Don't get me wrong, I am completely shattered and upset and all of those other feelings. I really did think that this was going to be my month. I was on the meds and I thought it would work. We all have dreams, and one of mine was to hold my next bubba on Christmas Day. Last Christmas was the worst and I thought I would make this Christmas better but that isn't going to be now I just feel like I don't have any energy left to feel anything. I don't know if that is because I have that numb feeling again - so many emotions that you just don't know what to feel. It is so devastating that my body won't do what it is supposed to do.