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Thread: TTC after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the 1st Trimester

  1. #73

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    Flowerchild: LMAO about your shopping trip. I am sure it wasn't funny at the time but I can just imagine how confused the other shoppers were when they heard over the loud speaker "could the owner of the fish in the bag come to the front desk" I am glad that DH will be back in time for O. I know how hard it is being away from our loved ones. When DH comes home I feel instantly at ease but as soon as he goes I feel on edge. I just can't wait until June when he will be home for good (well for a while at least)

    Mel: Perhaps you did just have a short period if it was really heavy and clotty. I can't remember if you had the hysterography (sp) this month, but perhaps it has something to do with it. Just a thought. I know today is going to be a tough one for you, but Nicholas is going to be so happy to be home with Mummy and Daddy, plant a big sloppy kiss on him from Aunty Spring.

    Lynn: How are you today honey? I will email you later about my scan on Tuesday. You are such a doll for coming with me. DH and I are more grateful then I can explain.

    Dream: Your son sound like such a sweetie. It is gorgeous that he wants to sleep in your bed when dad is away. What a darling, you must be very proud. I hope that your Grandmother is doing ok and that you get a chance to spend some cherished time with her. Big

    Bailey: Hey sweetie, did you managed to get your little boy off to bed without too much drama? I can't wait to be the mother of an earth baby. Being a mother just sounds like such a rewarding experience.

    Well today is the big 12 weeks. I feel like it is another hurdle over, but as you said Mel, it is not the 'safe' time like most woman think. I have my NT scan on Tuesday and after it goes fantastically well, I am going to tell a few people. I am only going to tell my Mum and Dad, one of my sisters and my best friend. I want to try to keep it to myself until after my 19week scan. I don't think I will be able to hide it that long from work, but as most of my friends and family live interstate, unless they can see down the phone, I should be able to manage it. I am really nervous about telling them. I have no reason to be but I don't like keeping secrets so I feel a little guilty that I have. I am sure my Mum and Dad will be over the moon, my big sister will sob (she is a big cryer) with happiness and my best friend will be happy but astounded that I have kept a secret so well. I am usually hopeless at keeping secrets (that is unless they are really important) So tuesday night it is. Any tips on how to tell the fam? I have been so emotional that I am worried I will just cry my way through it. I have to do it over the phone, but I know that I will be asking my sister to sit down first otherwise she might faint (lol)



    Anyway, I'll pop in later. Going to make DH and I a free range egg omlette for breaky. Then off to help DH with the gardening and get on top of all this housework

    Big Love
    Spring

  2. #74

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    Hi Girls,

    Deb Your shopping trip sounds very funny.....I can just picture it all I know it probley wasnt at the time but at least you can look back and laugh, how are the poor fish after there big adventure? more to the point have you recovered? I hope it stops raining long enough to plant your plants.

    Spring Thanks for your nice words, he is a sweetie, and it wont be very long before you are an earth mummy. Im going to take DS over to GN on Tue, all the family (her children) are going to be there this weekend and I think it may be a little to much for everyone! so I will go when its just the three of us. Yum omlette whats your address!!!! Enjoy your weekend with DH and dont over do the housework.

    Mel Thinking of you today.


    Lynn and Bailey Hope your both well.

    Oh yeah are we catching up? when and where I cheeked the other thread and not sure if it was this sunday or 21st yes call me blonde but ........

    We have a weekend with not to much on thank goodness, soccer trials tomorrow moning then just take it nice and slow for a change. Hope you all have a good day.
    Luv Nat xxx

  3. #75

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    YIPPPPEEEE Spring 12 weeks today!!!!!!! Another 25 weeks and you are considered full term that's only 25 weekends!!!!

  4. #76

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    Thanks Dream and Flowerchild.

    Well I have just spent the last hour or so on the phone to a Doula who Kelly (BB Owner) referred me to.

