Hello Lovely Ladies.

tashybabe - I am so sorry you (or anyone) finds themselves here. But I hope you can find some comfort in the hard times. I know, I dont express myself very often, but I found alot of comfort realising I am not alone, There are many different stories and none quiet feel as bad as your own, but all in all, we are all suffering the loss of our child/ren. It binds us in a way no other parent (who hasnt lost) knows. Actually, I do think it kind of binds us all in a way we cant even fathom.

Nothing will change the yearning for the void that little Leo left in your life. When Matthew passed, all I wanted was to have what other mothers were complaining about (sleepless nights, exploding nappies etc etc) I wanted my new carpets pooed and vomited on. I wanted Matthew despretly. I can certainly understand the gender side of things, we decided to TTC straight away, even though I had gone through a full term pregnancy, and it was really going to take 3 months to have my body ready. And now a few days after knowing wether this is the month.... and I have a excited / petrified feelng. Close freinds ask me if I have a preference, or if I am trying gender swaying. I too thought Matthew was a girl, and was actually a little disappointed when we found out otherwise. Now I would like nothing more in the world than a Boy... as maybe he carries matthews Spirit with him. There is a thread on here somewhere about spirit babys, it is a good way of thinking and helped me make the decision to start again. Spirit baby Please take the time to read, all I know is it helped me think this way, when I was lost in the fog.

Kateo - I am sorry your having a rough month this month, try to keep your chin up sweetie!!

Powelly - GL for Thursday, dont you love all the testing and prodding... AND YAY for the positive attitude.

AFM - Well I am in the last 4 days of cycle, and as I explained I do think this is our month. My temp is still up over 37.3 (as of last night. Cramping this morning though, and generally ill. I dont get symptoms with my pregnancys, but who knows. My SIL had her baby on Friday, and I was gutted. but excited at the same time. I have decided to give them a wide berth until start of November when I know if we have been successfull. Also, I have been finally diagnosed with PTSD (port traumatic stress disorder, directly related to the labour and birth of Matthew. I am thinking about posting my story, not sure yet though.

Baby Dust to all.... (I have a feeling a few of you will be joining me on the journey with me this month..) or is that being too positive...