TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the 1st trimester ~ OCT 07

[Auntie M]

howdy everyone.
CeCe- i had some gnarly afs after Yeti's birth. you should let your doc know what's going on - just to be sure.
Klee- so glad your nephew is okay. what a trooper.
Starbright- sorry you've had some bad shifts at work and such trouble with your family. as to the work shifts, you are right to avoid it if it hurts you. people don't like to be reminded that we know anything from our pregnancies, because then they'd have to think about our losses. and they SO do not what to go there. and what a blow with your sister and her pregnancy. you can't help how you feel, my dear, and it is so right to let it out. if you keep it in, much worse will happen. everyone else is so right -- take care of you and dh right now and let the chips fall where they may. i know that is difficult to do, but it sounds like you are on the right track. big, big hugs to you
Judy- i'm sending you the best of luck for your "au naturale" efforts this month . . .

plugging along here. i've got my cranky pants on and can't get them off. i guess the stress has to come out somewhere. folks get a shocked look about them, though, when i let my true thoughts out.

[CeCeSays]

AuntieM-- you have cranky pants? I have a certain way I wear my hair up that lets everyone I love know not to feed the bear. I was made aware of this recently. I walked out of the bathroom with my hair in pig tails all curly and frizzy ... James (my 12 yr old) and Larry (DH) looked at eachother with this 'ut oh' look and said "she's got her devil horns on. Find the chocolate." I hope you feel some extra joy and calm soon. I cant even imagine how stressed you must feel. Just want ya to know I am in your corner. Sending lots and lots of hugs and prayers your way.

[~StarBright~]

Thank you girls!! I do know i am doing the right thing by sticking to my guns. I am not going to let them hurt me any more than i already have been. Ce ce i think you are on the money with what you have said. Even my mum has said similar things. She admires me and Dh for what we have been through and she often says that if it went the other way- and it was my sis who lost babies- she and her DH would probably not cope as well. It is still hard too. There has been a seperation between me and my family since before i lost babies (Like my whole life) so this has all just highlighted what was already there. Which in a way makes it easier to right them off coz i sort have felt like i wanted to anyway- and now i have a damn good reason. What annoys me the absolute most is that my dad and my other sister all say that the pregnant sister and her DH are all making a big deal about nothing- yet none of them will stand up and back me up when they are around. Alot of backwards **** going on behind peoples backs, i hate it!!!!!

But enough about that.... i have some good news...
CecE you are right (yet again!!!!) my line got darker today!!! Still not a positive ovulation line- but the darkest i have seen yet!!! I am guessing i am due to ovulate any day now. I have been getting a few crampy feelings (tiny bit like period- but no where near as bad) this is ovulation pains right???!!! Have been bedding every third night or so so far- will have to pick up the pace over the next few days and all will go to the magnificent plan!!!! I have stopped taking my temp ( i would take it- but id forget to write it down and then i forget so i stopped, i might start doing it again as Af might be approaching coz it did do the drop thing last time- so i will look out for that hoping it stays nice and high!!

Auntie M- i love cranky pants!! Once you put em on its really hard to get out of them for me!!! Apparently i get a "look" i give to DH and he just backs up and walks away slowly and makes me a cup of tea. And then tickles me until i start laughing and put a smile on my face. I think for you its hormones Auntie M- that is great!!! Go with it- if you werent in a delicate condition i would advise you to go chop more wood to releave steam- but maybe try a nice long bath and some relaxation. And give it to anyone who asks for it!!! LOL

Time to go downstairs for morning tea with some locals (i love tuesdays!!) i will be back later!!

Love to all
StarBright
xoxox

[klee]

kat so sorry your sister is disrespecting you and dh, but i guess with how she has been you would have been expecting that, not that thats any consolation. maybe you should also thinking about screening the calls and not replying to texts, maybe then she will come to realise how your feeling, i doubt that though. hon what you doing online with those opk results, get down to dh and get bd'ing lol. remember some women don't get a darker line then the test line, just keep an eye on it and if it starts fading, get jiggy with it, like you need any encouragement. lol

cece - love the devil horns as a sign, at least then they know. can't say i have a look or anything, might have to change that

auntie m - happy 7 month anniversary yeti, hope your shining down on your mum, dad and little peanut, and keeping peanut safe and sound.

get comfy in those cranky pants, at least you can blame the hormones. i so know what you mean, df said to me the other day, gee you've got your cranky pants on, my response was well you had a free ride the last time, this time has the added stress of worry so put up with it. although my comeback to him at the moment is who's belly's bigger mine or yours lol, not a nice one but it shuts him up.

mel - how you going? feeling any different or any signs of anything?

