Hi everyone
Mel - Thanks so much for your support tonight...some days are just so hard and so, so confusing. Your email was beautiful and I really appreciate your thoughts
Spring - Sorry to hear your working so hard. I'm so pleased to see your ticker flying along!! I know it can't be easy but you're doing a great job!
Jo - Hi Jo - Mel has reminded me that you lost your precious girl at about the same time (18 weeks) as I did - and I see your doctors are giving you the same sort of run around as me. It stinks doesn't it. I'm sorry I'm not up to date but I wondered if you got any answers about your darling girl. I'm hunting for answers at the moment and hoping to TTC soon - I'm really scared but DH is even worse. Physically we've been told it's fine to try again but emotionally is a very different story - We lost our son on 25 April - and it seems to be getting harder and harder to accept.
Hi to everyone else! I know I'm being a bit needy tonight... I just thought that time would take some of the sting out of our loss - but its not. everyone (our family and friends) has moved on but I can't...I still want that little man back in my tummy so badly. and it's so hard to believe that he's gone ....I know it must sound like "Georgie with the late mail" but if anyone has any tips on acceptance I think I really need them. I've hunted high and low for something physical to have in our home to remember him with - a statue/picture/anything but I haven't found the right thing yet. Mainly because the things I love are the statues of dad/mum & baby - but my DD and DS say "Don't get that one because we're not in it - he was our baby too" which is so true. But I'm starting to feel upset that all the little pressies we were given once we made it to 12weeks are all hidden in a drawer - like our son never really existed. He couldn't be more alive in my heart! Such a confusing time. Well enough sad sack from me - and sincere apologies to those that didn't need a downer msg - Georgie
lynn-good luck on monday for the scan. ikwym about the hospital being a scary place. i went into mine last week to drop something off for my brother, and was in tears before i knew it. hugs.
jo- what a piece of work your doc is -- too busy for his own good. hopefully you can find someone more responsive?
mel- hope you feel better soon. i never used to be cold until i was pregnant with Yeti. now i'm cold even though it is summer here (although the mountains are always colder than one would like in the summer).
mel & jo - the "too hard" box is a good way to put it. i'm so in that box for many of my friends. mostly that box is okay, so i don't have to put so much energy out for folks, as long as i can hang onto some of the good friends.
i'm off to visit family this weekend in nebraska -- long trip, but it'll be good to hang for a bit with my big family who talk so much they won't notice if i don't. hugs, m
hello to everyone, I'll be back later as DS (terrible teen) is home sick & I hate to say it but he is so becoming a typical male when sick! Could be a long day! LOL!
Auntie M - Lol, it sounds so weird to have someone in the group say they off to Nebraska for the weekend. It just sounds really exotic, we usually say "Just going up the coast for the weekend etc" Lol. Have a great time.
Gks - I am sorry you are having such a cr@ppy time. I really don't have any advice or tips for you, I am abit useless in that way, but I guess the main thing is to try not to worry about other people getting on with things, the main thing is that you take whatever time you need to deal with it all in whichever way you need. I understand the frustration of wanting to find that perfect symbol of your baby, I did the same thing at christmas time. I was completely obsessed with finding an angel for the Tree for Asha, and it turned into a bit of a desperate search. I did finally find something, but I remember the stress of it. I hope you are feeling a little better today.
Spring - Yes you have been a little quiet in here, but I am sure that you will make up for it on sunday Stop working so hard girlfriend!!
Mel - Did you resist the urge?
Lynn - Aren't you a lucky luncher this week? Lunch with us on sunday and then with Phil on Monday Thanks for the advice on the doppler-fear. It is just such a scary thought. Usually they do the doppler right at the end of the visit, but I might just ask for it at the beginning, so I can get it over and done with. I think maybe, the idiot that used it just couldn't do it and I have to faith that the doctors I will see this time can. I guess you will have that gasp of air everytime they turn on the ultrasound too. I don't think I will even be able to look at it. I might not look and just get the still shots.
