TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after 1st trimester ~ NOV/DEC 07

[Katiegirl]

Hi Everyone. I have just been reading through your posts and you all inspired me to write. Whilst we have not yet begun to embark on TTCing again, I thought I would pop in to ease myself back into this.

I lost our baby Nathaniel 2 weeks ago - found out at the 20 week scan that he had passed around the 15 week mark but I was able to carry until 20 - and then had a D&C. I had minimal bleeding after the D&C and I was hoping for a perfect (you would think I would know by now that this word does not truly exist) recovery. After 8 or so days of no bleeding, I started again this Saturday. I am now day 3 of bleeding - could this be my AF? I tried calling my Ob but he is on holiday until the end of the week.

We will start TTCing soon, but need to wait for 1 full cycle - so if I am having my AF now, it will be another whole month as this really is not a proper cycle.

As awful as it is to find others that have experienced the same pain and grief as my DH and I have, it is so comforting to hear others say how they feel their lives are changed for ever, and that their dreams have been shattered. This was our first preg and we were so excited. I am starting back at work on Wed, after 2 weeks off since finding our about the baby, and I am dreading it. I was going to finish up in Feb and become a SAHM, and now instead I have to accept that all this is on hold and that work is going to have to become a priority again. At times, I feel so lost and empty.

So, hopefully I will be able to join you all soon on the TTC journey. I am going to really need your support as I am feeling quite negative and terrified about trying again. Good luck to you all and I hope your journeys end the way you dream.

[Auntie M]

howdy everyone, it is so quiet in here.
Karly- i am so sorry for your losses, and i hope you find the support here that has been so critical to me. big hugs to you in your grief and struggles with ttc.
Katiegirl- i am so sorry for your loss of Nathaniel. ikwym about not wanting to have anyone else go through this pain, but it is so comforting to talk to others who know instantly what one is feeling and struggling with. i have no information about whether 8 days is long enough for a cycle, it doesn't seem like it would be to my unprofessional opinion, but it would be best to seek knowledgeable help. perhaps your doc's nurse can answer more quickly? big hugs.

[Anthonysmom]

Katiegirl - I too found out at my 20 week scan that I had lost my son. I bled on and off for almost three weeks. It would go away for a couple of days and then come back again. I would be surprised if you got AF after only 8 days. But as you said it could be a perfect recovery and I think we all deserve a perfect something. good luck

barbara

[Katiegirl]

Hi and thanks for your suppport. I also don't think it is a real period - it is probably and unfortunately leftover blood from the D&C. I was really hoping that after 8 days of no bleeding at the D&C that all was recovering - but it does not look like it. I have no pain or cramps so I will wait for my Ob to call me back at the end of this week.

Can I ask if you all stayed with your previous health care provider? I like my Ob etc but we have been thinking we will change to an Ob my sister used a few years ago. My Ob is very laidback etc and he did not see me at all between 12 and 20 weeks. I think next time I will need someone a bit more full on (can't think of the word I want to use), as I know I will be a nervous wreck.

[Anthonysmom]

I stayed with my OB group but am now seeing a different doctor in the group (but not for m/c reasons). I would consider changing OBs if I were you. I saw a doctor at 8 weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks and then again at 20 weeks. At this point you don't want to have any more doubts then you will inevitably have. You need to feel as comfotable with the process as possible. and by the way I am at 5 weeks post m/c and am still waiting for AF

barbara

[Katiegirl]

Hi Barbara. Thanks for the advice. I have had my DH, mother and 2 sisters all tell me that they think I need to change Obs. It is not because he has been incompetent or anything - in fact I like him a lot, but rather that I will need someone who will see me a lot (they all had 16 week appointments and can't understand why I didn't). I have my follow up with him in January - so have a lot of questions etc.

Do you know if they did any blood tests on you as well as Anthony? I know that tests are being done on Nathaniel, but as far as I am aware none have been carried out on me? My sister lost 2 babies in her 2nd trimester - and she said that blood tests were done on her after her 1st M/C to test for blood clots etc. I am worried that it will be too late for them to do any tests on me. That is another thing I will need to speak to my Ob about.

