is good to have somewhere for each to go. Sub Preg have a huge need for support too and often enough they seem to drop off (apparently) even though they need continued support. I tend to go to the evening ones more now for the reason that sometimes kids come to the morning tea ones. I have nothing against kids, but when i am in the middle of talking about something, expressing something...and then the person i am talking to just get up mid sentence because their child is about to pull the entire tea and coffee collection off the table. I have ben guilty of taking my nephew there once and never again. I felt too guilty trying to control him and not be 100% that DH and i took turns and playing with him outside. We go there for us, for us both to talk and be heard i guess. We have found the same with some very dear friends. We very intentionally didn't go to some friends for support because we knew they wouldn't be able to be 100% there for us at a time that we needed it. I guess that was just where we were at the time. SO, for m the sub preg evenings will be somewhere i can go to ask about the experience without the conversation being sensitive. We took a lot longer to be comfortable to try again, longer than other we had met. That was just us. Man i am confused for for your cycles too!! Good luck hun and hope you get some answers.

I have gone on enough. Sorry guys...a little log winded.

AFM- Well i am in my room, Byron Bay. Big day just gone and it went well. My friend is starting to see her DS might be ADD or along those lines. There is definitely something going on there which is why I am always commenting on how exhausted i am looking after them. I love them to bits but it is not so confidence building for being a mother when you are stripped of patience, energy and creativity by the second at rapid speed. I usually have a lot of me to give. So we went to the beach today after some great one on one games and puzzles this morning. DH ran him up and down the beach which was cute. He had no idea we were trying to run him ragged!

AND...AF arrived today one day early. I have not stopped much to think about it. But the very thought in the back of my mind is enough to eat at me and make me a little shorter than normal. I kind of knew...actually i knew...so much so i bought a block of Family...dark kitkat and ate 3/4 of the whole thing with out batting an eyelid. I had dragging feeling going on and very bloated (prior to the kitkat that is)
Anyway not pregnant...better be next month as those dreams were unreal!
I just feel myself losing grip sometimes of the dream i clutch onto so tight. So many, too many years have past. I am gutted.
Love and luck to you all. xoxo