Hello to everyone else too, I hope everyone is good!
Spring - I'm so glad to hear that you are ok. I was starting to get worried because you hadn't posted much and normally you are here all the time! I guess you have DH at home now so I can understand you not spending as much time here. I was going to call but thought I would give you space so I sent the text. Thanks for letting me know that you are ok. I worry about you girls! I will call you tonight to talk about Sunday.
Mel - this is the type of month that might be your month, you weren't stressed, you weren't really trying. Remember how I fell with Cooper? Well this could be your month. Please don't give up yet. And if that wicked witch shows up at your place, let me know because I will come down there and kick her ar@e. I hope you are feeling better today. How good is a sleep in for half of the day! I have to admit I have had a few of those.
Jo - I really do hope you can get some answers soon. I hope it isn't too painful for your DH. Hey and remember you can talk as much as you want here.
Georgie - so good to see you back here I'm sorry you have been having a hard time lately. The only thing that I can suggest is talking to us about how you are feeling. I made the mistake once of bottling things up and not talking here for a few days and it was horrible. I felt so alone. I eventually spoke about how I was feeling and the girls here were wonderful in making me feel normal and just being here for me. Unfortuntely this roller-coaster that we are on has many ups and downs and the downs are very difficult to deal with at times. I hope that Mel's ob can help you on the TTC journey. It was really hard for me when I felt that people were moving on. I think that is why coming in here for me is so important because no-one here has forgotten my Cooper. The only way I have dealt with it is by surrounding myself with people that support me and continue to talk about Cooper. I have some very close friends that don't talk about Cooper and don't really contact me anymore. I guess I am just 'too hard'. Your son is so alive in your heart and dreams, so just talk about him. Maybe people don't talk about him because they think they might upset you. I talk about Cooper to everyone and let them know that I am happy to talk about him. Stay strong
Auntie M - thanks for letting me know about your trip to the hospital. I think there will be tears when I get there on Monday. Wow a trip to Nebraska! How exciting! Like Bailey said we just go 'up the coast'. Enjoy your weekend. I love the way you spoke about your box. It made me realise that I too am happy in my box. If anyone wants to join me then fine, but otherwise this is who I am now.
Bailey - I know I am a busy busy bee. This morning I got up early and went and had breakfast with some people that I used to work with. It was good to catch up. Tomorrow I have lunch for a friends birthday and then lunch with you chicks on Sunday. Then lunch with Phill Kearns. My god I will be the size of a truck by Tuesday!!!! When I go for my scan on Monday they might not be able to see the baby through all the food I can tell you now, I won't be looking at the screen until they tell me everything is fine.
Well just a bit of news on me............I have decided that I am going back to work. I will just be working part time. I just felt like I needed something. On the TTC journey it was hard planning each day because I didn't know when I would be having a bt or u/s but now I know when I am seeing my ob and when I am having scans. I can only clean the same cupboard so many times!!!! Work has been really good and have said that if there is a day where I just don't feel I can go in then I don't have to and if I work for a few days and decide that the time isn't right, I can leave and start again later. It is just what I need. I will also be a floater so I won't be letting anyone down if I don't go in and it won't be stressful so I can still have 'Lynn crazy time'! So I won't be stalking BB as much! Phew you all sigh!!!
I feel really bat at the moment, didn't know where else to post so I hope you don't mind! I just feel I can let this out here with you girls!
This morning my brother got in his truck at 6am to go to work, he only got 6kms from home when he came round a bend to a tragic site, another truck had run off the road and struck a tree, bursting into flames, as my brother pulled to a stop the poor truckie climbed out of his burning truck & ran onto the road where he dropped to the ground & died (sorry TMI)
My bro & another truckie that also witnessed this rang 000, it took them 20 minutes and 3 attempts to get help!
I feel for the truck drivers family & wish I could let them know that If my brother could have done something to save their father/brother/son, he would have without hesitation!
I can't help but think that this could have so easily have been my brother, I wish he would stop driving trucks!