Judy – that’s good you have a plan, do what you feel you should, if that means pressing for the IUI do it. So hope au naterale works for you this month though, have heard of some women becoming more fertile after a lap, hope thats the case

nephew is ok, apparently he's again jumping on everyone, he looks like a little rugby/gridiron player all padded up. Not going to be on for much more of the week, spending time with my sister and her girls, but having my scan next Monday, so earliest i will be on is tuesday, hoping/praying for good results

[~StarBright~]

Thanks klee, i will take your advice- i sent her an email yesterday (i started crying when i tried talking to her) she said she will reply when she calms down- havent heard back yet.... i might forward the email to you and you can tell me if i was in any way out of line. i really dont think i was, i dont even think i said anything to make her angry- i was just saying how upset i am at the moment. Getting all too much for little ole me.

Glad to hear i am not the only one who gets cranky when i UTD... You go girls!!!

[Mel1977]

Hey girls,

Really quick one to say hi - I am working at home and am busting an absolute gut just to make a p@@@y little amount. I think I will start looking for something permanent part time. Its all good and well to work at home but if you cant pay your bills you will be unemployed pretty darn soon.

SB - Your sister sounds like an a-hole! Im sorry but judging from the things you have said in the past and now this, she needs to get over herself really. I wouldnt worry about whether your email is too harsh, guarantee if she were my sister she would probably cop it more. You dont need to put up with all of her drama, you have enough of your own! All you need to do is worry about getting jiggy with it - tell to get.... um, alrighty then moving along

Klee - So glad your nephew is ok, poor little bugger Good luck with your scan next week, I am sure I will text you before that anyway. You have to let me know how you go, I have everything crossed for you

Auntie M - Happy 7 month birthday to Yeti :hugs:

Judy - Good luck with TTC au naturale

Hi to everyone else, Naomi, CeCe, Jo, all the girls in the pg thread who might be lurking... oh I hope I havent forgotten anyone, sorry I am in a rush - better go earn 1 dollar (dont laugh, I am serious ).

[Lynn]

SB - I feel your pain!!!! I have a sister just like you..............they just don't get it! I am so sorry that you have to go through this. My sister is due a week before Cooper's first birthday and they are having a boy - yet she doesn't get why that will be hard on me I have given up explaining because she will never get it - she is too selfish to care about anyone else - sorry I took over! Unfortunately we can't tell people how to feel or how to be sensitive (wouldn't life be a lot easier if we could). What the girls have told me, and I will tell you, is that you have to look after yourself............otherwise who else will?!?!? You have to protect your emotions and your feelings - this is the time to put yourself first. You have been through so much - why can't people understand that. And TBH the tiff about missing the cake - pleeeeeease!!!! How childish is the FIL anyway! Sending you heaps and heaps of positive vibes and I hope you have the big O very soon and you are one step closer to that magical BFP Take care babe

Klee - glad to hear that your nephew is doing ok - poor little thing! Good luck for your scan on Monday. I will be thinking of you

Mel - go and earn your dollar!!! How are you feeling?

Auntie M - go the cranky pants!!!! I have a pair too.....just blame the hormones

Jo -

Hi to Cece, Judy, Naomi and anyone else I've missed - hope you are all well

[~StarBright~]

Thankyou Lyn!!!!!!!
i just recieved a reply to an email i sent her yesterday in an attempt to explain to her how i was feeling......
Apparently my issues with other peoples babies needs to be addressed. i should not feel sad about seeing them- i should be as happy as they are and gloat and play like nothing is wrong. Apparently i am not emotionally ready to even try for another baby because i still get a bit sad. The fact that she has a baby means that she "more aware" of what i have been through and she doesnt understand why i still get upset.

Not to mention she is pregnant and is the exact day along i was this time last year- another reason why i am not too keen on seeing her. But i shouldnt resent her for being pregnant and i should be fine with gooing at her belly. And it shouldnt remind me of Zahra for any reason.

She is aware that her sons birthday is very close to Zahra's anniversary, but it will be that way forever- so it is something i should think about.

WTF????????????????????????????????????

like i dont already think about it- and do you think a one year old is even going to notice or remember if i am there?????????????
Do you think maybe i could have a few years to get used to it?????Apparently not.

Well bugger her.. i am not going to give any more energy into her and her selfish idiodic thoughts, and i will never spoil this marvolous thread with her stupid antics. I am OVER IT!!!

