TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the first trimester Sept '07

[shereejoy]

Hi Jlk. Nice to see you here.

Well ladies I am not sure if this is the thread I should have posted in.

I can see alot of you have had stillborns and for that I am deeply sorry.

I guess of recent times I have come more to grips with my m/c's as I know that m/c is definitely better then a stillbirth.

I just had a d&c on the 31st of August 07 for what appeared to be twins (identical). This is the 2nd lot of twins I have m/c, one set before the pregnancy of my son Lachlan. Now he was a very eventful pregnancy with lots of red profuse bleeding and huge clots were passed, but amazingly he is here.

I have been having a hard time trying to deal with the fact that I have lost 4 babies now and I am so confused as to why my body keeps producing them if I can't obviously carry them. So I am praying and hoping for a single healthy non-complication pregnancy, when I fall pregnant next. Although my gyno has mentioned of my high risk of having another twin pregnancy but doesn't ever believe they will be successful.

I have been beating myself up that I have a healthy son (other then some major issues with severe reflux) and I should be ever so grateful and I am but why do I still hurt. I know there are people out there far worse then my situation which makes me feel guilty for being so sad at times.

I thought I wouldn't feel so bad this time as I have proven I can have a child whereas the first time there was always doubt if I could ever have children.

Anyway sorry if I have posted in the wrong area and sorry again to those who have had stillborn babies. It touches my heart that life can be so cruel at times.

Love to all.

[klee]

auntie m - thinking of you today on yeti's 6 month birthday, happy 6 months handsome, i know your watching over your mum, dad and sibling peanut, keep them safe.
jo - hope ds is okay, how nasty of the teachers, what do they think he's putting it on? how terrible
well i became an aunty again overnight, to a little girl, haven't seen her yet but she is here, alive, healthy and safe and thats the main thing. my brother called to tell me but text the rest of the family, i thought that was kind of nice, i had to put df on to take the rest of teh call because as you can expect there was a few tears, happy and bittersweet ones. i spoke to them both this morning and we were all crying, but as i said to them, this isn't about me, this is about you guys and your beautiful healthy daughter, they are happy for me to visit whenever i am ready, so thats good too.
as for me, no sign of af yet, she is not due til tomorrow though, i did test this morning but i don't want to get my hopes up, going to wait a few more days before testing again, thats if she doesn't turn up in the meantime.
anyway i hope everyone is well and i'm sorry it was all about me today

[angelicdragon]

I lost the thread. now I have marked it again I'll be back when I have more time.
hugs and thinking of you all
Judy

[Ellie]

Oh Klee...I became an Aunty 4 weeks ago and it is a time of such mixed emotions. Your family sound so caring and understanding...which is really special. I spent the afternoon with my nephew on Friday and I just love him to bits but it did cross my mind...'would our babies have looked like him?'...he is the first bub on my side of the family which stirs up all those types of questions I guess...anyway...I'm dribbling...just wanted you to know I think you are so brave xxx

[Auntie M]

howdy everyone.
Klee- nice sunny fall days this weekend, is it spring and lovely there? i love your beautiful signature line to Phoebe. so heartfelt and lovely. glad to hear you had a good, healing laugh the other day -- it is so good for the soul to laugh. thanks for thinking of Yeti today. you are facing your new auntieness with such courage! it is such a difficult journey, take the time you need to face your own feelings.

Mel- yeah, if they won't notice, then it isn't worth it. at this point, you need to do what makes your life less difficult and painful. whatever that is will be the right choice. good on you for making it through that work day -- what an awful assignment.

Ellie- my fingers are crossed for you!

Jo- woo hoo on dh's count!

today is a tough day. Yeti's six month birthday should be such a different day than it is, with no cuddles or smiles or cameras. i love this Peanut and am so glad for her/him, but i want Yeti too. sometimes the pain is so much to bear.

[~StarBright~]

Good mornong Lovely Ladies!!!

I have not been doing much comp work lately, so no BB for me. I have come in early today to get my fix and then i will be gone again for a few days!!

KLEE i love your new sig, its so sweet. I hope those pains you are feeling are implantaion and uteris stretching pains!!! I am still crossing everything for you!! Yes, everything, we haven't been putting in much effort this month!! You never know, it might pay off, his swimmers might be extra keen seeing as they arn't getting out much!! LOL
It sounds like your family have been really understanding about you and their new bub. Congratulaions to them from me. And a bigggg hugg to you and DF. It is so bitter sweet isn't it. Some people make this whole having babies thing look too easy! Like you said, it will be us one day!!

