Hi Everybody,

Jo - OMG how awful for your brother, thank god he was just a couple of seconds behind. That must be an awful image for him to have and I hope he can get some help from somewhere to debrief. How is your DH going btw?

Nat - Glad you had a nice day with the girls, and that party sounds awesome! Vanilla takes the prize over everyone though huh... does anyone remember his hair cut? LOL! Have fun at the gym tomorrow, DH and I are buying a treadmill to try and shift some of the lard that seems to have magically appeared on my a*** and thighs lately, cant wait

Spring - You dont need to apologise for being quiet, we all understand how hard this journey is. I have been thinking of you lately and wondering how you are. I can imagine as time is getting closer the fears and anxieties heighten. I just cant wait until you have lil Spring in your arms while s/he screams those little lungs out, you will get there - it just probably feels impossible to you sometimes. And after what we have all been through I can imagine how those kicks can just drive you crazy with worry. Big for you, I have been thinking of you.

Lynn - Hope you had a good day with the girls too. Congrats on the decision to go back to work, its a big one. It might be just what you need to keep your mind from going crazy on this looooooooong pregnancy train. The work conditions sound fantastic, and all you can do is give it a go and as you said if the time isnt right try again later. When do you start back? How is little Hope doing anyway? You have a scan tomorrow dont you? I will be thinking of you tomorrow and I just know everything is gonna be great. But all the same I will keep everything crossed :hugs:

Deb - Good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking of you and little Col

Klee - OMG you will be back soon! Hope you had a nice flight and welcome back to the land of oz.

Georgie - How you feeling? I know how important it is to have those special things around you to remind us of our angels, I will keep an eye out for you and if I see anything like what you described I will let you know where from. I hope your weekend has been ok.

Aunty M - Hope your family trip went well. I see your point about the too-hard-basket being like a safe-haven but man it p***es me off!

Bailey - Thanks heaps for the MSN chat, you listened to all my crap - you must be a glutton for punishment, but I really appreciate it

Well today was pretty tough one... The nursery has finally gone I must admit I didnt do it, I just couldnt so DH (gee I love him so much) did it all by himself while I updated some piccies on Nicholas' website and cried my little heart out, and occasionally went in to see how he was going and cried even more! I dont really understand why I found it so hard, its been almost 10 months and you would think I know he is gone. And I do. But I guess just seeing the cot and change table laying on the floor in pieces and all the things put away and things taken off the wall - it was just so final. He really isnt coming home!!!! Anyway its done now.

And on top of that... AF is officially trying to mess with my head! She was due Friday and didnt show, did a HPT that morning and got BFN. Saturday she didnt show, resisted the urge to test. Sunday didnt show, did HPT this morning and got BFN. So even though I hadnt really tried this month and wasnt stressed about it, the hope creeps in with maybe I am... until about an hour or so ago and who should come to visit!!!!! Oh well, I wont lie - I guess I am a little disappointed but nothing too dramatic and I am not stressed or teary (think I am all cried out today anyway). We have a plan so I will go have my lap on Thursday and hopefully I will have some answers then which will help us proceed to the next step.

Anyway, hi to everyone else. Hope you are all really well.

Love Mel