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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the 1st Trimester

  1. #37

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    Dream: I am so sorry that you grandmother is very unwell. It is a very difficult time for a family. I lost my grandfather in August of 2005 and I still get really upset just thinking about him.

    About your DS, when I was about 9 my other Grandfather passed away. I was very close to him and he only lived down the road so I spent many afternoons either in the garden or in the shed watching him fix something. He was my world. He passed away from a heart attack very suddenly. My mum and dad said that I couldn't go to the funeral but I begged and eventually they said I could go to the church service but not to the grave site. After the church service I remember telling my parents that I wanted to go to the cemetary and say good bye and they let me go after a lot of convincing. I recall the funeral very clearly, I think one of the things that upset me the most was seeing my Dad cry during the Eulogy (sp?) but the other thing that it allowed me to do was to truely understand what happends and it wasn't as scary as I had imagined. The other really healing thing was the wake, I got to hear funny stories about my Grandad from the people who knew him his whole life and that made the day complete.

    I am very sorry that you are having to consider such things, and I really hope that your Grandmother pulls through, but you know your DS and what is the best for him. I wish that I had the chance to say goodbye to my Grandfather while he was alive. He was taken away so suddenly that the funeral was the way I said my farewell. If you DS wants to see his GGM, it may help him understand, and accept the cycle of life, perhaps keep the visit short, and talk to him about what she is like before you go. All children are differnt though, so I am sure you will do what is best for your DS and for your family. Big warm fuzzy :hugs:

    Lynn: I don't know what your body is up to so I am sorry I can't give any useful advice. I of course hope that you are pregnant, but if it is not to be, I hope that the stupid witch just shows the heck up.

    Mel: I hope DH is ok. When you feel like it, drop in and let us know how you are going. I am sending all the positive vibes I can muster.

    Flowerchild: It never ceases to amaze me just how much you seem to know about the female form. You are astonishing. You always have such useful advice for all of you. I really just wanted to say thanks.



    Bailey: I must have missed your post about Bali. Excuse the dumb question but when do you go? I have never been there but I can imagine just how beautiful it must be. Hope you are having a good day.

    Well the appointment at the pshyc went well. I talked to him about how worried I am because my ob wants me to go to 38 weeks. He said it isn't his job to advise on medical issues, but that he used to be an OB and would write to my OB and explain the true extent of the fear. He said his interest was my health and that if it all go to much then he would explore opportunities down the track closer to the birth. I am glad that I feel like he is on my side.

    Well the ob appointment is at 5.00pm today and then DH heads straight back to Canberra. He is asleep on the couch at the moment because he has been working such long hours. Can wait to see Lil Spring again.

    I'll pop in later and let you know how I go.

    Big Love
    Spring

  2. #38

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    Nat - I would love to make a pair of booties for you. Lynn's pair will be finished this afternoon so I should have yours done by next week. Sooner if I don't get called in for night shift tonight.

    As for the funeral / seeing dying people thing. It depends on the child. My nephew was 2 when his Pa (my Pop) died. He remembers him going to hospital and when asked he will tell you that Pa is a star. His other GGF died around the same time. My uncle died the month before Caitlyn was born and nephew saw him the month before that before he died (but when he was dying from cancer). He went to my uncle's funeral too (as did my niece but she was 2 and we had noone to leave her with).

    When Caitlyn died, my nephew (4 1/2) was desparate to talk to me the night we found out. He was blunt (aren't they always ) and asked if my baby died in my tummy. He wanted to talk to me after she was born but was prevented for about 3 days until they could hold him back no longer. He asked if Caitlyn was a star now like Pa. He came to the funeral (which was just a small number of immediate family) and one of his first questions before the service was where was Caitlyn going to be buried. I explained some people get put into the ground like uncle and others get turned into ash and Caitlyn will be turned into ash. I had pre-empted this question so I was prepared - no choice with this child!!!

