Wow - its been an eventful week for me, but seems ok now and its so nice to come back in here to check in with my friends.

Gigi1 - the organic doughnuts ( I can't spell it either). They are on the main street, in a little alcove near where Earth and Sea used to be and not to far from subway. I think there is a couple of clothes boutiques on the footpath and then maybe a jewellery store and then the organic doughnuts right at the apex of the alcove. I hope I got back to you in time. I haven't been to Byron since Earth and Sea reopened and I would love to go. Sorry about AF, but god to know you sensed her coming.

Chez, Beata - thinking about you. Chez sorry you had such a crap day.

Blessed - I LOVE your new avatar. What another beautiful way to remember Seth and Tait. I know how you feel about "new steps" in your life. I reckon it's natural to feel like that. The first game of sport I played after Amelia was born, I cried before hand, I cried during and I balled afterwards. It was so good to play and I enjoyed it, but I should have still been pregnant. But it was worth it, as just before the time I fell pg with Amelia, I was representing Qld in that sport, and to play again, it gave me such a sense of satisfaction to do something for me, even though it was hard emotionally, and I dedicated that game to Amelia, and I played like a star. She gave me that strength. I still have those feelings from time time, that I shouldn't be at work because I should be at home with a baby. It gets complicated for me, if I hadn't had a blighted ovum then I wouldn't have been pg with Amelia, if Amelia hadn't died, I wouldn't have been pg with the twins. If the twins hadn't died I wouldn't be pg now. There is no way I can sort through all of that, and try to understand where I would have been. I am where I am, is the best I can do, otherwise it does my head in.

Well AFM I ended up having an emergency appointment with my ob on Tuesday 2 Feb as when I was at work I discovered some bleeding and passed a clot. So it was a quick call to the ob at 2.30pm who said come in at 4.15pm. I went home and rested in between. I was so frightened, and certain I was having a m/c. Anyway, glad I went, got some news I didn't expect - all looks good, bub was where bub should be, dates are spot on, bubs is the right size, the egg yoke is a good size, cervix long and closed, bubs heartbeat very strong and regular, and nothing untoward obvious on ultrasound. I think it made it real for DH that there is really a bub and not just a figment of the imagination of his queasy, tired, hungry, moody and scared wife. We have a little momento picture from the ultrasound. Its the world to me. Ob was fantastic as usual. But he's pretty worried about this pg, and wants to see me weekly from 12 weeks. Luckily we live quite close to his rooms, but that's just by chance. Ob wants me to consider giving up work.

Big decisions ahead for me. It's hard because my brain still works so I can still think and read, so I can do that part of my job, but the other parts of my job perhaps not. I will think about it, talk to HR at work and come up with a plan. I guess not working would give me a lot more time to spend with the cats! And depending on how I am going, visiting friends. No housework though, so for the first time in my life I think I might have to get a maid. They are the things I missed going back to work, the cats, my friends, and having heaps of time for the housework and having a clean house. Weird huh for all my liberation and education, having a clean house is something that gives me a sense pride.

So DH still had the day off today for his birthday but no scan. We snuggled and then had pancakes for breakky. I then read and snoozed - excitement plus, and DH read. He's now on the computer I think. Just like me. Big nerds!

I won't be seeing my ob again for a scheduled appointment until 16 March, also the nuchal translucency scan day, but as always his door is always open for a reassurance scan/appointment. I am so glad I managed to find such a caring ob. Makes a world of difference to have your anxieties validated and patiently listened to and not mocked or brushed away. I certainly didn't think to ask about how the ob dealt with recurrent m/c patients when I first made an appointment, but certainly hit the jackpot.

Take care girls. I think of you a lot, and you are always in my heart.