Thank you to everyone who has showed me support. i will try to find something else to talk about tomorrow!!!

Going home now so that i can make a baby!!!!!!!!

xoxoxox StarBright xoxoxoxxo

[Lynn]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you are not emotionally ready for another baby because you are sad, you would never have another baby! None of us would!!!! Does she think that the pain goes away and one day we just wake up happy! You don't wish losing a baby on anyone but you have to wonder how others would handle the situation and how they would cope. How would they feel if they were told that they couldn't be sad by seeing other babies. What I find frustrating is that others expect us to understand their feelings but they never stop to understand ours.........maybe it is because they can't - I mean how could you even try to imagine losing a baby.........I guess that is their only defense.

You did make me laugh though - you go home and make that baby!!

[gks]

Hmmmmm - just had a forum learning curve - you can't type long personals to everyone and then flick back a page to check you haven't missed anyone...I'm too cranky (it's those pants again Auntie M) today to redo them all.
but the short version is this...thank you starbright for directing me to your journal - I was so sad to hear what you have had to endure. and as for that sister NO WORDS...can someone please shout out to the world once and for all that you "get over" a chest infection or the flu - not the loss of a dreamed about, yearned for, planned for part of your soul that always seems so close but can never be held or seen.
Also I know there is a simple answer to this...but WHERE have the icons gone from my screen? I know it's something simple but I can't find them or for the life of me remember how to active them.
I love sending a hug...it's driving me crazy.
Mel - praying for you that the days flash past like lightening.
Klee - hug to your nephew poor little darling.
My news - back from the weekend in Moama and bad luck to everyone else in the house but it was the big O weekend and try as we did LOL now we just have to wait and see...
I'm sure i'm not the only one who feels like their whole life is waiting...waiting to O...waiting to see...waiting for results...waiting for scans...waiting waiting waiting. Somedays I feel like i'm going crazy and today is one of them. Just starting to feel a bit like everyone else around me has goals and dreams and hopes that they can actively work toward and mine seems to be out of our hands. DH has three businesses...works towards making them successful...and it happens ...DH wants to ski race...works toward it...and it happens. But mine (ours) seems to ignore the effort, planning, hoping, praying...and as of today it feels like it will never happen. DH asked why I was cross earlier and I had to admit to the childish truth that I'm feeling so frustrated and that I just wish my dream would come true too...I know this sounds like a foot stamping episode...but that's probably because it is....sorry had to vent.
Enough from me Mrs cranky pants, cranky jacket, cranky shoes, hat, socks and undies...love George

[Auntie M]

howdy everyone. thanks for the blessings for Yeti on this day.
CeCe- thanks, i'd like the "devil horn" hair do. that would be good notice for dh. unfortunately, folks at work just get the zingers. . . .
Starbright- lol, you are right chopping wood might release some of the bad energy. i just can't help myself but to shock people who EXPECT rather than HOPE for a good outcome. i'll blow up if i keep it in.
how exciting on the darker opk line. that is what mine did - faded in. so like Klee says - get jiggy with it. arrrrgggh about your sister's latest. you are so right to tell her to pound sand. wtf - i couldn't have come up with a more self-centered, unsympathetic, uncompassionate bunch of thoughts if i tried. it is so painful to cut family loose, but sometimes it is the only answer. big hugs.
Klee- yeah, the cranky is hardest for the guys. i told dh yesterday to make a date with some friends so he could get out and stop dealing with me. i figure i can't get a break, but he might come back able to take a bit more. mwah ha ha. good luck on your scan on monday. so stressful.
Mel- i hear ya on the working hard for little and the bills stacking up. so much fun to work for a living. i'd like to give the other way of life a try but so far no one has left me millions.
Lynn- i wish we could explain to your sis (and Starbright's). some folks just don't have the empathy necessary. i'm sorry for it though because i know it hurts even if we try to pretend it doesn't.
Georgie- i like how you put that one "gets over" the flu, not a child's death. what a vivid way to put it. you are so right to feel frustrated with your dreams being so far away. you are trying and there is nothing more frustrating that not making progress. especially -- doubly so -- for fertility. it cuts to our very identity and we can't escape that pain. stew in that crankiness. big hugs for you.

[~StarBright~]

I am so glad i have all of your support in here. I think if i didnt she may have succeeded in making me feel bad for feeling sad. But i know that is wrong of her- not me. So thank you ladies- you have no idea how much your words have helped me to feel ok.