    Now, my nephew takes Caitlyn's picture out of the cupboard to talk to occasionally. He has been very sweet with this pregnancy, initially asking if my baby is still growing and now asking if *alf* is hungry, thirsty etc. We introduced him to this pregnancy earlier than we wanted because we didn't want him to find out from another source (and he also asked when we were having another baby around the time *alf* was conceived!!!) We told him that we had a seed growing and if it continued to grow we would have a baby, but that not all seeds grow and if this one didn't then we would plant another and try again. He is a country boy and this was within the realm of his experience and understanding. We also didn't want to give him the illusion that all pregnancies resulted in a death either.

    For him, there was never an option of excluding him from the process of death and dying. He is a well adjusted little boy who asks the hard questions and gets the answers straight (age appropriate but no fibs - he remembers!!!) He understands that some people die, some get buried and some get cremated but to him they are all stars and they are all still there watching over him. I believe he is an old soul I wouldn't have had it any other way.

    Not all families are comfortable with this approach but for us it works. If your son wants to see his GGM then take him. Ask him what his understanding of death and dying is and if he wants to be involved in the funeral process then allow him that option if you are comfortable with it. They often deal with it better than the grown ups do.

  3. #39

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    Nat - don't be sorry. I knew what the answer was, I guess I was just hoping that I was wrong. I think I am going crazy though - you know what I just did!!!! You are going to think I am a nutcase. I just rang up to confirm my prog levels. I thought what if I heard her wrong, what if she said 80 and not 18. Who was I kidding! She confirmed 18.3
    I'm sorry to hear that your grandmother only has a few weeks. I hope you get to spend as much time with her. Both my grandparents (mum's mum and dad's dad) live in England. DH and I were overseas in 2001 and had planned to see them. I knew they were both sick (Grandpa had bone cancer and my Nan had had a stroke). I arrived in England the day after my Grandpa passed away. I was so angry at myself for not getting there sooner. My dad didn't want me to see him anyway because he said he isn't what you remember. When I saw my nan she wasn't the same person in a way because she used to be so fit, healthy and active and here she was stuck in a wheelchair. But she was still the caring, sweet Nan that I always remembered. It was so hard to see my nan like that but I am so glad that I did get to see her. I have so many beautiful memories from the last time I saw her. I didn't get the chance to go to either funeral because I was back home. I think our parents are always trying to protect us and I guess that is what my parents were trying to do but I am glad that I saw my nan. It is a tough decision for you to make but if he really wants to go then maybe let him. I know that you will do the right thing for your son.
    What colour did you do your hair? A hair cut is always good. I think I need to book in. You are so good, can you send me some :get active: vibes. I have just been feeling sorry for myself lately so have been lying in bed to all hours of the day and not getting my arse out of bed and walking! Ok I will start tomorrow. See those vibes are already working

    Spring - I'm glad your appointment went well. It is good to know that he is on your side. You are probably leaving soon for your scan. I know everything will be fine but I will still wish you the best. Let us know how you go.

    Mel - I hope everything went well with DH today. How did you go at the agency? Thinking of you

    Michelle - Wow! That was quick with the booties. Again thank you so much for making them for me :hugs:

    Hi to everyone else - hope you are all well.

    Be back later to see how everyone's day has been.

    Luv & hugs
    Lynn

  4. #40

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    Hi ladies

    Well Lil Spring is doing really well, bouncing around like a champion. DH was so happy to see him/her and asked if he could take the scan back to work to show the boys. Of course I said yes but I made him promise to bring it back. The poor bugger is driving back to Canberra now for work tomorrow and then is coming back to Sydney tomorrow night for the weekend. It is so nice to have him home.

    There is a storm here at the moment, but it seems to be passing so Frankie isn't losing his mind (too much). Just exhausting himself runing around trying to protect the yard from the big bad thunder. I have had a really emotional and exhausting day. I think I can do a vaginal birth one moment and then I am petrified the next. Oh well, I am just going to concentrate on the 12 week scan next week and take it from there.

