Babies born April 2008 #4

[Nettie]

Grubi - you have us to talk to!! I'm sure no-one will mind if you spill your heart out here. After all, what else is this for??

Liam had his 8w shots yesterday (a week late because the CYH nurse was sick last week) and after an initial cry at the pain, he was fine. Slept normally but didn't seem to eat as much as normal. He's down for a sleep now...

Thanks for the clarification Janine - I figured it was called 'something' parenting! DH & I had no plans for a parenting style, but we seem to be doing this AP and babywearing (against stupid nurses advice!) and he sleeps in a basinette at the end of our bed - so kinda co-sleeping! I see on the news tonight (here in SA anyway) some Dr or someone has come out and said about how dangerous it is to co-sleep with your baby and to have them on a soft mattress... a coroner has made some finding about 5 deaths. Sounds like a cop-out to me! I know my little man is a happy and healthy boy because of how much attention and time we give him. I'm not about to stop what I'm doing because some spinster of a nurse tells me 'oh, you don't want to go starting that!'. Stupid woman! Sorry - she really p*ssed me off!

Nessa - Shame you're not closer hun - I'd visit & help out!

Got to go - he's just woken up!

[alittlegrubi]

Grubi - you have us to talk to!! I'm sure no-one will mind if you spill your heart out here. After all, what else is this for??

Thanks Nettie, but it's not something that I want to share with the cyber universe IYKWIM. Someone might put 2 and 2 together and come up with us, then it's public. I know that it won't last forever and I have an absolutely wonderful DH in how he helps and is with the kids, when he is here. I know that I won't end up having to do it on my own.

This afternoon I went through a bunch of old photos to help me focus on the positives and remind myself why
i love him. I'm smiling, we are email talking - its all good!

[bellelass]

Nettie-- Unless its something that is directly medical related I just don't listen to the Drs or nurses. It seems like there's so much mis-information and half-baked theories out there and they act like if you don't do it that way then you're some kind of Philistine or worse. I think I posted here about my experience with the Dr when I got her 8w shots- making fun of my cloth nappies, telling me her sleeping patterns were all wrong, all kinds of balderdash. You're quite right, as long as your man is happy and healthy you aren't doing anything wrong. Grumble grumble...

Grubi- I kind of worry about that too, like someone might read my posts and know who I am and then I'll catch flak for it. I don't have many friends either, and definitely no friends with babies so I know how it is. If you want to chat or vent you can pm me, maybe email. I know its not much but there it is. I'm nice. I promise. The other day I went through photos from our wedding and it was a real boost, helps to focus on the happiest times.

[Sequoia]

Does he ever stay on longer than 5 minutes? Is it 5 minutes at a time or is it 5 minutes and then that's it no more boobie? Does he feed often?

The weight gain of only 70gms last week was when I started to feed him unwrapped and in the lounge room. I've now reverted to wrapping him again and feeding him in his room where it is darker and quiet. I'm proud to say we are up to around 15 minutes feeding time (both breasts), whereas before it would be 3 minutes either side, and no boobie after that (immense screaming!). I express after his first two feeds of the day (get about 80mls) and give that after his third and fourth feeds of the day.

He feeds at roughly:

7.30am
9.30am
12.00 noon
2.30pm
5.15pm
7.15pm
10.30pm

I don't wake him to feed, he naturally follows this routine. I've tried offering more, but he's just not interested. So hopefully a better gain will be recorded next week. Still keeping my LC appt.

Have you any suggestions at all? Or do you think I'm doing the right thing...

SG
xo

PS - regarding cyber vs real world, I only post things on here that I would say IRL.

[bellelass]

hmmm you know, if he feeds strongly at each breast, like he has a good suck and attachment and knows what he's about then I'd say you're probably doing just the right thing. If he's not hungry, he's not hungry. If he is, then he knows where to get it and how to get it. Right? He'll likely have a day or three of unsettled wanting the boob all the time and then have a grow. Sounds like you're doing the right thing giving him what he needs when he needs it, just hang in there. You're doing well I think. (fwiw)

[Sequoia]

Thanks Steph, I think you are right. Yes, he attaches by himself and sucks strongly for the time that he is on there.

Thanks heaps for your support.

SG
xo

[alittlegrubi]

SG Sounds to me that you are doing everything right. If you are not worried then he is fine. Mums know best they are around bubs more than the professionals/ medical staff offering advice on what should be.

