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Thread: TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the first trimester

  1. #109

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    Flowerchild, we must be on the same wave length. I have spent most of the afternoon searching for a name.

    It is really important to me that the name honours Harrison. I am trying to find a name which means little brother/sister or kindred but I am not having any luck. Saul is a gorgeous name and one day I know that you and DH will have a chance to name your child that if you so choose.

    I am about to post a thread for a baby boy/girl name with the meanings I want so lets see how I go.

    Lv spring.


  2. #110

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    Thanks Deb. I do love a plan. It is what gets me out of bed each day and a reason to keep going. A plan to me is a positive step and my FS is positive that this next plan will get me to where I want to be. I think the hardest thing for me is accepting help. Help from meds. I never ever thought that my body would fail me and that I would need intervention. I have struggled for 3 years to hold an earth baby in my arms and I feel like I am running out of energy. I don't know if it is because I am also grieving and this takes away so much energy as I feel numb and empty. I just keep thinking how cruel and unfair life is that I was dealt 2 blows - fertility problems and a stillborn. I just feel like everyone around (excluding BB) is falling pg and having healthy babies. How can I be happy for other people when I can't even be happy with myself. I cry every day and I find it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not the same person I was 4 months and I don't think I ever can be. I feel like people around me don't understand how I am feeling and I can't even write what I am feeling because I don't know how to write it. I want to be that happy and positive person I once was but I just can't find her anymore.

  3. #111

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    Hello everyone, you guys have been talking alot!!

    Spring - C'mon, give us a hint, you know you want to. I know a girl who called her second son Brody and apparently that means brother in Celtic or something. It is great to hear that Springlet is doing well, but that sucks that you had to tell them your story all over again.

    Mel - So sorry to hear that AF turned up. Also about the swimmers. But at least you have a reason now, and that gives you something to work towards and Flowerchild said, there are vitamins that DH can take to help the little guys. But you guys have the proof that he can father children, so I guess it comes down to lots more DTD and then waiting. I hope the wait is not too much longer for you. That's so exciting that you are going to get yourself into lot's of debt and build your house. I would love to build a new house on our block, but our mortgage is huuuuuge (for a ****ty little 2-bedder) just because we live in Sydney!! So that rules out a new house for me.

    Lynn - So sorry to hear that you won't O this month. But, at least the FS has a plan for you. Even if you have to inject yourself, I am sure in a little while from now when you are holding your miracle in your arms, you won't care about how you had to get him or
    her. Oh, yep, I will send you a copy of that article, can you email me your address?

    Klee - I am so sorry that your results are making you feel so mixed. I was told my daughter had passed a day or two before I noticed but I thought I could feel her. As Spring said, if you go back through our post's you will see that each one of us has blamed ourselves or felt guilt at one stage or another.

    JLK - If you can't have a whinge here, where can you? I can't give you any advice on how ovulating etc works, as I can't work my own out, but maybe try the OPK's as some of the others have suggested. I don't think that they worked for me, but I could have been doing them at the wrong times, I have no idea.

    Flowerchild - Can I come and stay at your house? It always seems to full of fun and adventure Barbies, Hot crossed buns, chickens, it just sounds fun.

    Nat - How are your plans going with Europe? I meant to say the other day, if you need any help, advice or quotes let me know. I am away from this week, but I will be back in the office in a couple of weeks so I can give you my email if you need anything.

    Tommysmum - Did you get AF yet? How was today, sorry I didn't come, the monster was outta control this morning. I think he's really missing his dad - and he's making me pay. He told me today that he is going to drive the plane to Baaaarly on saturday, lol, and he would probably be a better pilot than the current Garuda ones...oh that is terrible.

    Hi to everyone else too.


    Well, thanks to everyone for the anti-AF vibes. I hope you are all right, but I doubt it. To answer someones question, I didn't test for ovulation with a OPK, I just guessed by CM, but it is back to normal today, so I have no idea what on earth is going on. I guess I will just wait til I am able to test. When do you guys think would be the best time to do a HPT? AF is due on monday. I know we said this before, but it really does seem that wherever you go, everyone is either pushing around a newborn or is about to pop one out huh? It suck's. It didn't used to bother me, but that was when I thought I would be UTD by now. Oh well.