    I cried the entire time and it was so hard to talk about everything she wanted to discuss. She was very empowering though, and discussed with me birth debriefing and hypno birthing. I am going to meet with her next weekend, I feel confident with her that she is going to help get DH and I through this and Lil Spring will be here safe and sound. I just feel so dranined, that conversation was very powerful and even after speaking to her for an hour, I feel a little more clear about what I can acheive as a woman and what I am letting fear do to my confidence.

    I almost feel like I need a sleep. You know when you are a kid and you cry so hard you cry yourself to sleep? That is how I feel. Oh well, as the doula said, she will help me re-write my memories to positive ones and that this pregnancy as well as birth is a healing process not a fear ridden experience. She even said that she can help me get excited about this birth. Well we will see about that

    Back later alligators. Got to hang out the sheets and clean the bathroom. Fun hey?

  5. #77

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    Sorry to Hog the thread today but I wanted to ask some advice.

    Well DH and I were just discussing telling the family about Lil Spring after my 12 week scan on Tuesday. He wants me to wait until the weekend so that we can tell everyone together which I will do because I respect that he wants to do it together.

    The issue that we disagree on is who to tell. I only want to tell my Mum, Dad, Big sister and best friend. DH thinks that it is only right to tell his parents (who have spilt up and remarried) also. Sounds easy enough, but I have some major issues with my MIL. She did a number of things around the time of Harrison's birth which I still can't forgive her for. For example, ringing us up and telling us that she couldn't come to the funeral because it was too difficult to organise flights, accomodation and work WTF!!! This is your grandson. Also telling me that it was God's way WTF again, and not respecting other wishes that we had on the day of the funeral that I won't go into. The other thing that really disappoints and angers me is that it has been over 5 months since I lost Harry, and I have spoken to her ONCE! That is it. She called before christmas to ask us to go to Melbourne for Christmas and I said no, that we wanted to stay home and that it was a time of grief, not celebration. Since then nothing. DH said that she has absolutely no idea how angry I am with her and to tell her. But to be honest I couldn't be bothered going through the drama of telling her and dealing with that stress. She never calls, DH usually calls her. Now my FIL is differen't he has called regularly since DH has been away and I have a really good relationship with my Step MIL and can talk to her about anything. She has been wonderful support.

    So what should we do? DH's opinion is, if we are going to tell your parents, it is only fair to tell his also. But I think I would rather keep Lil Spring a secret from everyone, until the 19 week scan, then have to tell my MIL. I guarantee she will say something stupid like "that was quick" or "lets hope it works this time". I don't usually hold grudges, but I feel protective of Harry, DH and Lil Spring and I just don't want her to know.

    At the same time I want to respect DH and the fact that she is his mother.

    I know I have gone on and on but any suggestions?

    Big love

    Spring.

  6. #78

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    Dear Spring

    This is not an easy one, but I do have to agree if you tell one set of parents its hard not to tell the other. May be you can tell yourside of the family and FIL and stepMIL and let DH to his mum, that way he can break the ice and filter any "comments" that she may have.

    I know how very special this time is for you and you only want positive thoughts and wishes......Im not to sure if this is any good maybe the other girls have a better idea but its hard not to upset our other halfs. Great news on finding your Doula, sometime it is just so good to cry like that a bit like a great rainfall after months of nothing it cleans everything out and makes it feel new again. You are a strong women who now can achive anything you want, Harrison has helped you be able to do that, you just have to listen to your innerself and go with it....I know very deep but I think we are all such amazing women who need to be tolds that a little more.

    As to the washing, it must be the weather I did all our beds today, so did one of my girlfriends! I cant wait to get into bed tonight.....nothing like fresh sheets and clean PJ but it also means no ... btween the sheets, I always tell DH this, I like to feel nice and clean for the first night! Im not sur if I helped but I hope you can come to a decision that makes both of you happy.

    Congrates on 12weeks today!!!!!!!!
    Luv Nat

  7. #79

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    To all the girls

    well so much for my relaxing weekend I had to go into the office and do work WTF, do these people not know how much I hate that!!! but I did get out of having to vaccum, go down to the beach and get the soccer boots, work was not that bad much easier then being at home cleaning the bathroom and running around. Thats what I told my DH and im sticking to it.