IRL, I don't know how I'd determine if I could have the conversation with someone, but I know that it isn't even something I am comfortable discussing with my one close friend who has 3 kids of her own, despite her having talked to me about the issues she has had with her DH. I don't want to air our dirty laundry outside of our home really. I must admit, I've been making progress with self resolving in the past two days. So I'm feeling much better as I have worked out that it is my blocking and unwillingness to let him in that is the biggest issue. So now to try and do as Fire suggested and actually work on maintaining my marriage, so far I have been focusing on the two kids neglecting myself and isolating DH from the family.

[Beatrix]

SG def doing a great job

Thanks for all your comments girls, I sometimes have no idea how i do it either...

I am flat out atm.. I do my ebay stuff, just started consulting for a cloth nappy company, have full care of all 3 kiddies (cept for the older two one a fortnight)

I wish i could afford a maid... I am seriusly thinking of getting some one in once a week or fortnight to mop/dust/vaum/toilet bathroom etc

[sarah_dobbo2]

So my laundry sits out on the line for a night or two, or the dishes sit in the sink overnight or the rubbish bin overflows sometimes... It is getting easier though.

Belle: I so know what you mean. Things seem to just pile up, and I know no one else in the 5 person house isn't going to do them but me. So if any of them don't like it they can't get off their bum and do it.
*Wyatt only feeds for 5mins and he's done. I must have a fast flow but he's not on long. And it's only one boobie. However he want more 20-30minutes down the track.


Went shopping for ME today. It's funny when you are a mum you seem to buy for everyone else in the household but yorself, so I went and brought mainly tops to wear around house and a few nice ones to wear out. Am sick to death of looking FAT in tops I have. Me still got tubby tummy. It made me feel guilty a bit, that I speant so much on me. But hey I need them, so I know I shouldn't.

Anyway Wyatt sleep his 7hr last night again before he woke up for his boobie. I had prepared myself for bad night. But he was wonderful.

Anyway I better go, we are going out for dinner tonight. So have to go and get the tribe ready.

Cheers
Sarah

[alittlegrubi]

Sarah Don't feel guilty, because if you work it out you spend that much once or twice a year on yourself and in the 12 times you buy for everyone else it adds up to more than that once or twice spend up.

You need to feel good about yourself to ensure that your kids and DH get teh best out of you too. If you feel crap then you aren't likely to want to give of yourself either.

BTW, I still ahve my tubby tummy too!

[Sharon19270]

It feels like I haven't been on here for ages, so much to catch up on, I just can't do it.

Oliver had his needles today, and he had real tears, made me want to cry, but he was very good, and was his normal chatty self this afternoon.

As for me I can just feel myself sinking lower, my BF has told me that if my mood/feelings don't improve by next week she is dragging me off to the Dr's, my first thought was that I was then just going to pretend that I was happy, and everything was OK but I have this feeling that she will be able to see through me. I find myself crying for no particular reason nearly every day, the only food I can bring myself to eat is 'crap' except when DH cooks me dinner. I am also extremely peed off with my brother as I found out the other day that he has told his eldest son (17 year old) some very private information that if it got back to my eldest DS the $hit would hit the fan, you may be able to guess what that info is, but i'm not going to mention it JIC he or his GF come on this site to 'spy' on me (not that I think he would though), so I now have to have a 'chat' with my 19 y/o DS about something that I wanted to wait a little longer to do as I just don't feel like I can handle anything to go wrong emotionally in my life ATM. ARGH! this $hit is doing my head in! sometimes I think it would be nice to go to sleep and not wake up!

[sarah_dobbo2]

Sharon: I DONT know what you are going through but all I and anyone else can say if hang in there. You have Jordan and chubby little Oliver to play with... As much as I hate getting out of bed in the morning, who else is going to take care of the children. Dad's can do it but now where near as good or well as us mother's can do it.

I hope you are feeling emoitional better soon.

Sarah

[Sharon19270]

Thanks sarah, I was being a little bit over dramatic with my statement about not waking up, as I would NEVER really want that to happen, not in a million years because I know how much my DH and my boys would miss their mum, and all kids need their mums.

[Fire]

Sharon, be gentle on yourself. I had PND after my first child. I researched the pants off it, as you can imagine. They can't find anything wrong with the brain chemistry of a woman with PND, and many self-respecting psychologists therefore don't agree medication is appropriate... since medication alters brain chemistry.

Not that you have it, but I'm sure it's gone through your mind so I wanted to mention that.

They can only guess the causes, but a little logic can be very telling. Apply some logic to this: When women in certain other cultures that never suffer PND move to America or another industrialised society, their incidence of PND skyrockets. When we study their life in their native country, we find one outstanding difference - support. A female community. They all live daily life in the emotional embrace of other women also raising children. It is very nourishing.

