Sg- it was a "just in case" top up while she was learning how to finish a breast. It gets harder to suck towards the end. I don't do that much now, though I do express for the "end of the night" feed still since she's super lazy and tired and grizzly by then. Sounds like your little man will have a nice growth spurt soon, you're right not to sweat it as long as he's hitting milestones. I feel like such a bad mummy (not really), I have no idea what they are and when. I just kind of generally judge by how everyone else's baby is going on here. Does he ever stay on longer than 5 minutes? Is it 5 minutes at a time or is it 5 minutes and then that's it no more boobie? Does he feed often?

Kira- I'd love to meet up/ go to group if you're sure you wouldn't mind driving. Not going to the expo this weekend, we have an Indian wedding on Saturday (Soooooooo excited, good food and good friends and heaps of traditional-style new mums and dancing and bright saris and such goooooood food and henna and did I mention the food?) and a friend coming up from the coast on Sunday... If you'd like to meet somewhere maybe next week and we can each see that the other one is normal and not an ax-wielding maniac then let me know. Maybe tues or wed?? I give Lila tastes of things, too. She really loves sucking on apple wedges. I tried a bit of banana the other day and she liked that, too but I was scared she'd gum off a piece and choke so it didn't last long. I even give her tastes of sauces like pizza and hoisin. I just try to keep the salt to minimum and don't give her anything that will burn her mouth. Dh and I eat a lot of hot chilies. Do you think it goes into my milk?

Janine- Wow that's a lot of info. I like your story about the elephant, that's pretty much exactly why I do what I do with Lila. That said, lately she's been waking around 6am and kind of snuffles/grizzles and I let her and she puts herself back to sleep for a few hours. I kind of feel bad, but I think it works ok. And if she was really upset I'd go to her in a flash. Woohoo on Ci sleeping "through the night," may he continue to do so, and do it actually at night time. hehe. I really really really wish we still lived in tribes or even in nice tight communities. I must say though I have more "community" type support here than I would back home. For example, I'm friends with my neighbors, several of whom have small children and we kind of help each other out. And I'm lucky enough to have some very lovely and hands-on in laws who help out heaps... But still..

Grubi- Sounds like you're having a rough time. My husband gets all sad and needy for attention too, and asks where his wife went. There have been heaps of times when all I wanted to do was collapse into bed and sleep but he's wanted attention so I cuddle him and listen to him and tell him things. He appreciates the effort even if I'm not 100% and he does stuff for me... Like taking Lila for a few hours so I can nap, or making dinners or housework or whatever. So we end up with the opposite of a vicious cycle going. I just hate it when I feel like we don't spend time together... Anyway I only have one kid but that's how we do things and it works. Just keep telling yourself it won't always be this way.

Beatrix- I can't imagine how hard things are for you, you're doing such a good job taking care of your girls and keeping going despite everything else. I hope you get a little help soon.

Nettie- Lila is reaching for things, too. Like daddy's nose. Etc. Its adorable...

I went to visit SIL and her new baby the other day. I'm still shocked. She weighs about 30 grams more than mine did at birth, but she seems so teeny tiny to me. Lila seems MASSIVE and so grown up next to her. I even felt weird holding my niece, like I would break her or something. Hah. It really struck me how much Lila's grown and developed in the past few months. And I felt like such a veteran new mom, if such a thing exists. I guess it just really boosted my confidence over all because I could see exactly how far we've come. I mean, wow, Lila even goes onto the breast with proper attachment and no dramas now.

She's getting to be so sweet and cute and good. Such a good girl. I was so worried I'd lose the plot with a little baby that I didn't want to have, but she's become such a source of happiness for me. I love getting up with her in the morning and having a cuddle, and cleaning her fat, pink little body and talking to her and listening to her little gurgles. I'm really starting to enjoy her, and a mad part of me wants her to always be this little. At the same time I am looking forward to her being big.

I guess it helps that she's generally settled into a good routine... though last week it was disturbed for some unfathomable reason and I thought I would die... up around 7-8am, change and cuddle and big feed. I express the milk she doesn't have for breakfast and make my own breakfast and some coffee. Then she wants another feed, and I shower and put her in the sling. Usually cook and do housework for a few hours and have lunch etc before I take her off for afternoon feed. then she plays with daddy for a little while, sometimes I sling her again for some more chores. Then from about 5pm to 10-11pm she feeds full stop. I've tried consolidating feeds but nothing doing. Its almost solidly feeding during that time and has been for weeks and weeks. Then she goes to sleep til the next morning. I find I can deal with anything as long as I've had enough sleep, if I haven't I am stroppy and angry and upset.

For the rest of it, I just do what I am capable of doing and don't let myself worry about what I can't get to. I have found that if I try to hurry Lila along or do something "on schedule" (feeds, cuddles, changes, anything) she gets upset and I get upset and its no good. I just try to take her as she comes. So my laundry sits out on the line for a night or two, or the dishes sit in the sink overnight or the rubbish bin overflows sometimes... It is getting easier though.