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Thread: TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the first trimester

  1. #37

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    Hi girls,
    Kirsty :Its wonderful you have come to some decision, I often think making the decison to continue is hard but the grief of letting go of the dream is so final
    Spring: What great news, have a nice nap it must of been a tough 24 hrs
    Deb: Hope the Blah feeling is subsiding, lets hope its the start of a great month
    I've been feeling rather flat it is a horrible couple of weeks for me coming up I tend to get over one aniversary only to be presented with the next although a year apart. DH was really keen to talk about TTC tonight, its just not a great time and gets me annoyed. I too think I am pre something
    Bec
    Are you or did you all go back to the same doctors after losing your little ones or thought a fresh start or someone knowing your history was better

    Last edited by Visitor9; November 23rd, 2006 at 09:25 PM.

  2. #38

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    Hi Bec - Sorry to hear you are feeling flat, be kind to yourself :hugs:
    I have decided I am going to go back to the same dr simply because, as you said, he knows my history and I wonder if he will be a little more sympathetic and caring than someone I dont know, and its not like he was negligent or anything. Mind you I do keep changing my mind thinking maybe I should change and go with someone more experienced with these types of things, but right now the whole "change" thing seems a little scary.
    Are you unsure whether you want to see the same person?

    Mel

  3. #39

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    Thanks Bec, for thinking of me. Well I am still feeling a bit blah but I have a big day today so I am trying to be cheery!

    I changed doctors after my Bob died in May last year. He is a lovely man and a very good doctor who happens to be an ivf wizz but I just didn't want to go back to the same room where we found our baby had died.

    I chose another doctor with a great reputation for being very pro womens choices in birth. Of course I never thought *it* would happen again so I was really only focussed on getting the birth I wanted initially. He is a lovely man and omeone who I get on really well with. I saw him with my March angel and Eggy. I didn't change after my March angel as I liked him and I felt comfortable with him.

    As some of you know I have changed obs again. AFter much research and "interviewing" of doctors I have chosen a fairly new obs to our area who happens also to be a woman.
    I changed because after all of my research and questioning it became quite clear my obs was not up to date with these things and not at all confident with treating me. When we found Eggy died he just said "well I am at a loss". I had constantly asked through my last pregnancy to be medicated with asprin and prednisone as I had read about their effective use in some trials in miscarriage and loss clinics. He just kept telling me there was nothing wrong with me. I knew he was wrong but I chose to listen to his voice and not my own inner voice. I had taken one dose of clexane during Eggy's pregnancy and I reacted. I asked to use an alternative and was told: "there is no pathology to support the need for clexane so I really dont' think it will be of benefit". It was probably *one of those things* and I am sure it's not going to happen again.

    After I got out of hospital after Eggy I decided I was going to research a LOT. I did like a woman posessed. I have consulted 5 obs. All have concurred that there is *something* wrong and all have more or less concurred on the treatment as well.

    I went in to every obs with a long list of questions and all of my pathology for the past 18 months. (you can also do this under "Freedom of Information" at a small fee) After each appointment I jotted down what I liked and what I didn't about each one. I then made a decision on who I would *engage* as my care provider.

    I would suggest that doctors need to be interviewed for the job. They need to be asked really pertinent questions about how they feel about certain treatments, deliveries, options, medications and their experience in dealing with miscarriage and late loss, their confidence in dealing with it and their success. It is also helpful to find out where their interests lie.

    Your medical history should all be recorded - either on disc or hard copy - you just need to fill out a form to have it released to a new carer or to yourself. This is your right again under "Freedom of Information".

    I am not suggesting that everyone change doctors when a baby dies. What I fully belileve though is that you really need to ask lots of questions and get a number of opinions when a baby dies. In doing this YOU will feel more comfortable and the doctor you end up choosing will know exactly what she/he is dealing with.

    Not one of the doctors I approached was taken aback by my questions (albiet I do know 3 out of the 5). Please don't be afraid to ask questions. Many of us come from family back grounds where it's not the "done thing" to question a doctor - and we *should* just listen and "follow doctors orders". However, this is your health and your baby and you don't get any second chances so I would strongly advise that you don't just listen to a single professionals opinion.

    I truly understand that this can feel daunting and due to my profession I of course feel comfy in doing this moreso perhaps than someone without my background.

