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Thread: TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the first trimester

  1. #91

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    Thanks Kirsty...


  2. #92
    kirsty Guest

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    My pleasure sweetie. You know I am always here for you & through this journey that you are embarking on atm.

  3. #93

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    Hey everyone... I'm back!!!!

    Just thought I would check in and let you all know I am back, we had a wonderful time away and were very sad to come back to reality - didn't even get a tan, just more freckles, lol! No news of a yet and so far I have done 3 tests. I am due on Monday so I am trying to stay positive and will do my best to not test again until later in the week so as not to drive myself completely insane... don't like my chances though. I have a feeling deep down that I am not pregnant, geez if we can't succeed in Hamilton Island don't know when we will

    Nicholas would have been 3 months old today I was very busy at work so didn't get much of a chance to stop and think which might have been a good thing. I have been thinking a little tonight and I just feel really proud, I have a little sadness but my love is outweighing that for now... don't know how long that feeling will last but I'll take it while I can.

    I hope everyone is doing ok.

    Deb -

    Take care,

    Mel

  4. #94

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    Hey Mel

    Just wanted to pop in and say, love the new signature

    You know that Nicholas is in my thoughts and our little boys are holding hands as we talked about. Sending you big warm fuzzy :hugs:

    I hope and wish will all my might that your next post has a

    Deb: best of luck babe. As you said, grow follies grow

    Bec G: Hey hon, I am not sure what the scan you had was for but it is your body and if you don't understand (or they don't explain) what is going on, put your foot down and don't leave until you know. everything is ok babe. Let me know how it goes.

    Me well, today is two months since my little angel was born. Gee I feel like it was a lifetime ago but realise it was only a heartbeat. My Mum and Dad go home today so I really just want to keep it together while they are here. I feel totally comfortable being sad around my parents but I know how much my Mum is worried about me and we have had a nice time over the last few days so I just want her to go home knowing that we will be ok. It is like clockwork, I woke up at 4.49am today and waited and watched the clock strike 4.52am which is the time Harrison was born. It seems to happen so often that I wake up within a few minutes of that time. I guess my internal body clock is intune with my heart. I shed a few tears with my DH but he has managed to get some more sleep and low and behold, here I am.

    Oh well gals I am going to have a really hot shower and strong coffee.

    Take care of yourselves you wonderful women.

    Spring Angel (mummy to a 2 month old angel baby)

    I love my little baby boy, I miss my baby boy and I will never forget my baby boy, today or any day of my life. Nighty Ni Harry - love Mummy.

  5. #95

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    Spring all I can say is :hugs: and I just shed a tear or two for you and your husband and Harrison... You are a wonderfully compassionate woman, I am so sorry for this pain...

    Mel - welcome back. It's not over yet if you are not due until next Monday! I am sending you big hugs too on the anniversary of your Nicholas's birth :hugs:

  6. #96

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    Wow we've been a bit quiet in here. The silly season doesn't leave a lot of time!
    Well here I am on cd14 and off for a repeat follie scan today. I am a bit nervous - hoping that there are only 2 or 3 ripe follies and at least 2. So as you can see I have quite a tight order!
    I feel pretty twingy today like *something* is happening in my pelvis but my opk's have remained negative. My obs has had me testing since Thursday...
    It is raining here and because we are up in the ranges our hill is thick with cloud. I LOVE it when it is like this. It's really chilly and it makes it hard to get into gear!
    Anyway gorgeous women I will return later today with the news from my ovaries!!!!
    Spring, Mel, Kirsty, Clare how are you all????

  7. #97
    kirsty Guest

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    I'm still here just!! In about 2.5hrs I am off on a bus to see Elton John & I can't wait. Other than that we are pretty quiet in regards to everything. Still not sure entirely about TTC, I've just put in for a new job at work in a different department so will wait & see what happens there & of course what the test results have to say!

    But in reality a big part of me isn't 100% sure of my emotional capability of another pregnancy, I am also thinking of taking 6mths out solely for me (to lose some weight & get my head around a few other things that are going on in my personal life atm) even if we get the go ahead from the Dr's. But I will cross that bridge when we come to it.