  4. #112

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    O Lynn, I wish I could jump into the screen and give you the biggest hug ever. My heart is so aching for you. I cant even begin to imagine the pain that you are dealing with every single day. I only hope that talking to us in here, can ease it some what. Your plan ahead sounds like a very good one, and im so sure you will see the brightest BFP very very soon. Just hold on hunny and I will say a little prayer every day that god is watching over you.

    O spring angel, so so exciting, you know the flavour!! well done you for keeping it from us. Thats just awesome that you had a fantastic scan. Hmmm as for names Im not so good on that front!!

    Deb, you sound so busy, hotcross buns, aw so YUM!!! they wouldnt last long in this house either, they never do!I was so sorry to hear you got the witch, but you have a wonderful plan in place, BFP coming your way too, I can feel it!

    Well as for me AF due today, got all the cramping so I know she is hours away, I have never tested early but I thought why not and of course BFN! I so want a plan. I need a plan too, but it seems like know one will help me. Im under the hospital gyno here, and they seem to not worry. I dont know if I should go pay hundreds to see one!! not sure if they would do anything anyway. I ovulate, Im a 28 day cycle, what is there for me really. What would help... Im getting REALLY impatient..
    A big Hi to everyone else, off to bed, too bloated and sore to think straight. So disappointed, but I know once she is here I will just try again...
    Nite everyone xxxxxxxx

  5. #113

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    Lynn: You are strong, you will survive this pain, I know you will. Hang in there babe. As flowerchild once said to me, the universe has amazing plans for you :hugs:

    Flowerchild: I'm with Bailey, can I come and sleep over at your house? I was more a Cabbage Patch girl myself but I am flexible and can do Barbies. You are a wonderful mother and a great friend. Two of the most important traits in a woman in my eyes.

    Bailey: Depends on which test you have and it's sensitivity. The ones I had were really sensitive and I only got a BFP the day or so before AF so if you do test, don't get to put off if it is a BFN. If you can hold out until the weekend then try and test then, if you are anything like me, you will be testing everyday anyway. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I have been looking at names which mean brother/sister/friend and I have come across Brody and Amity which I both really like. Plenty of time to decide so keep them coming.

    Chelle: Good to hear from you babe. I'm sorry to hear that AF is on her way although. About advice concerning TTC, the girls in here know everything there is to know so perhaps Dream, Flowerchild and Lynn can give you some advice/suggestions concerning your options.

    Take care my sweeties,

    Luv Spring

  6. #114

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    Good evening all,

    Lynn Sorry I havent called, Im sorry the news was not good but Im so glad you have a plan in place, as Deb said the injection are not that bad trust me you do what ever you need to do to get that baby! Bring the witch on and lets get started!!!! Thanks for the thoughts with dad, Im not going with him as he needs to be there for 4-5 hours so he said not to worry but I will take him to Thurs appoint.

    Spring Boy or girl, girl or boy.......umh......I will have a think and let you know over the next couple of days. as for names I love a name with a meaning, sometimes you can pick your names and then they are born and look nothing like you thought Im now with, have a good look take some time and go from there! Poor DS waited three days for his!!! I just so very happy all is going well, but whats with the 20 questions?

    Mel Im sorry that DH got the not so good news. Im with Deb on this one all those vitm can do wonders start him on them asap. Im so glad you have decided to build your new home, as I said before new home, new baby you will get all underway and hay presto BABY!

    Deb Im glad to hear other grown women playing with dolls, saturday night I was playin with my girlfriends daughter and her "little people" she has them all from the ship to the castles!! I dont get to do girl things with all boys, norm playstaion or pokemon!

    Bailey Im going to take you up on that offer, but thinking might wait till June for the Autum sales to happen But please send me your email and we will talk! Lovin DS and his Baaaaarly! Bet you cant wait!

    Chelle Do you have a Rm/Cunit over there? I will find that doctor who I posted before for you I know he deals with NK cells and Rm/C. Can your GP do anything for you? I think testing could be a good idea. Im sorry AF is on her way, I just wish she would nick off for all you girls.