It can be hormonal but mostly, it is emotional. We have very good reason to feel down when we have children under the circumstances we have them today. For all our progress, we've isolated ourselves. "Clinical Depression" is feeling down for no reason. However, we ALL have reason, as our biology is fighting our reality. So it isn't depression, it is a natural reaction to a situation beyond our control.

We often can't replicate the community factor, but we DO need to acknowledge our need for women at this time in our lives, our need for support and community, so we don't feel we are doing it all alone. It is hard to give up our lives and completely dedicate it to other people, and this can all hit us with a first child or the tenth, there aren't rules. Aside from joining a commune is there anything you can do in your life to remedy this? Even if it doesn't feel like it, it just feels like "emptiness" or what is often described as a doomy black pit in the soul, trust me, it is amazing what this action can remedy. I got together with the only other friend I had with a child and we did things together. Play groups are not the same, they are once a week with people you hardly know. catching up with a friend now and again isn't gonna do it either. Form a solid bond with another mother and spend quantity time with her doing boring daily activities. I also went to a retreat and tapped into my joy again but that's another story, a long one.

I say that because meds are the only thing a medic will offer you if you see one and say you feel low after childbirth. I didn't take meds, and I came around after a few personal experiences that changed things for me. The other thing is I had naturopathy on my side, as I had studied it. I was able to formulate a hormone herbal and I started supplementing also.

I HIGHLY recommend zinc . I had posted about it before but maybe it was in the pregnancy threads way back. Research has shown zinc deficiency causes uncontrollable crying in babies and mothers. Zinc is leached from the body and dumped into the placenta towards the end of pregnancy. The way we birth these days means the full blood transfusion is not given to the baby as the cord is clamped instead of waiting for it to stop pulsing. All that zinc is taken from the mother, and then not even given to the baby. Most mammals take a big bite of placenta or eat it all except us, so we miss out on all those hormones and nutrients. We start motherhood totally deficient. I can give you a list of herbs to have made as a herbal tincture by a health food shop near you. Or you can gently start by supplementing with liquid zinc (powdered and made into liquid is fine) and taking things like raspberry leaf and nettle tea again.

Gotta fly at the mo...

[sarah_dobbo2]

Sharon: I ment it in the way all you want to do is lye in bed all day and watch TV. Have a ME day instead of an everyone else day.

Oh, and this is the place to be over dramatic some times. It just make us all feel better if we over react sometimes.

Cheers

[Zennie]

hay girls, what are you using to wash your bubs and bubs stuff. Russell skin is getting really dry and peeling and i think its reacting to the washing powder as he getting a slight raised rash around the cuffs of his clothes on his arms and back. was using curash baby soap every 2nd bath.

[mgm]

zennie i use nothing at all - just water. and i don't even bath dd every night, because sometimes she's asleep when ds has his bath and then she misses out. if your baby's a bit prone to eczema or peeling skin, why don't you try not using soap and reducing bathing (you could 'top and tail' him with a cloth every second day). and maybe change washing powders too and see if that helps. there are also all sorts of soap-free body washes you can buy, like the QV range or various plant-based ones.

sharon and good luck for your talk with ds. maybe you should try some counselling, it might really help you get on top of things emotionally. in the meantime be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.

sarah i hope you're enjoying your new clothes. i can't wait to go out and get my hair cut and get something new to wear - i know it will give me a boost. i'm kind of hoping to get rid of some tummy first, because like you and grubi i still have a way to go! if only i had the time to get to gym...

beatrix i'd love a maid too. i sometimes tell dh he should get a second wife, one who loves to clean and enjoys looking after children!

i've had many 'not coping' days this week and have been feeling teary and exhausted. we're all sick, dd is constantly congested and coughing, and all the people i had lined up to help me out have cancelled one by one due to various illnesses (SO inconsiderate - can't they schedule their sick days for different weeks?!).

[sarah_dobbo2]

zennie (SO inconsiderate - can't they schedule their sick days for different weeks?!).

LAMO... You poor thing. we were all sick last week, but some how I managed. DH was dying as all men are when they are sick. Kicked him out to cough to die out there not in lovely clean bed. I felt human again today with some nice tops on. I'd even go as far to say YUMMY, if I say so my self... LOL
*I even painte my nails today. They look very SHINNY...

I took Wyatt to a Massage class for babies today. And well he didn't mind it until we go to rubbing his bum. That part he got argo at, so we moved onto the tubby thighs.

hope all are well. As you might have guess both my boys are sleeping at moment. WOOOHHHOOOO....