Auntie M Happy 6 months to your darling Yeti. I am sure he is celebrating in his own special way. I was thinking about how we talked about our little angels spirits, i am picturing that while Peanut is still a peanut and his or her spirit is still free and roaming, that it may mean that peanuts spirit and yeti's spririt could be spending time flittering around together before peanut joins the people world. I thought you might like that picture in your mind. And i beleive that our beans or sprouts or peanuts spirits can roam while they are in utero before they are actually born. And i beleive that our angel babies are out there somewhere in the same space time continuum (ok i made that bit up- i dont know know what a time space continuim is, but it sounds good!!) So it makes sense to me that they are out there together for this short time!! What do you reckon?

MEL Hey there, i have been completely un motivated this month!! I haven't sent away for opk's or pg tests, i haven't made another dr's appt, i am just being slack. I will make an appt today to see my local ob and to get another referral to a high risk ob on the coast. This is my mission. But i am just following my origianl instructions by staying off aspirin until preg and take it from there. But i will get my anti done again before i get preg cause as you were saying its harder/not possible to get an acurate level when you are actually preg. As i said, i have been completley un motivated this month, and knowing me, this is when it will happen!! I hope sooo!!!
I have half picked up from your posts that some good friends of yours have forgotten Nicholas on his special day- i agree with the others, as hard as it might be, if they are your friends then it should matter to them how your are feeling always, in good times and in bad. there is nothing worse then "Fine weather Friends" They are the kind of people who are only there for the good times and who tend to disapear when things get tough or uncomfortable. They could at least be upfront and maybe tell you that they at least remember its Nicholas's day and that as much as they love you it is too much for them, but they could at least acknowledge him and your pain.
I get the ****s a bit because over the years people have completly forgotten about Darren. And this is even sadder- after loosing Zahra at full term- people then made an assumption that he was forgotten because he was just a feotus, not a full term baby- he will always be special to me he was my first born son,and always will be. And like you said, until it happens to them they just dont get it.

I had an interesting weekend, we had our friends who we haven't sen for a long time visit and they brought their new baby boy Oliver. It was good to see them after such a long time, and it was easy to talk to them, it was like we just saw them last week!! I was a bit unsure how i would feel seeing little ollie, but it was good. I had a feew cuddles and no tears. My friend has had her share of preg problems, with her first son he was born 2 months premi and she has problems with bloodpressure and her and her partner also suffered a miscarrage a few years ago, so i know she appriciates what she has. She took some time out to look at Zahra's pictures and things which was nice. As everyone says she said she looked beautiful like a princess. (Zahra actually means Little Princess, and Darren means Little One)

Well, thats it from me for now, off to do some work- i will be back!!!

Hi Tio judy and Jo!!! (BTW jo, this is a long post!!!!!)

[klee]

morning ladies
kat you crack me up, you sure you not a trekkie, lol, space time continuum, but laughing aside its a good way of looking at it. i have to tell you, when we fell with phoebe, df probably only got lucky once that month and thats cause it was my birthday, he kept joking that it was immaculate conception.
jo - i too had a laugh when you said sorry about the long post, i thought to myself have you ever seen kat or mel's lol, sorry ladie. how is ds today? hows his collarbone?
ellie - you give me hope that i too can love her to bits, i have spoke with mel about this before and our nieces and nephews are the next best things to our own children, so whilst we have no children of our own we should spoil our nieces and nephews rotten, because lets face it when they are healthy and here they are a blessing.
auntie m - sorry yesterday was so tough, 6 months is a big milestone, they should be half a year old, thats huge, love, hugs and all thats warm to you, dh, yeti and peanut.
judy - how you feeling? af treating you well?
as for me, still no af and no signs of anything, just feeling a little warm, not testing today for obvious reasons. af please please stay away, and don't come back for many a day (or 9 months or so)
thanks for the wishes for my niece, just saw a photo of her and she looks exactly like her brother, still a few days away from going, so preparing myself mentally

[Lynn]

Klee - big big hugs to you babe. It is nice to hear the safe arrival of a bub but it is so bittersweet for you. Take your time and look after your emotions :hugs: I hope you get your own good news very very soon. Sending you heaps and heaps of I have everything crossed for you. Thinking of you babe

Auntie M - i posted to you in the other thread but again happy 6 months birthday to little Yeti. Thinking of you :hugs:

SB - that was very brave of you to hold that little bub. I'm so glad that they wanted to talk about Zahra and see pics - it must have made you feel good.