    We are out for dinner tonight and then hopeful taking it easier tomorow. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend with loved ones, rest up and be safe.

    Luv Nat xxxx

  8. #80

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    Thanks for your advice Dream, you are right about one in all in, but I just don't want her to know. DH and I talked about it a bit more and I said 'if we told your Mum, do you believe she would not tell the rest of the family until at least 19 weeks?" and he said that he didn't trust her to keep quiet. That makes me even more cautious of telling her. I would be so angry if yet again she didn't respect our wishes.

    Oh well, I am not going to complain too much, it is a good problem to have. I hope work wasn't too full on. I know what you mean about clean sheets. I love washing the sheets and the towels and a hot shower, clean PJ's and then to bed. It is the ultimate recipie for a good nights sleep.

    off to organise dinner but I'll pop in later.

    Luv Spring

  9. #81

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    Hi everyone!!

    Spring - 12 weeks!! Yay!! I don't think anyone can offer any advice that could top the wisdom from Dream. I think you really are stuck, I can understand that you are reluctant to tell everyone, I always said the same thing, that I would try to keep the next one a secret until I could'nt hide the belly anymore. It's a hard one. It just sucks that we feel that we can't shout this happy news to the world, that we have to fear telling people we are pregnant until we reach a certain time. Maybe have another chat to DH and just explain your reasons and I am sure he will have to agree with you. I am sure you can be very convincing That is great you found a good doula, Lil Spring is picking up quite an entourage huh!

    Dream - I know what you mean about them maybe not wanting the cuddles in a few years I always say that to DP, what will we do when he is embarassed to be seen with us, or when he swears at us. Lol, I think my world will crash then. Every morning after DP goes to work, I grab DS a bottle of chocolate milk (he still likes a bottle every now and then) and we cuddle up in bed and watch cartoons together, it's my favourite time of the day, I can't imagine life without it.

    Flowerchild - Lol on your fish drama....it sounds like an episode of some sitcom. Glad there was a happy ending for everyone.

    Lynn - Where have you been? How are you doing?

    Mel - How did you go today? I have been thinking of you all day. I hope you guys are well.

    I had a hard night last night, nothing really specific, just we went out to dinner with a group of friends and one of them has a 5 month old daughter, so cute. Holding her just made me think of what I am missing out on iykwim. Asha would be roughly the same age and size etc. Just kind of made me feel jealous, not in a bad way to my friend, just in a sad way for us. All of us, we all don't have what we should. it all just sent many thought's buzzing around in my head. I used to always think that things happen for a reason. I'm not religeous or anything, I have no idea what goes on out there, but I have no idea what the reasons are for this happening to all of us. Is it just random?? Or is there a big plan?? I don't know.
    Sorry, much rambling isn't there...lol, it's funny when you just write and see what comes out...I'm not crazy, I promise.
    Oh, I don't think I have told you all, I am making an honest man out of DP in 2 weeks. Lol, we have decided to get hitched, finally after 10 and a half years of putiing up with eachother. Just going to the registry, it's quick, cheap and they supply the vows. Lol, that is so me, I am so [email protected] in everything I do.

    Well after all that rambling, i will talk to ya'll later.

  10. #82

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    Spring, I am so so happy that you have contacted a Doula and that you feel as you do after talking with her. I had tears running down my cheeks reading your post. I am just so pleased that you have taken this really big step in this journey. Harry and Lil Spring are blessed to have you as a Mama.

    I would agree with Nat about the in law issue. My MIL would say (and did say) similar things to yours. Sadly I don't have any time for her and nor does my darling husband. Good on you for not wasting your energy on her. You need your energy for much more positive things! I hope you and your DH come to a decision together that feels right for you both.

    Nat: That's a blow about work today I hope you have a lovely dinner out.

    Where is everyone else today?

    Well I have had a productive day in the garden and it's lookin good! It's quite chilly here tonight with a thick mist rolling in. I love it when it's like this up here - it feels so crisp and fresh. Well I have to get back to my kidlets who are watching "Barnyard" - I promised I would only be 5 minutes...
    Nighty night.