I am so sorry for posting this here it has just shaken me very badly, sorry!!!
Your poor brother, what a terrible sight to see. I can understand why he is upset and why you are shaken by it. It would have been a very graphic thing to see, especially if it took so long for help to get there. I agree with Lynn, he may need to debrief about it with a professional to make sure he processes it. Big :hugs: to you and your bro. I hope that your DH is getting some more professional treatment. He deserves to be listened too. Who cares if the Dr is your family Dr, I'd be getting a second opinion from someone who cares a bit.
Bailey: How's that m/s treating you? Are you starting to feel a bit better. I really hope so. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.
Lynn: I think that going back to work sounds like a great idea, especially if your work is understanding and if there are days when it is all too much then don't go. I think that it will help these long weeks pass that little bit quicker.
Mel: How are you feeling hon, I see you ticker but I am just going to wait and cross absolutely everything until you post. I am sorry for being so slack about the call this week. I can't even explain how busy I have been and I know it is no excuse but I promise that I will make time to call next week.
AuntieM: Nebraska, that sounds awesome, I hope you have a wonderful time. I can't wait to hear all about it when you post again.
Georgie: It is darn hard isn't it and I can really sympathsise with what you are going through. There are times when it feels like everyone has forgotten and moved on but this path has no timeframe and you just have to take the days as they come. Just know that you are not alone, most of us have been through the same phase where we fell angry/sad/bitter because it seems the world keeps turning but our world is standing still. Big :hugs:
Well sorry to have been so quiet. I have been super busy, I have a head cold and I have just been in a fowl mood of late. I don't know if it is hormones, exhaustion or just that I am going through an angry phase at the moment. I seem to have such a short fuse but I am trying to relax. By boss said to me the other day 'you look like you are about to blow a valve' and that is exactly how I feel.
Bub has been a bit quiet over the last few days. Still moving constantly but a bit quiet nevertheless. A normal pregnant woman wouldn't even notice but crazy lady here is obsessed as we all know.
Anyway, Dh made me breakfast in bed this morning and has just finished cleaning the house and vacuming. I am so lucky to have such a terrific man and one that can put up with my moods.
Jo- Your poor brother, to have to be witness to something like that is very hard, I hope he is dealing with it all ok. :hugs:
With your DH I would be asking, now to have some further testing done, its very easy to a sperm test which checks for quantity and quality! this would be my firts resort. If there was a problem they can take the sperm direct from the testies and and do an IVF/iccis treament, which is quiet a big thing for alot of men. Sometimes we need to be rather direct and tell our Drs what WE need!
Bailey, Lynn, Spring and Tommysmum - thank you for the enlightment on the very ....well somewhat distasteful subject of "lotus birthing" I googled it and boy I feel very sorry for baby Ben.......I think I will leave it at that!!!!!! My personal opinion is if you want to do something so much more useful with IT, maybe donate the cord blood so it may save someone else!
I would like to thank you all for a wonderful marathon lunch, with DH in the condition he is in beening out was a good option, only problem comming home to hungary jacks wrapers and mess!!!!! Spring, thanks for the belly rub!I just wish we could all be there.
Mel - How you going today? Im thinking of you and hoping that a +++ will be heading your way any time now. I hope Vic weather picks up soon, and as for the snow, it a differant type of cold. I have loved the comments on crimmped hair and Vanilla Ice, right up my alley, you would have loved the party last night they even played older stuff with video clips of Sherbet, Chisels and choir boys!!! Now I know im getting old!
Deb - Thinking of you for tomorrow, I know all will be good and Cols going to give you another big wave. Your in the best of hands and I just know that Cols comming home with you.
Aunty M - Hope your having a great weekend. Its great to sometimes be able to sit back and watch it all go down in a big family! Hear all about it soon.
Georgia - Hope your doing ok, it hard to see "Life go on" but as spring said your not alone in here.
Tess - We will try to arrange to come down to you next time! look forward to meeting you.