    Klee Im going to just reiterate what alot of the other girls have said, dont ever feel like you are bringing anybody down we are all here to help each other get through the roughest paths we are following. And my god have a look at me in Dec when my world just feel out from under me!!! I just hope you can feel like you can say what you need and find comfort from us all......Im sending you a great big down the computer hug.

    Jo As Deb has said it can take a while for our bodies to get back on track as much as we dont want to wait. There is a blood test to confirm if you have O but it has to be done on day 21-22???? DEB confirm or deny (sorry its late and I need bed) but your GP can arrange this if it would put your mind at ease. Dont apologise for whinging that what we are here for. anytime.

    To anyone I have missed Im sorry but I do hope you are well.

    Well I had a wonderful day babysitting and will again tomorrow, my girlfriend had to work and I happen to be avail!!!!! like what else was I doing, so I played with him all day well accept when sleeping, And I will be taking him out to luch with me so i can push the pram and play babies again........Do I sound sad and desperate? It is fun but. Oh but the way Deb can you send me the recipe for hot cross buns better still send me some over night they sound good!!! You are such a good mum. Im off to bed I need all the energy I can get for my 18mth old tomorrow. Good night and sweet dreams to you all.

    Luv Nat xxx

  7. #115

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    Nat have fun babysitting.

    Lynn you will get the baby you so deserve, you are in my prayers every night, and I know that Cooper, as Harrison has for Spring, will guide this most precious gift to you.

    Spring, glad to hear lil spring is blossoming, Harrison must be a proud little angel in heaven.

    Deb I second the call on the hot cross buns, they and Venetian biscuits have become my vice and diet since Phoebe's passing. If only I had the recipe I would not have to stock my freezer up for the winter months!

    You ladies have given me a task to get through today, to learn what all the initials stand for. I know what you are basically talking about but am flying a bit blind, so sorry for my nonchalance.

    Thanks ladies, its been a tough few days and nights but I do realise that guilt is part of the grieving, its just hard not to feel it I guess, and I know all you ladies understand what I am feeling. I guess its that knowledge of utter helplessness for our angels that leads to our guilt.

    I had a few good days prior to the few bad days so I guess I should have been expecting it. I had my first day out with some friends I had not seen or spoken to since losing Phoebe, it was the christening of one of their children, a bit strange as you would know, but a beautiful mass nonetheless. I experienced the first of the non-recognition episodes that you ladies have mentioned in previous posts. I got the hugs but not the words, I kind of understand, seeing as though it was not the place for it and now that I look at it I guess the hugs were recognition in themselves.

    Hi to everyone else, you are all such special ladies, I hope one day to be as strong as you are in TTC. Good luck to you all in TTC.

  8. #116

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    Deb - thank you so much for the moonstone and rose quartz and the lovely card. I will do as you say and I hope that they along with everything else that I have next to my bed helps me next cycle

    Nat - I hope everything goes well with your dad today. Let me know how he is. Have fun babysitting!

    Klee - under 'introduce yourself' there is a thread that lists the abbreviations. This helped me when I first started, so it may help you. You will have good and bad days on this journey. Cherish the good days because they don't come around that often and just ride out the bad days. You can always come in here on bad days and let us know how you are and we can guide you through Wow! How strong are you for going to the christening. It just shows how much strength you do have - I know that there is no way I could have gone to that. I'm sorry that you have experienced the non-recognition episodes. Unfortunately people just don't understand, but like you said, the hug was probably their way of showing they care.

    Chelle - perhaps you and DH could get some tests done just to make sure that there is nothing wrong. I hope that you get your BFP but if not, I hope the wicked witch is kind to you.

    Jo - Nat is right, you can have a bt (blood test) done to check your progesterone levels. This will indicate whether you have ovulated or not. The best time to do it is 7 days after ovulation but if you don't know if you have, just have it done and it will be able to tell you.

    Hi to everyone else

  9. #117

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    lynn, they say you get strengh from the people that support you and well you inspired me to go, I read your email about the shopping centre that morning and thought I can do this, i took my mum for support, I kept focused for the mass, then left in tears. thank you for your inspiration.