Jo - I hope DS is ok? This month sounds promising - I hope you do catch that eggie.

Hi to Ellie, Judy and Mel

[~StarBright~]

just tried to get a cycle ticker from lilpie, its only coming up as a link- is this bad? how do i get the picture? Can anyone help?
Thanks!!

[klee]

sorry kat, i don't know anything about them

starting to get some pains, doesn't feel good

[angelicdragon]

Kat do you have the [img] and [/img] tags around it? It should show up if you put the tags around it. Having a relaxed cycle sound slike a good idea. Sort of doing the same thgn here but only coz I am sure tha no matter what i do anymore I am not getting a bfp so why bother with the hassle anymore. Just BD and that's it.

AuntyM I am sure Yeti is looking after peanut for you . It wouldn't have been unrealistic either to have Yeti and to be pg again so soon so it must be painful for you. (((hugs)))

Ellie you are so brave. I know I found it hurt too much to hold other or see other babies after Annabelle and before Samuel. I even stopped going to church coz of all the new babies and pg mums. And now after several m/c I stil can't face going back. Fingers crossed for you with the ICSI.

Jo what is next on the TTC radar for you now that you have DHs SA back?

hugs and hi to those I missed
Judy

[jlk]

Hey all,
DH's sperm analysis isn't back he hasn't had it done yet! what i meant was *TMI WARNING* usually when he ejaculates there is nothing there, as in no semen at all, but last week he actually had semen, although it was only a little bit!

Hey Klee, hope af stays away.

sb - bummer on the no computer

AuntieM - happy 6 month b'day for Yeti for yesterday!

Judy - Hello, how are you?

Hi to everyone else!

ps - ds is a bit better, back to school with him tomorrow, hopefully he lasts the whole day! LOL!

[~StarBright~]

Thanks Judy, i found the right thing to cut and paste and it worked!!
I feel very official now that i have a ticker!!!! Except my dates are going to be a little off until i find my cycle again!!

LYN Thanks, it was nice that my friend wanted to see pictures of Zahra. She started crying when she saw them too. She really is a special friend, she was the person who was there for me with my other losses (she took us to the hospital and everything), she said that she wished i had called her and told her when it happened so she could have come to the funeral, but i just couldn't make that phone call until i was ready coz i figured she would either be pregnant or have had a baby (she would have been JUST pregnant if i had called when it hapened) and i wasn't ready for that. It was only since i started coming in here that i think i was mentally prepared to hear her news. And it was so good to see them that i didn't just focus on their baby, it was all just happy and good, which was really nice.
I think some of the girls in here are conspiring to break you and make you give in and tell us your flavour...... and i will do my bit to help them!!! I think you are having a girl coz you have said that your DH doesn't want to use Hope coz he doesn;t like it..... which tells me you are throwing girls names up to choose from.... but that is just my little devious mind at work!!! Good luck keeping it a secret!! LOL

Ellie Hi there!! Just wanted to say hello! You are brave too having cuddles with a baby!! It is hard when you are clucky isn't it!! I have the same problem. When i see a baby, the clucky side of me just wants to cuddle them forever, then reality hits and i remember why i am still so clucky!! I still get that initial want to pick them up and cuddle them, i just cant do it for too long!! One day soon we will have our own bundles of joy to cuddle everyday!! Bring it on!!

KLEE (holder of the crazy lady stick this week!! Dont worry, i'l have it back soon!!!) i am settling in for the afternoon, i will pm you soon. i hope AF is staying away and your pains are preg pains. My friend i just saw tells me she gets period like pains when she is concieving, i have heard that from a few ppl, so i am holding those thoughts for you!! STAY AWAY AUNT FLOW- you are not wanted here!!!! And no i am not a treckie!!!! LMAO!!!! But in high school we did go through a drunken phase of nicknaming ourselves after treckie people- i was called Cpt. Kirk!!! And we beamed up plenty of Scotch Scotty!!!! I dont think i have actually ever seen an episode!! I think i got the time space continuem thing from watching Dr. Who... same sh*t, different channel!!! SLMAO!!