Well as I said above, we had a lovely lunch, where WE ALL ate heaps including me so thanks girls I will be at the gym first thing tomorrow! but it was great to catch up, I think Im so lucky to have wonderful women who know how Ifeel and can truly understand where Im at. We are very blessed.
My mum is comming down to stay for a week so Im putting DS to bed before she gets here, I will try to get back and see whos on.
Jo - OMG how awful for your brother, thank god he was just a couple of seconds behind. That must be an awful image for him to have and I hope he can get some help from somewhere to debrief. How is your DH going btw?
Nat - Glad you had a nice day with the girls, and that party sounds awesome! Vanilla takes the prize over everyone though huh... does anyone remember his hair cut? LOL! Have fun at the gym tomorrow, DH and I are buying a treadmill to try and shift some of the lard that seems to have magically appeared on my a*** and thighs lately, cant wait
Spring - You dont need to apologise for being quiet, we all understand how hard this journey is. I have been thinking of you lately and wondering how you are. I can imagine as time is getting closer the fears and anxieties heighten. I just cant wait until you have lil Spring in your arms while s/he screams those little lungs out, you will get there - it just probably feels impossible to you sometimes. And after what we have all been through I can imagine how those kicks can just drive you crazy with worry. Big for you, I have been thinking of you.
Lynn - Hope you had a good day with the girls too. Congrats on the decision to go back to work, its a big one. It might be just what you need to keep your mind from going crazy on this looooooooong pregnancy train. The work conditions sound fantastic, and all you can do is give it a go and as you said if the time isnt right try again later. When do you start back? How is little Hope doing anyway? You have a scan tomorrow dont you? I will be thinking of you tomorrow and I just know everything is gonna be great. But all the same I will keep everything crossed :hugs:
Deb - Good luck tomorrow, I will be thinking of you and little Col
Klee - OMG you will be back soon! Hope you had a nice flight and welcome back to the land of oz.
Georgie - How you feeling? I know how important it is to have those special things around you to remind us of our angels, I will keep an eye out for you and if I see anything like what you described I will let you know where from. I hope your weekend has been ok.
Aunty M - Hope your family trip went well. I see your point about the too-hard-basket being like a safe-haven but man it p***es me off!
Bailey - Thanks heaps for the MSN chat, you listened to all my crap - you must be a glutton for punishment, but I really appreciate it
Well today was pretty tough one... The nursery has finally gone I must admit I didnt do it, I just couldnt so DH (gee I love him so much) did it all by himself while I updated some piccies on Nicholas' website and cried my little heart out, and occasionally went in to see how he was going and cried even more! I dont really understand why I found it so hard, its been almost 10 months and you would think I know he is gone. And I do. But I guess just seeing the cot and change table laying on the floor in pieces and all the things put away and things taken off the wall - it was just so final. He really isnt coming home!!!! Anyway its done now.
And on top of that... AF is officially trying to mess with my head! She was due Friday and didnt show, did a HPT that morning and got BFN. Saturday she didnt show, resisted the urge to test. Sunday didnt show, did HPT this morning and got BFN. So even though I hadnt really tried this month and wasnt stressed about it, the hope creeps in with maybe I am... until about an hour or so ago and who should come to visit!!!!! Oh well, I wont lie - I guess I am a little disappointed but nothing too dramatic and I am not stressed or teary (think I am all cried out today anyway). We have a plan so I will go have my lap on Thursday and hopefully I will have some answers then which will help us proceed to the next step.
Anyway, hi to everyone else. Hope you are all really well.
Mel - sorry to hear that AF came, what a cow! seems our AF's must have swapped, yours being day and a half late, mine being day and a half early. sorry just trying to bring a smile.
back from the trip, we had a great time, will have to have a good catch up on whats been happening, but just wanted to say hi. going to have a bit of a vent actually, wow so not like me.
on the plane home last night there were a few ladies with babies and kids, I watched them, each acknowledged each other with that ceremonious nod and smile, knowing that each knew what each was going through because they were a "mum". I so wanted them to look at me and give that acknowledgement to me, but not one even looked at me. I know they don't know my situation but it was just something i longed for, I am a "mum" too they just can't see it.
