I've got two "money" weddings coming up.

I'm getting personalised gifts for the couple. Just because they haven't said for what they will use the money. If it was for renovations or moving to a bigger house I'd give money (and have done in the past). But otherwise I find it a bit distasteful. I DON'T want to pay for someone to go on honeymoon - that's not because it's wrong, just my viewpoint.

So what if you already have lived together and have things? DH and I had things - but we didn't have NICE things, like the dinner service, crystal glasses, good cutlery... actually, most of our kitchen things were second-hand so we got some lovely new things that were really cheap for the kitchen. New bed sheets. Tablecloths. We didn't need some things you traditionally buy people but we did need other things. We were bought a freezer, but we already had a fridge (for example).

I would rather give to charity, maybe I'll sponsor something for the couple for a year, that may be better than hand-painted coasters with their names and wedding date on. I don't mind money going to a new house or a BIG project the couple need (we had people give us money and state it was to help us buy a house) but I dunno, the thought of giving money when we've already spent a bomb just travelling to the wedding and the couple using that at the bar... I just don't like it. I'd rather not be upset by that thought and do a charity thing for them instead. Thanks for this thread, I'm glad I can help someone with this now!