MEL Hi dear, i felt so slack this morning that i have pulled my finger out and i have ordered my opks and preg tests and made my drs appt. (Thats alot for me to do in one day!!!LOL) But i cant get in until 4th of October (hence why i usually opt for the other guy, i can get in right away, but i am sick of seeing 20 different dr's, so i will just have to wait my turn!!) I will get my ACa done again and i will ask a few more q's about the aspirin. Hey i just had a thought, wouldn't it be cool if i needed to see him anyway by Oct 4th!!??? I hope so!!
Good on you for making it through all your reports!! I have often thought about you and what you do and how you would be coping with dr offices and preg ladies. It would be hard on you, especially temping coz you wouldn't want to have to tell a new boss everytime what has happened and how it might effect you. Big Hugs to you. How is the IVF going? Like i said i would, i have completely forgotten what you will be doing when. Are you back on the pill again yet? There will be a time when we want AF to be here on time or something too right? That will be weird, wanting AF to turn up!! But its all part of the process i guess.
I have been slack on the emails too, (so you are forgiven lol) but i will be so onto everything when i finally get my lap top!! (this month hopefully!!!) You thought they could get long before!!! Everyone watch out when i get my own comp and i can be connected 24/7!!!!!

Jo Thats interesting about your DH. Is he doing anything to try and help him make sperm or has this just happened out of the blue? I had to have a little giggle, i pictured the two of you examining his little blob of goo saying "oh, look at that, we have sperm!!" But seriously that is a great boost of confidence for you guys!! It will make a world of difference! Just knowing its there! Lets just make sure it all goes where its meant to!! Its to go in.. not to be looked at!! Sorry if i am being slightly immature on this topic...i dont mean to make any fun, just showing my age. And hey, there has to be some humour in our sad attempts. I hope you dont mind i found this so funny!!

Auntie M Thinking of you and sending big hugs your way!!

JUDY Thankyou for your help with my ticker!! i found the right thing to cut and paste so i got image!! I had trouble with the link to here too, but i found it eventually!! How are you feeling? Not too crampy i hope. Best of luck and sticky baby dust for this month love!!

We are having what they call in the football world "Mad Monday" at my pub today!! The pub is full of half cut, half naked footballers!!They won the local comp on the weekend (GO the Mullumbimby Giants!!!) They have been shaving their bum cracks and their heads and they are all dressed up (some actually in DRESSES) or half naked!! It is quite funny. I am upstairs listening to the roars of laughter and yelling music (they have played We are The Champions like 20 times!!) and good fun!! I am glad i am up here though!! Its scary down there!!! But its all in good fun!!

Thankyou Cessie for your baby dust and your inspiring story!! Its stories like yours that has helped to give me the confidence to be TTC again!! Lapping up my share of dust!!! Thankyou!!!

I am off to do a bit of work for now, take care everyone. Have a beautiful day!!
love katti xoxo

[cessie]

Hi Ladies,
I hope you dont mind me popping in I was just reading your letters and I wanted to send some Baby dust to you all . I lost three angels before I managed to have my two beautiful children. I count my self very lucky. Good luck to you all.

[klee]

happy 7 months my precious girl, if you were going to be anything like your cousin you would be walking by now, so much to have lost, so much to be missed, wishing you were here.
sorry ladies no personals tonight, i've just realised i have barely touched the surface of my emotions, so much going on, so much to deal with, but you all know how i feel.
hugs to everyone tonight

[Mel1977]

~ Happy 7 month Birthday Phoebe ~

Big :hugs: to you and DF Klee, you already know I have been thinking about you today. I am sorry you have to go through this each month, its so unfair and I cant say anything to make it "ok", I just wish I could.

Love from Mel, DH & Nicholas

[Lynn]

Happy 7 month Birthday Phoebe Thinking of you and DH today Klee.

[Mel1977]

SB - You are right about friends, I dont really consider them GOOD friends (well not anymore anyway LOL) but it still bothers me kwim. Well done on getting your apps sorted and opks ordered, hopefully you will be seeing him for all the right reasons! Do you think you have O'd this month? I noticed you are 10 days to testing, any ideas? Started Synarel on Saturday, on OCP until 21st - then waiting, waiting, waiting until 28th when I have scan... from there your guess is as good as mine

Lynn - Did you get my email? I think you know which one I am talking about

Aunty M - Happy birthday to Yeti for yesterday

Jo - Sending vibes your way.

Ellie - How you going? I started Synarel on Saturday - man, it tastes awful! And it makes me want to sneeze, and of course your not allowed to LOL. When do you start yours?

Judy - Welcome back - how could you lose us?

Cessie - Thanks so much for your kind post, I am sorry you have had to go through your losses - I am happy you finally got your 2 little precious ones, boy what others take for granted huh!