I'm back!!! I had a good read through the posts and i am all geared up for personals!!!! Sit back and relax.........

Naomi... I feel for you regarding your sister!! I cant beleive that some people still have to stop and think that things might upset you. You would think that they would just be able to understand, but no- they have no idea the effect that things like this have on us. They are too wrapped up in their happiness to think of our saddness still lingering. I have my nephews 1st Birthday coming up, it is 3 weeks before Zahra's 1st Anniversary of her death and i know that if i was to go the whole time i would be thinking about what i wont be doing in 3 weeks time.
And do you think my sister has called me to see how i will be feeling???/??? NOpe- in her eyes it has been nearly a year so it shouldnt matter anymore. I am unsure if i even feel like sending him a present via my mum, i am starting to get a tad bitter.

Plus to top it off- she is pregnant again- due the day Zahra was (Dec 24th), so my sister is exactly at the duration i was this time last year- to the FU#KING day. I havent seen her once since she found out she was pregant- i just cant. She says she didnt plan it (is that supposed to make me feel better hey? You just cant stop having babies- even when you dont want them, and i have been trying for 5 years with no luck, but its ok, coz you didnt plan it )

And to be perfectly honest- i hope her pregancy keeps being exactly like mine. with the very same outcome. (sorry- way harsh its the first time i have actually admitted to thinking that, i nearly back spaced it away- but im not going to because right now it is how i feel. That is sad, but it is the way it is today- sorry)

When you are up to it- i would like to hear more details of your journey so far. i find typing it is sooo much easier then having to tell it face to face- i can type my feelings for hours!! I still cry- but its just me and the computer (as long as i dont get called to the bar!!!) and i feel better after getting it all out. But i do tend to rave on a bit... haha but it works for me!!!

Georgi.... To find the TTC journals- scroll down to the very bottom of your screen, on the left hand side there is a tool bar for forum jumps. Click on the arrow and scroll down till you get to TTC journals- hit on that and then look thru the journals till you find StarBright, and thats me! Nice to have some new/old faces in here. I hope that you find some peace in here and we can have some BFPs soon!!!

JO.....How are you going love? I bet the house is quiet today!! Have you had any more progress with DH's little men? I noticed on lullaby conceptions they have a tester thing for swimmers. It tests morphology and something else. Its one you can do at home- it was about $60-$80 thou and i dont know how many tests that was for- but it might be worth checking out for him. If you google lullaby you will find it. you can order them online and send a postal money order or credit card and they send the stuff out in a few days, its where i got my opks and preg tests from. Has any more "come out" that you have noticed? I really hope that you keep trying, i get so sad when Af comes for you, i am really looking forward to you getting preg. i will be taking some time off in a few weeks- when were you heading near grafton? i might go check out the chicken farm- if i do- lets try to meet up. We can bring our angels pictures, i would really like to. PM me if you want and we can try to work something out!!

CeCe... Darlin i am sooooooo sad to hear Af is in full force. I wish she would just leave you alone !!!!! In answer to your question- AF for me has been THE most painfull and heavy and yucky since loosing Zahra then ever before!!! I would usually get lower back pain- but since Zahra it is all in the belly and its full on and constant and soooooo painful. I am bed ridden for 3 days and very high on pain killers!!!! I have stopped using tampons coz they seem to make it worse- so its yucky as well because i have to see it everytime i go to the toilet (i would usually warn TMI- but i think you can cope!!) and feel it all the time IYKWIM.
Thanks for the in sight into OPK testing- i will keep poas until i see some results!! And from what you say- it is all looking good for me!! Having a slightly longer cycle means later ovulation (i was still expecting day 14- im a dummy) which i sort of thought anyway. I have been having some belly twinges too- so here's to hoping!!!
And yes- i think we need a giant bull dozer!!! There are a few people i would knock down hard!!! LOL

Auntie M.... I get funny looks too when i am around babies. Its funny- people who havent lost babies can joke around and say i want to steal this one from you and most parents joke back saying- its all yours!! You can have it!!
But when someone like me says it- you see this fear cross over their eyes, like "S#it, she might really do it!!!" and that makes me sad. Its funny too coz most days if i see a baby- i go out of my way to avoid it. Especially new borns who are sleeping- its way tooo much for me. I can only handle babies who are a little older and have formed some distinguishing features- other wise i get one image in my head that wont go away of a sleeping baby- who isnt just sleeping. I love your come back though- this baby isnt cute enough, i will have to rememebr that one!!! LOL
I am so happy to see your ticker ticking away, i just wish i was there with you!! If all goes to plan- this is my month!!! Take care xoxox

KLEE.... If i see another post with out a ticker your in trouble. Thats all i have to say.

MEL..... I hope you are sitting back with your legs in the air (we cant have it fall out now can we!!??) and thinking pregnant thoughts!!! i am due to ovulate in a few days- so IMPLANT baby IMPLANT!!!!!! Crossing everything for you (except my legs... sorry ovulating soon!! LOL) cant wait till i see that giant BFP, followed of course by my own!!

JUDY....I hope you are doing ok. You are always in my thoughts xox

Well i think thats everyone!!! I hope i havent missed anyone- sorry if i have!!!
I had something to share.. i had a similar thing happen to me that klee had just before she found out she was preg, could mean nothing but i will say it anyway... i was at the pub last night ordering some take away dinner and i went to sit out side while i waited. I sat down and then one of people who was sitting at the table came back and we had to shuffle around to fit in another chair- he came over to help me move (the chairs are pretty heavy- solid wood) and he said "NOw Kat we know your with child so you stay there- i'll move it for you" and i said "Actually Stew- im not yet unless you know something i dont!!" and he said "Well i mean, we know your trying and i just reckon you are Kat, so just sit tight" Well- apparently i havent ovulated yet- so he may be pre empting things a little- but i am taking it as a sign!!!!

I better get into some work for now- i wil pop back later!!

Love to all
StarBright
StarLight
Wish upon a star Tonight
xoxoxox