    I hope that has helped Bec. I know I am quite forceful about it - it's only because I have really learnt how important independently seeking information is.

    I hear you about anniversaries - I feel the same. My Bob was due on her sisters 3rd birthday so we just have been through that anniversary. My March angel was due just before his brothers 6th birthday in September. It is tough and I am sending you a big big hug :hugs:

    I hope I have helped you without sounding scary...

  4. #40

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    I have finally woken up after a long and worrying day, but today is a new day. Thanks so much for all the messages gals, it means a lot to me.

    Flowerchild - wow you sound like an empowered women. Good on you for having the courage to interview your doctors. I think that it is really good advice but I have to admit that when I do fall pregnant again I was thinking of going to the same OB. My DH and I will be moving to Canberra soon for work so I guess if I'm not UTD before then then that is the perferct opportunity to search around. Apparently there is a female OB in Canberra who soley specialises in high risk pregnancys. If anyone knows her name I'd love if you could tell me. I think you have done the right thing in searching around and I hope that your new OB give you the care (both medical and psychological) that you deserve. I hope you have a nice day today and don't feel so blah, I'm thinking of you hun

    Mel: Just wanted to let you know that I think you are a star I am sending you all of my happy vibes for tomorrow. I know that you and your DH are going to have a sensational day. Have a Margarita (or two) for me

  5. #41

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    I don't know what I just did but I posted my message before I was finished so here is the rest:

    Bec G- I really hope you are feeling a little better. Although it is early days for me, I feel like getting to important days like Harrison's due date were just really hard. Just hang in there sweety, I am thinking of you and sending you the warmest :hugs:

    Kirsty - You are very brave and I am so happy for you that you have come to a decision. that all the test results are fine and that you can get back on the TTC wagon.

    Well gals, I am off to the GP this arvo to give her my scan results. Just a quick appointment I hope. There was talk of a sticking a needle into the lump to remove the liquid from the cyst for no other reason then to preven it becoming a painful cyst, however to be honest I'm not really scared of that. I survived an amniocentesis in one piece so I am just going to tell them do what you have to do. I can't believe how much stronger I am since having Harrison because before him I would faint if you even mentioned the word needle. I know my little boy is out there looking after me so I feel safer knowing that

    Sorry if I have missed out on anyone, I hope that everyone has a wonderful, relaxing weekend.

    Spring Angel

  6. #42

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    Thanks Spring,
    I am feeling a bit better.
    I hope you go okay at the gp. I am glad things look brighter today.
    The decision to review your careprovider is a personal one. I know there are a few people here from Canberra - maybe put a message in one of the forums?
    You take care...

  7. #43

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    You girls are so great
    Well I have literally got off the phone to my IVF Doctor he seems positive that it shouldnt take long in his department. I need to have a inter ultrasound done and made an appointment for 3 weeks. Goshh it is all so surreal and kinda exciting yet scarey
    I jumped doctors after my first obst told me as he waked in the room "I knew this would happen to you" somehow I couldnt get my head around why HE knew yet didnt tell me ? My second was a close friend who thought he knew what was going on and clearly didnt..No we dont really speak anymore. My third and last was fantastic and I love him well as much as you can when you are his patient lol. I sometimes feel I might of been alittle hasty in changing but Deb you have made me feel like "I did make the right decision your knowledge is amazing..I truelly hope that you have found the one
    Spring: I'm sure Harrison is looking after his mum, did they let you know when they id the biopsy the results..thats so nice rather than waiting till today
    Mel:I did change with a bit of haste something didnt feel right..I had a feeling I needed to be treated as a high risk and after meeting this specialist walked out with the weight lifted off my shouders as he just came out and said YES I can get you to 30 weeks and yes you will have a healthy baby. Thats all I needed.
    Today is better..sometimes I feel I get more depressed with my girls dates every year partically because I was so eager to keep TTC as quickly and not processing it. Blahhh enough about me.
    Hope you all find something to smile about today
    Bec

  8. #44

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    Bec,
    That;s wonderful news. I am so happy that you feel confident in your specialist and that he was so positive. THIS IS GREAT!!!!

    I am so sorry that your doctor said he knew this would happen to you. It would have been nice if he had shared that at a more helpful time... :hugs: You have been through so much. I just know 2007 is gonna be the year for us in here. We will all be writing different posts this time next year!