  11. #83

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    This is a special message just for Mel...

    I have been thinking of you and your DH and Nicholas today. I hope that today has brought to you some completion and comfort. I am sending you so much love and many hugs - I hope you can feel them...

  12. #84

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    Hey everyone,

    Wow it sounds like it has been a busy time here over the weekend.

    Spring 12 weeks - woohoo!!! I can't wait to meet lil' Spring on Tuesday.
    It's a tough one on the MIL. But maybe like you said, wait until you get the results on Tuesday and see how you feel then. The info you have from the Doula sounds interesting and while it was hard to talk to her, I'm sure she has helped you alot. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to make all the decisions. I think about them now but I don't have to make the decisions just yet. Unfortunately we have lost the innocence of pregnancy and birth. What-ever you decide to do - you know I will support you.

    Mel - how are you doing? I am thinking of you

    Nat - bummer about work!!!! But you did get out of the vaccuming I hope you had a nice dinner last night and a relaxing day today.

    Flowerchild - your trip to the shops sounds so funny! I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time. Hope you are feeling ok and Clomid is being kind to you. I start tomorrow!

    Bailey - you are so strong to hold your friends baby. I know that I wouldn't have been able to do that. It is a big step to take.
    Wooooooohoooooooo on getting hitched that is great! Are you having a dinner or anything after it. What are the plans? That is so exciting!
    Like you I have no idea why we are in this situation. I don't know how we are 'picked' or what we did that was so wrong to deserve this. Everyone believes different things but for me, I just think that it is a tragic accident. Our bubbas didn't mean for us to go through this but I also believe that they didn't move on because 'someone' else needed them more. This is my option only and I don't want to offend anyone, but the way I see it is that I needed Cooper more than anyone. I also don't believe that he made way for his brother or sister. This is just me. I don't know why it happens. I wish I did and could understand why it happens to us, but I know that I will never know why. We all just need to be there for each other and help each other through the pain.

    Well we had a pretty quiet day yesterday. DH mowed the lawns and my sister and BIL came over last night for dinner. I said to DH yesterday that I am home all day during the week on my own and come the weekend I would like to do something nice with him other than being at home. So today we caught the rivercat into town and went to the markets at the Rocks. I bought a sagattarius dream catcher - it is blue and has a crystal star on the end! How could I walk past that. It says "Sagittarius - high spirited, fun, loving extrovert. Aims for the stars." I just had to buy it. Now I need to find somewhere to hang it. We then walked around to the Opera House and Mrs Macquarie's Chair and then walked into Darling Harbour! That is a huge walk!!!! We had lunch and then got the ferry home. It was a nice day out and we have decided that we will do it more regularly.

    I hope everyone had a nice weekend. Big hugs to you all.

  13. #85

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    OMG Bailey

    HOW EXCITING THAT YOU ARE GETTING HITCHED... That is fantastic news. I don't think it is half [email protected] at all. You obviously love eachother after over 10 years so who cares how you do it. I am jumping around excited for you. YIPPIE!!!!

    Lynn: It was nice talking to you before. I am glad you had a nice day with DH. It sounds wonderful. I can't wait to see you on Tuesday, you are a lifesaver.

    Flowerchild: Thank you for your reassuring words about the Doula. I just want to have all the help and resources I can so that I have the best chance of getting to a vaginal delivery. If I change my mind that is ok also. I need to heal, I know that. So hopefully she will join me on that path.

    Dream: I hope your work didn't call you in today also. Did you have a nice night out at dinner last night. I hope so.

    Mel: I know this weekend would have been really tough for you, but just know that when you are ready, we are all here for you :hugs:

    Well I have made my favourite creamy chicken asparagus and I am just about to sit down and watch the biggest loser and feel guilty about how yummy my dinner is. Only 2 sleeps until my 12 week scan. I feel excited, nervous, anxious, happy everything at the same time.

    Try to drop in later.