    Anyway my dear I have got everything crossed for you for today that you have great results with your scan.

  8. #98

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    I had the most beautiful but at the same time heartbreaking dream last night. It felt so real

    I dreamt that one of the Midwifes at the hosptial called me in a major panic. She said that there had been a major mix up and that Harrison had acidentally gone home with another family and that he wasn't stillborn at all. DH and I rushed to the hospital, I even remember where we parked in my dream. We raced in and they handed Harrison to me. The midwifes asked me if I still had milk and I told them about what happened the other week and so they said I should try to feed him and bond. I felt such an overwhelming, all encompasing feeling of love and euphoria. My dream felt like it went for weeks and the detail of his gourgeous little gummy smile and the gooing noise that he was making is still echoing in my ears. Of course the minute I opened my eyes I realised my reality is an empty nursery and an urn with the ashes of my baby boy. Why is life so cruel, I know it is only a dream but reality so much harder.

    At Harrisons funeral we played Dream a little Dream. My most cherished lyric is

    Say "nighty-night" and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.
    While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me
    .

    I am telling myself that that dream was a gift from my little boy and his way of telling me that he is out there and dreaming a little dream of me.

    Sorry for no personals, just need to take some time out today. I hope all goes well today Flowerchild. I have a wedding tomorrow so I am going to spend today getting it all out so that I can get myself together for what should be a happy occasion.

    Spring Angel

  9. #99
    clare076 Guest

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    Spring big hugs to you hun. I am sure he probably sensed you needed him last night, and had to pay a little visit to show you he is ok and happy playing with the other angels. I had a dream about Max last week, I was holding him - he was so little but all dressed up in this little blue outfit, wearing a beanie to cover his sore head. He was beautiful, it gave me such a sense of comfort.

    Deb - go the follies!!!! You do have a bit of a tight order, but hey you never know, fingers crossed for you.

    Kirsty - have a great time at Elton John concert, I am sure you will have a great time. Maybe taking some time out for yourself wouldn't be a bad idea, You might find that you dont need 6 months. But definately think about it when you need to.

    Me - stupid OPK's, I have had enough of them already. I have all the classic pre o symptoms, nausea, tingling boobs, stitch pain and the OPK's are still negative, although the second line is getting darker. If I hadn't bought 50 of the things I swear I would stop using them, but DP would kill me! Well I get to go off in an hour and have a yucky pap. :evil:

    Have a good weekend girls
    x

  10. #100

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    Hey everyone, yay another weekend!!
    Deb - Hope all goes well today

    Kirsty - Have fun at Elton John

    Spring - That's so weird I only just read your post this afternoon and read about your dream after I had already emailed you about mine! I think Harrison was letting his mummy know he is ok. Hope you are having an ok day :hugs:

    Clare - Glad you felt comforted by your dream about Max. for your pap, not the most pleasant thing to be ending your week with.

    Take care all,

    Mel

  11. #101

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    Spring - I am sure those really vivid dreams are a message and I am so sure your Angel is watching you... :hugs:
    Clare: Don't give up on the opk's a darkening line is usually a good sign. Just keep going until you get a positive and then get jiggy with it!!!!! Pap smears are not the most fun things but it's a necessary. It's good to get everything out of the way before your next pregnancy!
    Mel: Hi! What is your news?
    Kirsty: Elton JOhn!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful time. I also hope that you take all the time you need to make the right decision for you with regard to another baby...
    Me: Well I had a nice big ripe 23cm follie and a lovely endometrium so everything is looking like ovulation will occur in the next 48 hours. However, no +opk. For those of you that weren't around last time... I didn't ovulate until cd21 on clomid... My obs says that it's possible that that is just me on clomid but she also said that it is more likely that I will ovulate within the next day or so...
    So, you can imagine what we'll be doing for the next few days. She said her advice is to get jiggy with it each night for the next 5 nights.... Or if I get a positive for the day of the positive and the two days after... That's what I usually do so let's hope that a handsome healthy sperm meets my gorgeous healthy ovum and we create a baby!!!
    vibes gratefully accepted!!!!!!