Also - why is it that they say to wait for 1 whole cycle? I know there is a chance of infection if you start TTCing too early - but what about after I have stopped bleeding etc - why the long wait? It is more for dating purposes? I am going to have so many questions for my Ob when he returns! Poor guy won't know what hit him.

[Anthonysmom]

katie - I know how you feel about having tons of questions. I keep mine in a notebook and plan on taking it with me to the OB on Jan 4. Anthony had blood work, genetic testing, and an autopsy performed on him. Unfotunatley we had no answers. I will be having blood tests taken when I go on Jan 4. My Ob says they can't do blood tests on the mother until 6 weeks after the MC. SO you should definately be able to get it done. My OB said they test for a ton of things like blood clots, hormone deficiency, lupus, autoimmunie diseases, etc, etc. As far as waiting one cycle I agree with you. It feels like an eternity. I know they want to wait for your uterine lining to go back to full strength, which takes longer after a D&C. I think there are other reasons as well. Make sure to ask as many questions as you want to the doctor. That is what they are there for.ANd honestly I am concerned that your OB didnt see you for 8 weeks. That just doesn't seem right. I have a million "what ifs". Like they moved my scan from Nov 8 to the 13. I can't get the thought out of my head that if my scan had been sooner maybe they could have saved my son. The fewer "what ifs" you can have the better you are.

[naomij]

Hi Katiegirl
I too found out at my 20 week scan that my little boy was not going to survive and delivered him at 22 weeks. He lived for one precious hour. I changed OBs immediately as I didnt feel at all supported. My new OB is fantastic - he had a plan all ready for me when I fell pg this time (without me nagging) and I am having blood tests and scans weekly until 12 weeks then fortnightly scans til 23 weeks. It has helped my sanity so much. Also by having the weekly bloods he has discovered my progesterone is very low and may have been the reason for my previous m/c's. I am now using 2 pessaries daily to help the bean stick! Good luck and feel free to chat anytime.

Naomi

[Katiegirl]

Hi Naomi - are you able to tell me the name of your Ob? It seems silly, but I feel a little guilty for wanting to change Obs, as he is very nice and extremely well regarded. It is not that I think he did anything wrong, except maybe not seeing me for 8 weeks - and whilst I know nothing could have saved Nathaniel, it would have saved me thinking that my pregnancy was progressing and I was half way there.

I will keep you in my prayers that you will have this precious baby in your arms in 2008. Good luck with the pregnancy.

[tempus moriendi]

Karly: so sorry for your loss. I?ll be keeping you in my prayers. Unfortunately, I don?t know much about those diagnoses.

Katiegirl: sorry for your loss, too. Prayers and cyber hugs. And yeah, I?ve stayed with my ob?s. If they ask you to wait after a d&c it?s for preventing infection. but even after a ?natural? miscarriage they usually want you to wait, thinking that it lets the hormones get back to normal and the endometrium.

[naomij]

KatieGirl - my new OB is Mark Umstad - he specialises in high risk pg's so you have to go through a bit of a screening to get in to see him but he is wonderful at reassuring me and pre-empting my concerns. He is at Frances Perry which is part of the Royal Womens - his number is 9221 5044.

Dont feel bad about changing Obs - apparently lots of women do it especially after a traumatic loss because they generally want to "start fresh".

Look after yourself
Naomi

[Katiegirl]

Thanks Naomi. I might even see if I can see Mark prior to conceiving. I like the idea of changing obs (even though for some strange reason I am sad to have to farewell Cabrini - I love the idea of that hospital!). I have looked through the forum and it is obvious that Mark Umstad is very highly regarded. Do you think I would get in to see him - even though this is my first MC? Due to my sister also having 2 late MCs, I am concerned that this does put me into a high risk category.

Do you think he would be open to see me prior to conception?

[naomij]

KatieGirl - Im not sure what his criteria for high risk is but I think you need to have had recurrent miscarriage, complex medical status (for the mother), infertility issues etc. Its worth calling and asking though - his receptionists are lovely and will tell you over the phone if you would be able to see him or not. He would definitely want to meet you prior to conception though - in fact I tried to get in to him when I was pg with Ethan and I couldnt because he hadnt accepted me prioir to getting pg. This time I saw him as soon as we lost Ethan and he accepted me as a patient and then I just called hm when I got pg. He works with a group of great OBs though so even if you cant see him they might recommend another OB.