    Big love
    Spring

  14. #86

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    Hello,


    Thanks for all the 's. Lol, it is funny, I have never been one to want to get married etc, but I think everything that has happened has made us look at what is important. We don't have anything planned after it, in fact 3 days later DP will be off on a boat trip to indonesia for 2 weeks surfing. DS and I will be meeting him there 2 weeks after that, so we will class that as our honeymoon Wow, how romantic, especially since a bunch of our friends will all be there too, including my brother, lol.

    Lynn - Sounds like you had a nice day. The dream catcher sounds beautiful. Thanks for listening to my ramble, sometimes I find I just need to purge it all. I agree when you say that no body need our babies as much as us, that's why I am so confused, this has really changed the way I think about things.

    Spring - How was your dinner? I just ate a big greasy kebab while watching the biggest loser too. I love those crappy shows. I so hate the red team though, I was glad they lost the weigh in, that should wipe those smug grins off their faces. I betcha Munnalita gets the boot. I hope so. Yay for the ultrasound on tuesday. Have you decided what to do about the MIL?? You will have to send me a pic of that cheeky lil spring so I can see how much they have grown since last time.

    Mel - I hope you are well.

  15. #87

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    Hi everyone,

    Thanks to everyone for thinking of us over the weekend, it means alot to me We brought Nicholas home on Saturday and I can't really say too much about how I feel. In a way I feel happy, in a way I feel sad, in a way I don't feel anything. I thought maybe that sounded awful until a very wise person (Lynn) said to me that maybe its cause I feel so many things at once. I have updated Nicholas' web page with a picture of his urn if anyone wants to have a look, it really ended up being a perfect choice for his place on top of the piano and they managed to get it in blue which we were so happy about.

    Lynn - Thanks for the chat, it really did help me feel a little better tonight.

    Spring - I sent you an email and pretty much responded to most of your posts in there (I think). Only 2 sleeps until your NT scan which is just going to be great, and you have a wonderful woman going with you for support so you all will be

    Bailey - CONGRATULATIONS That is so wonderful and I am so happy for you. It is funny how our angels change our way of thinking, I used to be anti marriage "why should I get married?" "it's only a piece of paper"! Until I had Nicholas and DH and I got married on 25 November just gone and we only decided to get married after Nicholas cause he showed us what really is important in life and that is each other and our families. When we told our families they nearly fell over in shock at our decision! We also just went to the registry and did the simple and cheap thing and afterwards had a few family and friends to dinner at my fave mex restaurant (and everyone paid for themselves), it was great. And like you, it was so me! You will have such a wonderful day and even though you have other people going on your holiday with you, it is still a pretty decent honeymoon. What better way to celebrate the beginning of a new page in your life book than with your husband, son and good friends?

    Deb - Thank you so much for the special message, it really did make me feel good. Barnyard, I like that movie - I love all the kids movies! Hope that rain has eased off for you.

    Nat - Bummer about having to work on the weekend, that really sucks! I hope you had a nice dinner to make up for it though.

    Take care, will check in tomorrow.

    Mel

  16. #88

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    Hey everyone,

    Hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

    Spring - one more sleep babe! Not long now - your ticker is flying by. Before you know it, you will have that screaming, pooing bubba in your arms.

    Mel - Nicholas' urn is just beautiful. I know you have mixed emotions, but it must be so good to finally have your bubba home. Take care of yourself, be kind and you are always in my thoughts
    What's happening on the work front? I forgot to ask you yesterday. Are you starting work today? If you are, I hope it all goes well.

    Bailey - I think that it is beautiful that Asha made you realise what is important. Nicholas did the same for Mel and I just think that our bubbas bring out the best in us because they make us strong.

    Nat - how are you going? How is your grandma and dad going? I've been thinking about them and you. Has DS seen your grandma yet?

    Flowerchild - how are you after your eventful weekend? I hope the rains eased off for you. Yesterday was really hot here but today is nice, it is a bit overcast though. I can't wait for winter. I love it when it is a beautiful blue sky but a crisp fresh air and all rugged up. Or even better when I am under the doona with a hot choccie.