    I'll pop in later to do some personals once the storm has gone.

    Big love
    Spring

  5. #41

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    Spring - I'm so happy that lil' Spring is bouncing around in there. It must have been so exciting to have DH with you for the scan. I hope Frankie is ok with this storm that is going over.

    Well the nutcase is back. Not sure what was going on with my temps this morning, but guess who arrived at my place??????????????? Yep the wicked witch has arrived. I don't know whether I should cry or be happy so I will do both I guess in a way I am upset because another month has passed and nothing! I have failed yet again. But at the same time I am happy because it means that this is the start of a new cycle and this cycle has a plan. A plan that is going to work - I'm sure of it! I can promise you that this is the last time that the witch is coming to my place this year!!! So now I am just praying for some good eggies this month

  6. #42

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    Hi Lynn

    I don't know if I should be happy with you or cry with you about AF arriving, but at least the wait is over. I hope she is kind that that the eggies are fantastic and I hope that

    + + = for you this month.

    Luv Spring

  7. #43

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    I love your post Spring! lol

    I guess the hardest part is knowing that I have such long cycles and that my BFP probably won't be here until next month. But what can you do. At least my luteal phase was longer this cycle so that is good thing. I just need to that I have good

  8. #44

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    And the booties full of *alfie* dust I'll post them in the morning!!!

  9. #45

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    Lynn: It must be an added frustration having such long cycles, but you are right, it is great that your LP was longer. How long was it this time?

    Mel: Hey hon, are you out there? I don't want to bother you but I am thinking about you and DH and I hope today was all good news.

    Well it seems another storm is on its way so I am going to stick around for a while. Spoke to the Vet about Franks freak outs which seem to be getting heaps worse and she wants to give me to give him mild sedative so that he doesn't hurt himself. Just pop one in his gob if I know the storm is coming. Apparently as they get used to the thunder you can reduce the dose to zero. On Sunday he got so upset and after running around non stop (I just couldn't stop him) he got all wobbly almost collapsed from exhaustion. A big scare and I don't want him to hurt himself.

    Check in later alligators.

    Luv Spring

  10. #46

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    Michelle, you are a bootie machine!!!!

    Anyway, how are you feeling? That ticker is getting to be pretty impressive, are you feeling any more at ease (if that is at all possible)?

    Luv Spring

  11. #47

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    Thanks Michelle, I really appreciate them. I'll let you know when I receive them.

    Spring - my cycle this month was 37 days with 11 days LP. I have read that between 10-16 is normal. OMG! Am I normal for something! lol. I bet it doesn't say anywhere that 37 days is normal! Oh well. This cycle was actually longer than the last one which was 29 but I only had 7 days LP. I am just happy that my LP is longer. Hopefully this means something - like my body is sorting itself out................only time will tell.

  12. #48

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    11 days is great Lynn, I fell pregnant this time with a 12 day LP so only one day more. I hope your bod is just sorting itself out.

  13. #49

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    Helloooo gals,
    man ya'll can talk huh?

    Dream - Oh just Bali...lol, don't I sound ungrateful?? I am a travel agent and go there a bit, so it's a bit ho-hum. Don't get me wrong, I love the place and can't wait to go, but I wish we were going somewhere a bit more exciting. I really am not sure what to say about letting your son see your grandmother, it's a big decision. But reading Michelles post, I think maybe you should let him go and see her. I think it is a hard thing to do when they are at any age, but I would hate for him to not see her and then you may regret it later iykwim. It must be hard, you just want to protect them from what goes on in the world. My DS said to my mum today "My baby is broken, we have to get a new one" Mum just burst into tears. I just don't know what to tell him. I think this is his limit of understanding at the moment, so I may just leave it at that for now until he needs to know more. I guess it is age appropriate for him, but if your son understand's death, maybe it will be OK to take him along?? I am not sure, it must be so hard to decide.