As for my trip, it was wonderful spending it with my sister and her girls, although they now have dubbed me "aunty cranky pants" lol, I might just have to start wearing a skirt to get around it.
my sister has 3 girls and I was in envy she knew exactly what to say to each of them and how to handle them, it made me think and i am still thinking it, i don't know what kind of mum I would have been, not sure i would have known what to do etc.
sorry ladies its been a long two weeks
Im so sorry you had such a tough day.As far as AF she can just P%#@ right off as this will be the last time she will be here! Nicholas is still with you forever but it must be so very hard to have to put that full stop in place, im sending you great big hugs and hope that the reason for AF is so you can get your lap done and everything sorted and then that baby then came home to you. You have evey right to be disappointed my god be p#@!$ at it, I am I will be kicking her to never land for you.
As far as Vanilla, hair colour.......? I just remeber those poo catchers he use to wear!I have another flash back what about Black Box?
Sorry Klee I didnt see you till after I posted, Im glad you had a good holiday. Your so right you are a mum and you will get that earth baby soon.
As for knowing what to say to you kids, you just bluff your way through and hope to god that they belive what you are saying and what your saying will have a positive affect on them. There is no instruction book on how to raise them you are just as much in the dark once they are out in the world as to the control you have over them in the womb! You just go with it and you to will be a wonderful mum and know just "what to say" .
Mel: What a tough stinkin day, I hope you are ok hun and for the B@tch to show up at the end, what a cow!!!! Just know that taking down the nursery doesn't mean that Nicholas isn't as close to you as he has always been. You could move house, move states or move across the world and Nicholas would always be with you. Big :hugs:
Klee: Welcome back hun, we missed you. I know what you mean about that smile, it is like a club that I just want to be a part of but seem to have to pay the most expensive membership fee. Don't worry, very soon you too will be giving those knowing smiles.
Deb/Michelle: I don't mean to stalk you but I have been thinking about you all day. Big postive vibes are still coming at ya.
Lynn: How was today going back to the SAN? I hope they treated you gently. Today was a massive step and you should be proud. Oh and I hope that lunch with Phil Kearns was nice.
Dream: you can have all the belly rubs you like. I can't wait to be rubbing yours right back. It was so nice seeing you all again. Now don't get me wrong, I will always be a Queenslander, but knowing that I have met such wonderful women in Sydney makes me feel so much more at home.
Well I am going to hang around until Deb or Michelle posts. DH is working late tonight. Being home like a normal at the normal hours lasted all of a week
Klee - Welcome back LOL @ swapping AF cycles, although they still keep lurking around each other... next month will be ours Thats hard about the plane, you know your a mummy, we know your a mummy but to everyone else you are a stranger and you just wanna jump up and tell them... but then you run the risk of security being called and being thrown off the plane like some terrorist LOL. Hope your 1st day back at work went ok - man that sucks, they could have given you a day at least!
Spring - How rude of DH!!! LOL. Thanks, I know you are right - but you know how it is, it just makes it all so final! I have been wondering about Deb too.
Deb - Been thinking of you today and everything is ok. When you can let us know how you got on.
Lynn -
Nat - @ the poo catchers! Dont you remember Vanilla Ice's hair? No need for words... check this out, he is hilarious (you might even spot a pair of poo catchers if you look hard LOL: http://www.starpulse.com/Music/Vanilla_Ice/Pictures/
Caro - Thank you very much
Hi to everyone else.
Well I am off to rest up... I have waited all this time for my lap and to finally get some answers and a plan and wouldnt you know it, today I have started to get sick - I have a bad headache behing my eyes, achy shoulders, neck and back and the glands in my neck are swollen. If I am not well on Thursday I dont think they will give me a general anaesthetic which means I wont be able to have the procedure! So I am probably going to take tomorrow and Wednesday off work (I was a good girl and told them) so I can rest up and try to get myself back on track by then.