    Well I have decided that I am going to take the step and go into work today. Although I have told them that I am not going back, they have kept me on the books and told me not to resign because they said that one day I might feel like doing part time work and they will find something for me. They have been so good to me through it all so I do want to keep my ties with them in case I do feel like going back to work one day. So I will let you know how it all goes. I will probably be a blubbering mess

    Well DH made up my mind about my dress. He said that I deserve a new dress so go out a buy one I will keep my other dress because it is a beautiful dress and I guess I have good and bad memories in it. I remember wearing it when I was pg with Cooper so that is nice but then the funeral is a bad memory but I don't really remember that day. I might need to wear the dress again when I am next pregnant (which is going to be very soon!!!! )

    Day 1 of clomid - come on, this is my month!!!!!

    Have a good day
    Luv & hugs
    Lynn

    At the dawn of each day, let us make our hopes and promises as sincere and powerful as possible

  17. #89

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    Hey Lynn,

    How you feeling today? I take it it's not a public holiday in Sydney today? It is Labour Day here in Melbourne but fortunately the shops are open.

    DH woke up this morning, had a shower and all that other good stuff but I didnt want to get up so went back to sleep. He came in a bit later and said Kenny (1 of our birds) was on the bottom of the cage and didnt look good, so I got up, he picked Kenny up and she (yes Kenny was a girl) was still alive but within a few mins died Poor little thing, now I feel really bad cause as I was chatting to you last night I was looking at her and she was doing this weird thing with her neck and I just watched her thinking what a freak she was. She was a strange bird, she used to hump the mirror! Anyway now Snowy, her roomie is all alone, so we went and bought him some new toys and a better mirror so hopefully he will think he has company even though its only his reflection. We really dont want to buy another bird because they are just so messy. We also have another bird, Charlie, who we call our special needs bird. He has arthritis in his feet and cant really stand on the perches properly and pretty much just sits there all the time, occasionally he chirps away to music but he is very antisocial so we cant put Snowy and him together. So we feel sad for Snowy and have brought him in the front room where we watch TV so we can keep him company but then didnt want Charlie to be left alone so he came in as well so now we are sitting here watching TV surrounded by birds chirping away. So that is our day!

    I am working 9-1 on Wed and possibly Fri but other than that am off this week. Am meant to be going to the movies with a friend tomorrow so at least it will get me out of the house and keep my mind occupied.

    By the way, to anyone who wants to see Notes On A Scandal - I wouldnt! We saw it Sat and it was pretty boring, and kind of creepy... Judy Dench has a thing for Kate Blanchett and somehow its just wrong.

    Mel

  18. #90

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    Oh Mel, I am so sorry to hear about Kenny. Don't feel bad about calling her a freak last night, you weren't to know. If only animals could tell us what was wrong. That is so cute that you now have both birds with you watching tv. I used to have a budgie called Joey. He was so cool and could talk but he liked to hump the mirror too!!!

    What are you seeing at the movies tomorrow? I got some movie tickets for my birthday but I just don't know what to see. Have you seen Dreamgirls? I would like to see that but I don't think DH does. I wonder if it is a girly movie?

    How are you feeling today?

    No we don't have a public holiday today. Well I bit the bullet and went into work. It was much harder than I thought. Everytime I saw a different person, I just cried. I guess I always thought that next time I went back in there it would be to show off Cooper. They are such wonderful people and I sat there crying with some of them. One guy told me how he lost a baby at 16 weeks and he knows how devastated he and his wife were so he couldn't even imagine what DH and I have been through. He told me that I will always be apart of the family and am welcome to come back and work, or just come back and have a coffee whenever I wanted to.

    My mum just called too. She is away at the moment. She asked how I was and I just burst into tears. I was trying not to cry because I don't want her jumping on the first plane home! I just told her about work and how it was much harder than I thought. She said that because they are just relaxing and she has time on her hands she is finding that all she is doing is thinking of me and Cooper and she is finding it really hard. We then had a cry together After all the crying that I have been doing, I just didn't think there would be any more tears, but they just keep coming!

    Hope you are ok - thinking of you and sending you a big

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