How do I tell her? - long but I need help!

[luna moth]

Oh dear... Hasn't anyone told her that uptight brides are the ones who *always* get bad weather? The only rainy weddings I've ever been to have been for people who obsessed about the colour coordination of ribbons on candles exactly matching the Father of the Bride's bow tie. lol.

Stick to your guns, especially about the money. I had my dole-receiving sister as my bridesmaid, so did it on the cheap for her, and our flowergirl's mum insisted on paying for hair for all of us. Sounds liek you're not in such a rosy situation though.

You could probably flog the dress and shoes on ebay and make back some of your costs.

And ditto LS about the holiday comments - none of her sodding business!

Good luck!

[Just Me]

Just a thought - I don't know much about your family or family situations so I could be very wrong . . .

Your mum might want to help you out with the money for the bridesmaid stuff to try and keep the peace a bit and keep relationships between everyone happy. She might not mind forking out the extra $$$ because keeping the peace may be more important to her.

It doesn't mean that your SIL expecting you to hand over that much money is reasonable and I agree with the others - what you and your family do for holidays is absolutely none of her business.

I guess what I am getting at is maybe you should have a chat to your mum about how she is feeling too. I agree that she shouldn't have to, but maybe she really wants to . . . I am speaking from experience of parents that are like this . . . they would rather fork out enormous amounts of cash to keep the peace than have us all upset with each other. I very much think on the principle of the matter and I am not happy if something doesn't seem right and fair, but I also think that my parents don't want to be in the middle of anything and respect them and their need for us all to get along.

I don't know if that helps much, but thought I would throw it out there. Good luck with everything and I hope that it all comes to a harmonious solution

[Mum2SweetCs]

Hi Heather,

I would be spewing if I had to fork out that much for being someone's bridesmaid. My two bridesmaid at my wedding didnt pay a cent and I gave them a gift after too. What i see it is that they were doing me a favour, so I wouldnt be expecting them to fork out for anything.

However, I wasnt that strict that they had to wear the same shoes! I bought them the dress which they both picked together, makeup, hair and flowers.

They bought their own accessories and shoes? I really dont understand why all bridesmaids need to wear the same shoes. Surely their beautiful faces is more to look at than their shoes? But hey thats my opinion.

Good luck babe and hope you sort things out soon.

[Doing my best]

Thanks everyone..

I did let her know last night (not verbally, my bro insisted on doing that), and she was 'ok' with it. It is just a relief to me that I am not going to be getting all these messages about how much things are going to cost and the money is needed soon..

Townsvillegirl - Mum had offered to help out, but their finances aren't the best at moment, and they will also be paying the same as us to go, and it was the principle, she has to accept that our family doesn't have that kind of money to throw around (heaven knows how she will get on when she moves out, but that is a whole other thread), but my brother was willing to pay, just not her.

Pheonix, I was starting to worry that I was so out of touch with the bride/bridesmaid thing.. I had 4 bridesmaids, and they paid what they wanted/could afford, and of course, for their help etc, I gave them all a vase as a gft.. The girl who paid $300 only did so cause she bought a pair of shoes for $200 cause she loved them till they died (I requested black and closed in, besides that I didn't care).. They also had the dress made for a style that suited them, they were all different, but same material. I wanted them to be comfortable too.

Anyhow, thanks for the advice, I can know sit back, think about what I am going to wear, know that I can afford to make it, and maybe even afford a decent pressie

[NaeNae]

Oh dear... Hasn't anyone told her that uptight brides are the ones who *always* get bad weather? The only rainy weddings I've ever been to have been for people who obsessed about the colour coordination of ribbons on candles exactly matching the Father of the Bride's bow tie. lol.

Hehehehe glad you didn't come to my wedding. I wasn't uptight but then I so hoped it would be a misty rainy day in the Dandenong Ranges and it was - mind you it was a winter wedding too

Heather - I am so glad things have worked out for you, and that your fsil was understanding. At least now you can relax and concerntrate on other things without feeling pressured.

Nae x

[Violet Star]

There is nothing worse than having expectations placed on you and feeling like you have been when being part of a wedding, been there, done that!

I think communication and clear expectations are important for weddings and being a part of them. It puts so many families and friendships to the test.

And unfortuately, those lovely bridal places takes nearly 4-6 months for some dresses to come in! Must be that travel distance from the one woman boutique they get them made in.

I hope that you find something gorgous for you to wear and that the relationship with your FSIL isnt effected by this little speed bump.

Have you spoken to her about being a part of the wedding in another way instead. maybe doing a reading or something else. To show that it was only about the not being able to afford the cost.