Good luck

Naomi

[Katiegirl]

Hi Naomi.

I just called Mark's office and they have booked me in for late February. So will see how things go. I guess if I was to fall pregnant prior to this it would be a different sort of consultation.

Are you able to tell me what his fees are like? I have private health so not a problem in that sense, but more interested. Thanks

[klee]

Katie - hi i'm so sorry for your loss of Nathaniel, i actually didn't think mark woudl not see you, being that you are high risk in that you had a late miscarriage, ie after 12 weeks, i think its defined slightly different medically to a miscarriage before 12 weeks. hoping no one takes offence to that, not meaning to offend anyone. I too changed obs, i'm public but am going to the maternal fetal medicine unit at the RWH, on advice from the ob we saw at our 6 wk check up after the loss of our daughter, we are happy with them at the moment, and have only heard good stories about rwh, fp house, and mark umstad, one of the other ladies here is also going to them, see if she can help too.

[Mel1977]

Hi Katie,

I am so sorry to hear about Nathaniel I am a patient of Mark's and at the time I originally saw him back in December '06 I was in the TWW and therefore could have been pregnant. He was well aware of this fact and was more than happy to see me regardless, and has seen me ever since. It has taken us this long to get pg and every time I rang him he was so nice, I have seen him quite a few times in the last year and spoken to him more times than I am sure he would like to remember! Klee is right that Nathaniel would not be considered your everyday miscarriage (sorry no offence meant here either) as you went past 12 weeks. Also, the fact that he passed at 15 weeks you would still be considered to have gone to 20 weeks gestation. He has been a lifesaver for me and was the only dr to be able to diagnose my blood condition and I believe he will see you in Feb even if you fall pg beforehand ( you do).

His is probably not considered a "cheap" specialist even with health insurance taken into account. However, I do believe in these circumstances you get what you pay for. I was a little scared when I got the fees but I even so I would not even consider going to anyone else... I fully believe that if anyone can give my DH and I a healthy baby it is him!

Good luck with everything, you are in wonderful hands... If you need anything just yell.

Mel

[Katiegirl]

Thanks you to both Klee and Mel. I feel so much better about calling and making the appointment after everything you and Naomi have said about Mark. The fees did scare me when I asked about them - I wasn't expecting a 30 week fee as well, but if it means that I am able to relax a little more and be confident that we will have a baby then I am happy to pay for anything!

I have also booked in to see a naturopath at Fertile Grounds in early January to help me lose some weight and get my body into good health again. I feel like I am taking positive steps.

Fingers crossed for all of us. I hope you enjoy your pregnancies as you certainly deserve to. Looking forward to hearing about your journeys towards your due dates.

[naomij]

KatieGirl - Thats great news. As you can tell from the posts, he is great and hopefully will help sort out any issues you may have - that was the main reason I suggested you see him before getting pg. He can run all the tests, and get you doing things if needed before conception. For me I had to take mega doses of folate and some other meds which I now know have been shown to help prevent miscarriages. I didnt think I would be considered "high risk" but he said I was because of the recurrent m/c's and having Misoprostil to deliver 3 of my 4 pg's (it increases your risk of a shortened cervix-I had no idea) - as well as the increased risk of another baby with neural tube defects!

I also see a acupuncturist and chinese herbalist who I absolutely credit with getting us pg both this time and the last one. I have had bleeding for the last 2 weeks and she has been able to use needles to stop the bleeding (and calm me down too). My friend went to Fertile Ground and said they were great - which part of Melbourne do you live in? I can give you my ladies number if you want? She is very cheap and is also studying to be a mid wife so will attend your delivery if she is able. She came to Ethans and helped me through a really tough time!

Mel1977- I hope everything went well for you and DH today. Looking forward to catching up with you and Klee and S & K in January?

Anyway, enough from me
Naomi