    Lynn - Well, I too am sad/happy for AF arriving. But at least you can now look forward to a fresh month, and putting you plan into action with your ob. Plus with your booties, baby dust and moonstone, oh and a little work from DH that witch won't stand a chance next month. My cycles are long too, I used to enjoy that, but it's not much fin when ttc is it? I had 36 days between the 1st and 2nd and then 34 days between the 2nd and this one. I have no idea when I will ovulate or anything, I am just going to wing it I guess. Please keep your positive attitude Lynn, it will happen soon I am sure of it Oh I love your ticker, I might go and get me one too!

    Spring - Yay for your naughty Lil Spring. Glad to hear they are jumping around in there. It should only be a month or so til you can feel them. I could feel Asha from about 16 weeks, just little flips and flutters, but I could feel her. Wow, gee I miss her saying that. I am glad that DH was there with you too. Also, that is great about you psych backing you up on the delivering early. It is fantastic you have such a "team" working with you. Your poor dogs, I have a lazy staffy who doesn't budge during the storms though he will run to the end of the earth for a crumb.

    Mel - How did you go today with DH's doctor visit? Thanks for that recipe, I will try it out on the weekend.

    Hi to Flowerchild and Michelle.

  14. #50

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    I'm good Spring. I have a new sense of peace having reached the milestone. *alf* is a busy little boy who entertains me with his activities. Sometimes I wish I knew what he was up to in there - but then again, maybe I don't!!! As for the booties, they are small and a nice way to pass the time. I should be doing my niece's cross-stitch but the knitting is more fun

    Big hello to everyone - I hope you are having a lovely night. I need to get back to the knitting .....

  15. #51

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    Oh Michelle, I didn't realise *alf* was a boy. That is wonderful. Congratulations.

    I'm off to bed soon so Big hugs and nighty ni

    Luv Spring.

  16. #52

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    Yep - a little boy But only the BB girls (and DH and BF) know

  17. #53

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    Hi all, I havent been around cause its been a busy day... and it has taken me a while to read through all the posts LOL.

    Spring - So happy lil Spring is doing well and that DH got to see him/her. I bet this has made his feelings towards the pregnancy alot more real and you will probably find he is different when you talk about everything with him with is fantastic. I am really glad to hear your psych will support you through everything, and also contact your OB on your behalf. I agree with him, if the time comes and you are stressing to the max he will have to reassess the plan for yours and lil Spring's sake. Wow, you wont know yourself with DH home last night and also on the weekend - but I am glad he is gonna be there, lets face it the reason we marry them is cause we kinda like having 'em around.

    Lynn - I am sorry that AF showed, but also not sorry iykwim cause im wrapped you can now begin your next cycle and plan everything. Very happy to see you now have a TTC ticker, hated being the only one Can I ask a really dumb question? If you have a longer cycle, like you said your last one was around 37 days - how do they work out how far pregnant you are? I mean cause you know for me who generally has a 28 day cycle, on the day your period is due you would technically be 4 weeks pregnant. So how would you calculate it if you have a long cycle? I am sorry I know I sound like a bimbo, but I thought ahh well it doesnt hurt to ask. Oh and by the way, I hope she doesnt give you too much grief this month, and I am positive it will be her last visit for 8-9 months!

    Bailey - I am like you, I get myself all upset if I think too much about the feeling of Nicholas moving around inside. I remember I used to complain to DH all the time cause I am sure he would plant the boots into my left ribs all the time, like he was in there saying yeah take that! I would give anything to have him kicking me now, but what can ya do. I hope you like the recipe, and that DS enjoys it - although he will probably prove me wrong.

    Deb - I agree with Spring, you are a wealth of knowledge and you continue to impress me more and more with each day that passes.

    Michelle - Your nephew sounds like such a little sweetie, sorry just had to say that. I have a 3yo nephew and love him to bits, he is also an old soul I think.
    I think what you tell him about the seed is a perfect thing to say, and I will keep it in mind cause we have been talking about what to say and when to tell DHs kids next time. They are 5 and 6 (well and a 2 year old but she just plays and I dont think she understood anything that was going on when I was pg or when we lost Nicholas) and I want them to know early but then keep worrying what if I m/c and then have to explain it, its a tough one.