Georgie- you need to click on the "Post Reply button" not just a quick reply- or click on "Go Advanced" and it will bring up all your icons..... and yes, i have learned to that you can not go back to a page a return to your post- it goes bye bye!!! I prefer to minumize the page and even open another one so i can still read and post at the same time!! Good Luck!!! Here are some hugs for you!!! And i hope that all your trying comes to fruition!!!! I can really understand how you are feeling at the moment. I am sending you lots of sticky vibes!!!

LYN>> Thank you, and please dont feel like you took over- i am so grateful that i am not the only one who has this trouble IYKWIM. I am sure that your sister is probably convinced you are fine because you are pregnant again. Like you said- some people just have no concept because they cant imagine it. They wouldnt even come close if they tried.

Auntie M.. Just keep letting it out!!! This is going to be a long hard road for you- and like i need to tell myself- PUT YOU FIRST!!!
I like your idea of thinking abuot DH and giving him a break from you coz you know that your feelings arnt going to go away!!! I hope he takes you up on it and returns fresh and ready to pamper you and do what ever you say!!! LOL Where would we be without our DDDH's?

Well poas again last night and it had faded again.... so i am thinking that maybe i have o'd- (i will kepp poas to check!!!) which means that now is the time to be ripe and ready!!! Have stepped up a bit and evrything is going to plan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am at work again today- i learned how to baance the tills and stuff (old Freddy is away... he is in charge of that stuff so i can only do it when he's not here!!!!) very exciting. I think i will have a short day today though and go home for some love and affection from my aminals. Oh yeah, latest count....
2 Dogs
8cats(mummy and daddy and 6 kittens)
3 roosters
5 layers
3 chickens
2 ducks
1 fish... i think thats it.... yep 24 in total. cool

The kittens have started to open their eyes and they are sooooooo cute!!!! They will be going to the pet shop as soon as possible before i get too attatched and want to keep one or two or three....lol

Well i better do some work, i may be back later!!

Thank you again everyone- you have no idea how much i needed it!! Actually, i take that back- you all do know and thats why you care!!! Thank you again!!!!

LOve always
StarBright
xoxoxxo

[klee]

Kat I just sent you a text before you posted, don't know if you have phone with you. I feel so much for you ladies who don't have supportive sisters, I really don't know where I'd be without mine. Your sister needs to grow some compassion, yeah I'm sure you are happy your nephew is around but it must hurt to see him have a birthday each year knowing that your angels will never get to open the presents, or eat that cake. She obviously doesn't understand yes you may go on but that doesn't mean you've stopped hurting, that’s going to be with us for the rest of our lives. Ok so now I'm rambling but I think you know what I mean, ditch that b*atch lol, sorry don't know where that came from.

Georgi, hugs to you hon. That dream will be yours, it will come to fruition. I truly believe you will get there. Were you monitored closely this last pg? were they able to tell you what happened? Did you make that appointment with the person mel recommended? Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get my bearings on where you are up to.

Man I loathe some people, sometimes they think they're funny and they're not in the slightest, not having a good day, georgi, I am kitted out like you today, all in matching cranky attire.

[gks]

Thanks star bright - i'm back in the land of icons...i'm sure they just used to be there at the side to everyone .
George

[~StarBright~]

I GOT MY LAPTOP!!!!!!!!
I AM SO HAPPY FOR ME!!!!!

Still need to set it all up..... but YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY

Just when you think the world is out to get you someone comes along and buys me a lap top!!! Well i have to pay it back- but its on a salary sacrifice thingy... so I DONT CARE!!! I have a new lap top i have a new lap top!!!!! I have the best boss in the entire world!!!!
ok i will shut up now!! LOL
i knew i was going to find something else to talk about today!!!!

klee... thank you- i did get your message, i am doing well with screening, i havent even checked my email to see if there is a reply and i wont be answering any calls from anyone but my mummy.

Thanks again everyone!!! i am so happy!!!! i am dancing!!!!

georgi- glad i could lift you back to the world of icons!!!!!

couldnt help it.... LOL if i am this happy about getting a lap top- watch out when i announce my BFP!!!!

xoxxo StarBright xoxoxo

[angelicdragon]

ooh Kat, too funny.. look out world when she gets that BFP
Pos OPK today on cd11 and still bleeding from the lap.. oh joy!!

hugs and babydust to all
Judy

[CeCeSays]

Judy... blleding or not... go get ya some! right NOW! I dont even know what time it is there... but I dont care either! Go get ya SOME!

Hugs,
CeCe

[klee]

judy and kat what are you two doing in here?, get to it. going to be a quiet thread for a few days oh but some noisy households, lol