I hear you hun. I am very sure our family (from knowing their beliefs) think we are 'holding on' to this tragic event in our lives for what we can get from it...dwell, attention, drama, pity, and the rest. If only they knew it is really just a part of us. To deny it would damage/hurt us more. It is hard to explain that the joy is present in our life but it also comes with a shadow. Both can be present and you can still find happiness.

I read that book- Buddhism for Mothers, through the meditation. It was a perfect read for such a venture. Accepting 'suffering' in our life is part of it. Learning from it...The Self Discovery- you mentioned, is all part of it. I have learned so much from what we have been through. I certainly have my dark days but we are also happy.
Oh it can be confusing can't it.

You and me both....under wet cement. There were moments i felt like i was going to explode followed by pure peace. I learnt that i don't have to commentate everything- although i often still try. My listening has improved as has my mindfulness of any given moment. It was also really cool to watch life flow....moment by moment that no moment stays, everything has an end. Impermanance! I was able to watch my frustration raise and then fade away. So so cool!

I am glad you had a nice Xmas hun. I am sorry your fam don't mention your bubs. That makes me sad. Our family are getting better at it but i also respect they have their own way of remembering. I still have a massive fear that they are all waiting for us to fall pregnant so we are 'fixed' and happy again. Oh how little people understand.

Happy New Year gorgeous. I am sure it will be filled with the bitter/sweet moments of motherhood in the truest sense of the word!
I absolutely love your honesty.

Love and Happiness to you all.
I will leave you with a quote from the book i was reading that i think i might put my wall in some sort of arty farty way...i love it.

Life is mostly froth and bubble
Two things stand like stone
Kindness in another's trouble
Courage in your own.
--- Adam Lindsay Gordon

Oh my so so true!! We can count on each other but most of all ourselves...our inner strength is just mind blowing.
xoxoxoxoxox