So off to eat a huge plate of veggies (when they are cooked) and have an early night.
Mel - To the extreme I rock a mike like a vandal, light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle. A ha ha, we had the album 'To the Extreme' I think my brother still listens to it. Remember the hair?? My god, I remember the eyebrows, he had 'gills' shaved into them.
Nat - The party music sounds good, I grew up on Cold Chisel, The Angels etc and still love them now, I would have been right in there. Lunch was great, good choice!
Lynn - Big day for you today? How was Phil? How cute is Hope?
Deb - Did you have your scan today? Hoping it all went well.
Spring - Are you still full from yesterday? Lol, I am, my god, I was all dizzy when I was talking to you guys at the end there.
Tommysmum - Thanks for the ride...again. I don't think that I will go on wednesday, I am not sure I can do it, but I will let you know on wednesday.
Klee - Welcome back. it is nice to have a break isn't it?
Jlk - I hope your brother is ok. My brother witnessed a bad car accident where the driver of a van lost his legs and we are pretty sure he lost his life too, and I remember how much it upset him. It is horrible isn't it.
Hello to everyone else too!!
Well lunch yesterday was great again, though Tommysmum should come with a censor. Lol, no we probably all do, but she just seems louder when she's x-rated, lol. but it was great to catch up with everyone and see those expanding belly's. Though, there is too much peer pressure for desert. Yum! Morning sickness is still here for me, but not all day like it was last week, so I guess that is good. Starting to get nervous about my first hospital appointment and the doppler thing, as there is only 2 weeks to go. ANd only 3 weeks till my NT scan, which will be my first look at *Faith* as Aunty Mel has called her/him.
Last edited by bailey99; June 25th, 2007 at 08:04 PM.
and it's so hard to believe that he's gone ....I know it must sound like "Georgie with the late mail" but if anyone has any tips on acceptance I think I really need them. I've hunted high and low for something physical to have in our home to remember him with - a statue/picture/anything but I haven't found the right thing yet. Mainly because the things I love are the statues of dad/mum & baby - but my DD and DS say "Don't get that one because we're not in it - he was our baby too" which is so true. But I'm starting to feel upset that all the little pressies we were given once we made it to 12weeks are all hidden in a drawer - like our son never really existed. He couldn't be more alive in my heart! Such a confusing time. Well enough sad sack from me - and sincere apologies to those that didn't need a downer msg - Georgie
Stop working so hard girlfriend!!
Thanks for the advice on the doppler-fear. It is just such a scary thought. Usually they do the doppler right at the end of the visit, but I might just ask for it at the beginning, so I can get it over and done with. I think maybe, the idiot that used it just couldn't do it and I have to faith that the doctors I will see this time can. I guess you will have that gasp of air everytime they turn on the ultrasound too. I don't think I will even be able to look at it. I might not look and just get the still shots.
I guess you have DH at home now so I can understand you not spending as much time here. I was going to call but thought I would give you space so I sent the text. Thanks for letting me know that you are ok. I worry about you girls! 
I will call you tonight to talk about Sunday.
I can tell you now, I won't be looking at the screen until they tell me everything is fine. 
(sorry TMI)
So I'm just gonna have to guess or BD all weekend!
Spring, thanks for the belly rub!I just wish we could all be there.
LOL @ swapping AF cycles, although they still keep lurking around each other... next month will be ours 
Thats hard about the plane, you know your a mummy, we know your a mummy but to everyone else you are a stranger and you just wanna jump up and tell them... but then you run the risk of security being called and being thrown off the plane like some terrorist LOL. Hope your 1st day back at work went ok - man that sucks, they could have given you a day at least!
everything is ok. When you can let us know how you got on.
@ the poo catchers! Dont you remember Vanilla Ice's hair? No need for words... check this out, he is hilarious (you might even spot a pair of poo catchers if you look hard LOL: 
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