  12. #102

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    Hi Deb - great news that everything is looking good! Best of luck with the bding.



    As for me I have no news - Havent done a test today cause got up to take DH to train station and had a wee without testing. Dont think there is much point tonight cause the pack says best to test first thing if testing early and I just kind of get sad when it is negative anyway. I did a test yesterday morning which was negative and I am due for AF Monday so I am not holding out much hope now. Pack says it is 99% accurate 5-7 days before due and I am only 3 days before so it would have shown up by now. I dont know why we cant get it right, it is a bit depressing to be honest.

    Actually when you were commenting to Clare about the OPK's it made me wonder if I used mine correctly. I tested from about day 7 or 8 (eager I know) and I didnt get any line at all until day 14 when I got a faint line, I wouldnt say it was really faint but definitely not as dark as the other line, and then I tested the following couple of days as well and got no line at all. When you were saying keep testing until you get a positive it made me wonder if my test was really positive or not. Should you get a few days of a line or is it normal to get a line one day only? Do you think maybe I didnt ovulate at all? I am starting to worry I have stuffed up this month

  13. #103

    Unhappy

    I know I am probably being really sensitive - but I have just read a reply to a thread I posted about 3-4 weeks ago called "It's only been 9 & 1/2 weeks" and it has really upset me. I know it shouldn't but has made me feel really teary She said that "I should be happy I am able to get pregnant"! I have replied a few times because I got so upset. I burst into tears after I read because the thread was posted in the first placed because basically I was feeling people seem to think I should be getting over what has happened and how it is still so hard, and her saying that is exactly the sort of comments that people made back then to prompt to write the thread. I have had a really good week or two, after going away and coming back I felt like I was ready to get back into the swing of life. Reading that post has brought me back to that point where I was a few weeks ago and I feel so sad and angry and misunderstood. I was already a little upset because I did another test this morning and it is still negative. I know it has only been a couple of months since I have been trying but I feel such an overwhelming sense of desperation to be pregnant and it is consuming my every thought. I do feel lucky that "there is no reason" why I cant have another baby but I miss Nicholas every day and I love him so much. Not a minute goes by in each day that I dont think about him at least once. I know I shouldnt take it to heart but it is so hard. It just makes me realise that I will be confronted by people who just cant understand how I feel until the day I die - I sometimes think you girls are the only ones who know.

    Mel
    Last edited by Mel1977; December 9th, 2006 at 11:22 AM.

  14. #104

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    You were not in my opinion being over sensitive. I have removed the post from your thread... I am really sorry Mel that this happened to you. JUst know that how you are feeling and how you are grieving Nicholas is so very normal.

    Don't let this posters insensitivity to your loss affect your journey.
    There are so many of us here to hold your hand and help you through...

  15. #105

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    Thanks Deb - I know you guys are all here for me and I don't know how I would have gotten through without you all.

    Thanks again and I still have for you

  16. #106

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    :hugs: my sweet woman...
    Nighty night from me...

  17. #107

    Thumbs down

    Well no honeymoon baby for me

    Due for AF today and wouldn't you know it... I am not handling it that well this month, I was ok last time but each month that goes by is just one more month that I am a childless mother
    I know Nicholas will always be my baby but I cant hold him and take care of him the way a mother does and I want that so badly it hurts - today I can't stop crying, and the whole weekend has been crap and alot of emotions that I thought I had dealt with have come back for various reasons and today is just one of those days when you just want to curl up in a ball and have the whole world go away, never to be seen again.

    Hope everyone is well.

    Mel

  18. #108

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    Mel :hugs:
    I understand those days... There is nothing I can say that will make you better but believe that it will get better. As time goes on the pain will ease some. It will never be gone but the pain will be less raw.
    Getting your period is a time of huge emotional turmoil after the loss of a baby - especially when you are ttc again... I wish I could give you a hug in person and share a cuppa to help you through these dark days...
    If you need to talk you know how to get me...

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