  10. #118

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    Hi Gorgeous Women!

    Lynn: I am glad you received your crystals - I wished a thousand wishes over them before I posted them. YOU WILL have another child. I am glad that a plan gives you comfort too. Sometimes our bodies just need a little shake up! The FSH has a good reputation for women who have a little trouble ovulating. Bring on that period and let's get this show on the road!!!

    Nat: Thankyou for the kind words - I am glad you got some "girling up" with your friends little one. It's fun sometimes hey to see the world from the ground up. I have a friend who has four boys and she loves to play barbies!!! I struggled with the whole perfect woman barbie thing but...

    Spring: I think your idea for a name is a beautiful one. Good luck on the hunt for that perfect name.

    Chelle: As Nat says you can have a blood test 7 days post ovulation that is often called cd21 test - it is simply a serum (blood) progesterone level. A level greater than 20 indicates that ovulation has occured. In women of our age (arghhhh) they like the level to be up around 40. It shows then that a "good" ovulation has occured. I would be requesting it from your gp. What cd are you on?
    As for is there anything else? Well yes. I ovulate on my own too - I have had a luteal phase defect (when the time period after ovulation is shorter than 12 days - mine was 10-11 days). An effective treatment for this is clomid. Clomid has managed to increase my LP to 14 days so thats great. However, as you know as you age it is sometimes a bit more of a challenge to get a good egg. You could be releasing an egg each month but even in young women not each cycle will you release a healthy egg. Then if you get the egg you have to time intercourse correctly - contrary to popular opinion it is unlikely (not impossible or improbable but unlikely) that your egg will be fertilised by healthy sperm if you don't have intercourse in the 24 hours around ovulation. So, you need to know with a pretty good window when you are going to ovulate. This can be done with temping or with opk's. I personally can't temp as my sleep is too disrupted so I have learnt (and it took some time and patience) to use opk's.
    Personally if I were you I would get a consult with an obs - someone recommended by word of mouth. As Nat says given your history looking into an autoimmune cause for your losses would be a really positive move (I think). An obstetric immunologist would be a really good investment. I am not sure how the system works in NZ but I think you have a medicare type subsidy. Either way a consult with a specialist would be really valuable. Many obs are of the belief that for women of slightly mature age that stimulating the ovaries to produce more than one egg a month is a more proactive way of acheiving a pregnancy. The thought is that out of 2-3 follicles that there is more likely to be at least one good egg! So what could take 3 cycles to acheive only takes one or whatever but you get the gist. You can do this with clomid or with FSH (which is what Lynn will be beginning on this next month).
    I hope that helps some - it sounds like Nat has some contacts for you... It's a really frustrating gig this journey with so many opinions and options. Sometimes it's really hard to know the right path to take... Sending you a big hug...


    Bailey: It is a bit of an adventure sometimes! I love living here - I love the lifestyle and the country town way of life. Sometimes I miss all the wonderful food in the city and the options but at the end of the day I think myself very blessed to have what I do.
    With an early detection test you could test tomorrow with fmu - however, it could just be too early as well. I feel for you in the 2ww - it's not a fun time.


    Klee: A christening would have been a really hard call :hugs:. Sometimes people just dont' have the skills to know what to say. Sometimes it's just hard to find the words... I do know though just how important it feels to be able to talk - to be able to say what it is you need - to talk of Phoebe and to have the people that you love do that too. I am sorry that you didn't get that. Those hugs though sound like they were loving and heartfelt. I hope you are okay... Sending you lots of love


    Well we have been to playgroup this morning - very exciting with Easter around! I am tired at the moment and am so looking forward to going away tomorrow afternoon for the Easter break! How exciting - after posting here I am going to pack the bags before a certain 4 year old gets home from preschool and directs a fashion parade!
    My friend is arriving home tomorrow with her twins. It's very exciting for us all! My kids have made cards and painted pictures for the new babies - very cute!
    I began on my 150mg dose of clomid last night. One night down 4 to go. I am worried it will take me to an evil place - the clomid really does affect my moods (I wouldnt' admit that to my DH though!) I am praying that this is the last dose and that this is the month for a bfp for me.