  9. #45
    *Kristee* Guest

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    Hey girls,
    I have just started to chat in the other ttc after miscarriage thread i didn't realise that i should actually be in here oh well does it matter if i chat in both?? I have just a bfn today so am really down and depressed oh well...
    was just saying hi girls.

  10. #46
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    Hi Girls
    Well the small break was a life saver, I feel ready to embrace the whole TTC journey again, more so today after a HPT played a very nasty trick on me (thanks for your help Deb ) Hopefully I only have a few days to go for first AF to arrive and a new cycle can begin. I have even ordered some OPK's today, not that I know how to use them but I am sure it will be interesting.

    Spring - awesome news about the lump being benign, that is so great to hear

    Mel - all the best for tomorrow and the honeymoon - extra special vibes coming your way, I hope you come home with excess baggage (KWIM)

    Deb - Thanks so much for all your help today, I really wish you the best of luck with getting your Xmas BFP, I hope you are n't feeling too BLAH today.

    Have a great weekend girls, I have work all weekend starting tonight, so hopefully by the time I check in again AF would have found me.

    to all.

  11. #47

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    Welcome Kristee,
    I can see from your signature that you have had some really difficult times saying goodbye to precious babies.
    I look forward to getting to know you and to sharing your journey.

  12. #48

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    Hi again Clare,
    Have a good weekend and I am glad I said something helpful.
    Happy Wedding weekend Mel... How exciting!

  13. #49

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    Welcome Kristee, I am so sorry that you are in a position where you have to join this thread but know that every single one of us are here to help you. Getting a BFN must be really heartbreaking, but hang in there sweetie and try to keep your chin up :hugs:

    Mel: I wish you the most amazing, romantic, special and magical day tomorrow. I know that your little angel baby Nicholas will be watching over his mummy and daddy and there with you every step of the way. I really hope that you have the most perfect day and more importantly life together, because God knows you guys deserve it. I agree with Clare, I hope you have some excess baggage on the way home (lol)

    To everyone, I hope that your dreams are as sweet as can be and I will pop in tomorrow to say hiya.



    Sweet Dreams
    Spring Angel

  14. #50

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    Hi Girls - Welcome Kristee. Sorry about your BFN, remember you have lots of support here and vent away if you need to.

    Thanks to everyone for your well wishes, this is my last check in until we get back Sunday week (starting to get a bit nervous I must admit) - I am such a clutz I am bound to trip over or something :eek:. Best wishes to everyone while I am gone - geez, don't know what I am gonna for the next week without checking in at least daily (well I am sure we can think of something ). for the excess baggage, what better place to gain some!

    Anyway, thanks again for everything. Everyone take care while I am gone and I will check in when I return.

    Soon to be Mrs Mel

  15. #51

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    Mrs Mel enjoy enjoy enjoy..I'm sure Nicholas is watching his mum and dad very proudly so he wont let the clutz issue prop up
    Bec

  16. #52
    *Kristee* Guest

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    Thanx for the welcome girls all though i wish we didn't have to be here.
    Well no suprie the dreaded witch turned up today, so i am starting my second cycle of ttc now. For me it actually was a good cycle as it only went for 35 days the cycle before that went for 10.1 weeks. But i hated the bfn.
    I ordered 50 hpt off the net the other day so i think i will have thenm in time for this cycle....i am a POAS addict.
    Anyway i need to take some severe pain killers and they will probably knock me out for a few hours.
    Be back later.

  17. #53

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    It's a quiet weekend in here.

    Krisivee: Sorry to hear your period isn't being kind to you. I hope you are feeling better soon. 50HPT's should keep you covered for a while!!!

    Hi to everyone else. We are still putting up Christmas lights! Talk soon...

  18. #54
    kirsty Guest

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    Kristee hi & welcome to the group, I am so sorry to hear of your losses but congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I hope your period eases off a bit for you soon too.

    Deb yay at the Christmas lights going up ~ I have had one lot up for a fortnite now & can't wait to do the other ones. Will probably do our Christmas deco's on Tuesday when DH is at work!!

    Huge hi's to everyone else. I am still plodding along waiting rather impatiently until January but knowing it is giving me a good chance to lose some weight before we TTC again ~ I've lost 5kgs so far & would love to lose another 10kgs before we start the TTC journey but if test results come back all clear before then well we won't be waiting for the 15kg mark!!!

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