    Nat - My pa (dads dad) died when I was 7 and I remember seeing him in the hospital, he had a heart attack, and also going to his funeral. He was my favourite person in the world and I was his, my grandmother said to him once when I was naughty "she could kill the queen and you'd say she had a good reason" and he said "yes and so she would". I would be so sad now thinking I hadnt had the chance to say goodbye, I remember him and his death and funeral very clearly which is weird for a 7 year old but none of those memories haunt me or anything, they are just memories. My aunty also died when I was 10 and same with her I got to go to the funeral, she died suddenly so it wasnt the same situation, but I remember the day the police knocked on the door to tell my parents she had died. I do remember that funeral with sadness and I remember very vividly that they played the song The Rose which we played at Nicholas funeral, but again I am grateful I got to go. DHs 3 children went to Nicholas' funeral also, as well as my nephew who turned 3 in Feb this year. We thought they had the right to say goodbye and also felt that as sad as it is death is a part of life and while it is the job of adults to protect children, to a certain degree it is best not to shelter them from the bad things in life. I agree with the other girls, it is ultimately your decision and you are the one who knows your son and what he is or isnt capable of coping with but it might be worth asking him what he really wants and giving the facts and in a way letting him choose. At 8 years old kids can be so wise, but yet in some ways so young. I think they are capable of handling things more easily than we think they can sometimes. Anyway, I guess it is like we have said about everything else in our lives whatever you do will be what you thought was right at the time and therefore no regrets. Thinking of you and your family

    Well as for me, DH is doing well - his bum a little sore HEHE (dont tell him I laughed at that) but we dont get the results until next week so I will have to update you later on that one. My interview went ok, didnt get as good results as last place I saw but they were still happy and said to let them know if and when I want work cause they have it coming out of their ears.

    The cemetary rang DH this morning and said that we can pick Nicholas up on the weekend, actually we can tomorrow but because DH is working it has to wait until Saturday so I am pretty happy with that.

    One last thing to end this lengthy post (making up for no other posts today ) is can anyone tell me what they think may be going on with me? As I mentioned I got AF one day early this month which is weird because every other month since having Nicholas it has been like clockwork and lasts about 5-7 days. Anyway, I AF arrived Sunday night and yesterday I didnt get any bleeding which was odd but I thought it would come back today but again today nothing! Which makes me think AF has finished and in that case only lasted 2 days... Do you think there is a problem? Or is it normal for it to be one way and then just change for no reason? Its kind of worrying me, especially cause it has been 6 months since Nicholas was born and I am STILL not pregnant

    Sorry again for long one.

    Take care, hi to everyone I missed.

    Mel
    Last edited by Mel1977; March 8th, 2007 at 09:38 PM.

  18. #54

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    Hey Mel - I'm so happy that you get to bring your little boy home soon It will be a tough day but also a very special day. I will be thinking of you on Saturday. Everyday I still think about when I am going to take Cooper to his garden. I just don't know, it is such a tough decision.
    I'm glad that DH is going to be ok. I hope you get the results soon.
    I think I am the last person to give you advice on AF!!!!! Look at me, I am so not regular or clockwork, but I hope someone will be able to give you some advice. Are you going to have some tests done? What's the plan? I think you need a plan this month Mel.
    In regards to working out how far I am, they will go off when I ovulate because they will know this. This happened to me with Cooper and I was always interested to see when he would arrive to see if they had the dates right. I guess they also go off measurements of bub. I'll let you know next month eh!

    Bailey - wow it could be a busy month for this thread. 3 of us might be graduating together - I wish we all could I thought I better get a ticker so you can keep up with what day I am at although it is already wrong. It hasn't ticked over to day 2, not sure how to fix it but will try. It is probably on US time.

    Hi to everyone else. Hope you are having a good Friday.

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