Is this rude ? ... Wedding ... Couple asking for money as a gift !!

[fingerscrossed]

HI Everyone,

I haven't been to a wedding for a while and have never been asked for money as a present.

I think the biggest issue s here not being asked for money but how the happy couple ASK for it. When you are invited as a guest, it should be because the bride and groom want to share the day with you, not because you'll pay them back for the food and drink you consume on the day!

But, as a guest, it is customary to give a gift for good luck for the marriage, usually something you choose, whether from your own choice or from a list of suggested gifts/ registry.

If you make a gentle suggestion such as, "if you would like to give a wedding gift for the bride and groom, we are currently saving towards a honeymoon/ renovation/ whatever, and if you would like to contribute to this dream, there will be wishing well at the wedding reception.', it is so much nicer than 'we have everything we want, just give us money!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

Wishin wells are becoming more and more common to the point where most stationary design places include wishing well cards in the packages.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I've got two "money" weddings coming up.

I'm getting personalised gifts for the couple. Just because they haven't said for what they will use the money. If it was for renovations or moving to a bigger house I'd give money (and have done in the past). But otherwise I find it a bit distasteful. I DON'T want to pay for someone to go on honeymoon - that's not because it's wrong, just my viewpoint.

So what if you already have lived together and have things? DH and I had things - but we didn't have NICE things, like the dinner service, crystal glasses, good cutlery... actually, most of our kitchen things were second-hand so we got some lovely new things that were really cheap for the kitchen. New bed sheets. Tablecloths. We didn't need some things you traditionally buy people but we did need other things. We were bought a freezer, but we already had a fridge (for example).

I would rather give to charity, maybe I'll sponsor something for the couple for a year, that may be better than hand-painted coasters with their names and wedding date on. I don't mind money going to a new house or a BIG project the couple need (we had people give us money and state it was to help us buy a house) but I dunno, the thought of giving money when we've already spent a bomb just travelling to the wedding and the couple using that at the bar... I just don't like it. I'd rather not be upset by that thought and do a charity thing for them instead. Thanks for this thread, I'm glad I can help someone with this now!

[Bloom]

I'm a bit of a stick-in-the-mud when it comes to this. I am not offended if people as for money (though I didn't do it myself nor would I) but I hold that it is the gift givers right to decide what to give in the end. After all receiving a gift is a priveldge not a right.

So if people ask for money but I know something that they would both like and use and dont' have, then I will give them the gift. I think it's nice to have someTHING from ME in particular on the celebration of their marriage. So I don't think it's rude to ask for money but I also don't think it's rude to give a present if asked for money.