Thanks for the welcome ladies. I might not be around much as we're not TTCing yet, but I can live vicariously through you
It's good to know there are people who can relate, even if the circumstances are different.
Beata - thanks for your story about your two sons. I think I'll probably want a little boy until I find out it's a girl, then I'll love her with all my heart. And if we have a little boy, that would be wonderful and I'll try not to project my longing for Leo on him. And hopefully it won't harm him if I do.
Powelly - you're right. I do have 1000 things going on in my head, not least of which is missing my son. I know each child is different and will be loved for themselves (hey I'm a 3rd child, so it must be true). Maybe I'm overanalysing things. I do really feel part of me died with Leo, so I won't be able to offer future children my self as I used to be. Hopefully the woman I am now will be good enough.
Tess - I also want the bad nights and the breastfeeding problems my friends are going through. In fact I reserve the right to whinge about them as much or more when my time comes I've read Spirit Baby - it's lovely. I guess my job is to get as healthy as possible for the next pregnancy, try not to freak out too much during it and love whomever comes with all my heart. Fx this is your month. I hope you're getting help for the PTSD. I found writing Leo's birth story incredibly difficult, but it did help to get it out there. See if you can write it for yourself- you don't have to share it if you don't feel up for it. But if you do, you'll get a lot of support. Have you seen the thread for debriefing traumatic births?
Unfortunately as it turns out we are carriers for a genetic disease that Leo had, we have a 25% chance each pregnancy of this occuring again. We're waiting for Leo's DNA to be analysed to see if they'll be able to provide prenatal testing (via CVS) in future pregnancies. I hate to think about it, but if this reoccurred, we would not continue the pregnancy. We could never put another child or ourselves through this again. So we need to feel strong enough to risk that before we TTC again.
I've read Spirit Baby - it's lovely. I guess my job is to get as healthy as possible for the next pregnancy, try not to freak out too much during it and love whomever comes with all my heart. Fx this is your month. I hope you're getting help for the PTSD. I found writing Leo's birth story incredibly difficult, but it did help to get it out there. See if you can write it for yourself- you don't have to share it if you don't feel up for it. But if you do, you'll get a lot of support. Have you seen the thread for debriefing traumatic births?
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