howdy everyone.
CeCe- ikwym about wanting to know the exact day -- i'm a total control freak. especially when life gets out of whack, i've gotta control what little details i can. dude, your sister is a piece of work, she didn't want her shower ruined by her very own sister's news, the death of her very own nephew?! i am at a loss. if i had more energy, there would be more vitriol here, but all i can do is shake my head and tut tut like my grandmother. i am so sorry about the doctor and his horribly thoughtless words. how painful for you to not have the chance to hold Eli. big hugs and tears. i have a necklace with his name on it and tiny feet, along with a glass baby boy a neighbor artist made. i wear it every day and tell Yeti good morning and good night with a kiss as i take it on and off.
Lynn- perhaps that is the case about the rollercoaster, because you certainly do help me when the plunge hits. it does seem like several of you have some doozy sisters, and i just don't understand where they come from. i have some garden variety misunderstanding, but no one really gets in my face about it. the books helped me too, though, i gave one to my sister in law and she talked to my boss and let him and everyone else know this would be a longer process than they thought (they were thinking a couple of months).
Judy, i kept everything that ever touched Yeti with the exception of the cute little onsie with the blue bunnies we dressed him in and the cap our midwife knitted for him. i just couldn't let him go without something warm on his poor little body. i haven't washed his blankets either. on really bad days, i look for the tiny bloody spots and try to smell just a little of what he smelled like at the hospital. it is never there, though. everything physical is so gone from me. i've his ink prints and some hair, but they are not enough. never enough. it just isn't fair.