I had the most beautiful but at the same time heartbreaking dream last night. It felt so real
I dreamt that one of the Midwifes at the hosptial called me in a major panic. She said that there had been a major mix up and that Harrison had acidentally gone home with another family and that he wasn't stillborn at all. DH and I rushed to the hospital, I even remember where we parked in my dream. We raced in and they handed Harrison to me. The midwifes asked me if I still had milk and I told them about what happened the other week and so they said I should try to feed him and bond. I felt such an overwhelming, all encompasing feeling of love and euphoria. My dream felt like it went for weeks and the detail of his gourgeous little gummy smile and the gooing noise that he was making is still echoing in my ears. Of course the minute I opened my eyes I realised my reality is an empty nursery and an urn with the ashes of my baby boy. Why is life so cruel, I know it is only a dream but reality so much harder.
At Harrisons funeral we played Dream a little Dream. My most cherished lyric is
Say "nighty-night" and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.
While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me.
I am telling myself that that dream was a gift from my little boy and his way of telling me that he is out there and dreaming a little dream of me.
Sorry for no personals, just need to take some time out today. I hope all goes well today Flowerchild. I have a wedding tomorrow so I am going to spend today getting it all out so that I can get myself together for what should be a happy occasion.
Spring big hugs to you hun. I am sure he probably sensed you needed him last night, and had to pay a little visit to show you he is ok and happy playing with the other angels. I had a dream about Max last week, I was holding him - he was so little but all dressed up in this little blue outfit, wearing a beanie to cover his sore head. He was beautiful, it gave me such a sense of comfort.
Deb - go the follies!!!! You do have a bit of a tight order, but hey you never know, fingers crossed for you.
Kirsty - have a great time at Elton John concert, I am sure you will have a great time. Maybe taking some time out for yourself wouldn't be a bad idea, You might find that you dont need 6 months. But definately think about it when you need to.
Me - stupid OPK's, I have had enough of them already. I have all the classic pre o symptoms, nausea, tingling boobs, stitch pain and the OPK's are still negative, although the second line is getting darker. If I hadn't bought 50 of the things I swear I would stop using them, but DP would kill me! Well I get to go off in an hour and have a yucky pap. :evil:
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