    I will pop back in later on. I hope you are all having a lovely day...

  11. #119

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    Klee - I am so glad that I am able to help and support you. It really touched my heart to read that I had inspired you to go. I wish sometimes I could inspire myself. It is a massive step that you took and you are allowed to cry as much as you want. I think through the loss of Cooper he has made me a much better person and he has helped me find my 'calling'. I like to help people. I want to try and help people through this heartbreaking and painful journey. I know how much it means to have fantastic support around me so I want to be able to provide that back to people including you. I won't lie to you, this is a hard path and I wish that none of us had to travel it, but I have realised that I can't wake up from this nightmare so I have to live it as best as possible. There are hurdles along the way and some are very high but we get there.............one step at a time, together. Phoebe is watching over you and is so proud to have a wonderful, beautiful mummy.

    luv & hugs
    Lynn
    xxxxxxxxx

  12. #120

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    Deb - I hope that Clomid is kind to you I'm sure DH is used to it now! I know my DH was last time I was on it. I too hope that this month is your BFP! We have been a bit slack on the graduations here. I realised something this morning though - depending on when AF arrives I think my o time is going to be around the time that I am going to be in Qld. I would really have prefered to be at home. I'm sure we will be able to do things up there if need be???? Nothing I can do now, just wait it out and see what this month brings me

  13. #121

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    Lynn, if you are having fsh injections you will be having u/sounds regularly to check on follie growth and size. Generally you will start on a low dose and then they will start to u/s you and blood tests. If your follicular growth and number are optimal they will continue with the doseage until ovulation or increase/decrease as needed. You can have u/s done in a general u/s practice but often centres will have 'sister' centres in other states. I would check it out with your FS - he may prefer to monitor the cycle himself - in which case maybe you could delay beginning your period so you can synchronize?

  14. #122

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    Hey all

    Normally I know when i am ovulating (get pains etc.) but none of those this month!
    Because of DH's diabeties the DR has said to try for 6 months and then come see him for tests and stuff, hopefully a BFP will arrive before then!

    Oh, i normally use an OPK, but haven't got around to getting some more yet.

  15. #123

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    Hi gals,
    I just have a quick question for the serial testers....I gave in and did a HPT just this afternoon even though I know I'm about 6 days too early. Now, there is a faint line. When I say faint, I mean VERY faint, so I am not going to get excited yet, but is is there. But what I want to ask is could this mean there is a chance for me?? Can the test's show a faint line and still be negative, or will I just need to try again in a few days to be sure?? The instructions say that any line no matter how faint is a positive, but this is so faint I just can't trust it. I am trying not to get excited as I had pretty much given up....
    Thanks guys...fingers crossed!

  16. #124

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    OH that's exciting Bailey!!!!!
    Okay, a line is a line as long as the line came up in the time frame specified and it has colour. A line without colour or a greyish colour could be an "evaporation line". Basically a line that shows where the test would be if it were positive. I know that some women on BB are getting feint lines with Fortel and they are incorrect. I had a really bad experience a while back with Discover Onestep - having said that I have used it since then (because it's the only brand our one and only chemist stocks!)and it has been very accurate so the problem I think has been fixed. You get a good line very early in pregnancy. I got an unmistakeable bfp 8dpo with my October Angel.

    So, I guess you can do a couple of things. Buy another test. Wait until tomorrow with fmu and see if that line gets darker.

    I am so excited! I so very much hope that the Easter Bunny has come early!!!!!

  17. #125

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    Thanks Deb,
    The test I used is actually Foretell, and I read that they can be wrong, so I am not going to get excited yet. But is definetly came up in the test time and is very faint, but it is coloured and not grey. I know that it is abit early, so I am not going to believe it just yet. I might go and get the discover onestep tomorrow and TRY hard to wait it out for another couple of days and try again. I just don't want to jump the gun. What a nice surprise it would be, as I said, I had already convinced myself it wasn;t to be this month. Fingers crossed!! Thanks again.

  18. #126

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    Oh,,meant to ask....If I keep the test can it get darker tomorrow? Is that what you suggest??

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