Babies Born June 2006 #45

[Bathsheba]

Good afternoon everyone

Mel: Yum biccys! Don't you usually prefer making slices? Good on you! What recipe? I got into trouble once at uni for thinking Melb cup day was a public holiday there... i missed some important classes... eeek!

Jess: Gee you'll be fit! Poor thing having to push your car so far! But well done being brave and speaking to L***. I hope he makes a good go at being a good bio father to your DD.

Rory: I've been reading your journal... my lecture is there LOL rest! Oh and doesn't your DH like eggplant? We adore it. I ended up making a curry like Mel suggested... served it with polenta... Niall loved it!

Tali: I'm reading a good (non-fiction) too ATM called The Science of Parenting... it's also about how not to stuff up your kids without realising it! It's really helped motivate me.

Amanda: I agree, you did sooo well feeding Cody for so long. nothing to be worried about there! I think I might wean too when it comes to the end of December. I originally thought I would feed until he was 2yo but it's just getting too hard. I'm back to BFing 2/3 times a night on a bad night. I don't know whether it's hunger or comfort. I want to continue co-sleeping but not being constantly woken for feeds when i am right there and available. I think if I weaned then he would be more hungry in the mornings (he usually only eats a few teaspoons of cereal each morning because he wakes up with a tummy full of milk) he's just not eating enough solids in general... just like Verity at the same age. He comes to me for a B feed all the time in lieu of solids. It's sad though... being my last one and all

Maya: yay! you're back! A few people had problems with not getting email notifications recently... I wonder what was up? I hope your exam result is an ace! That rushing around sounds like the best anti-stress strategy to me! LOL better than traveling calmly with all the time in the world to worry! Looking forward to seeing you 'round the site

Julie: Ooooh yes, no day off for us SAH mummies DH and I had a bit of an argument about it. All he wanted to do was potter around doing things that the kids couldn't be involved in and when I sat down to work on my new Avvy Niall pressed the off button and IT WAS SO NOT FAIR! I only get break when the kids are asleep and it's driving me nuts! But in the end DH stormed off into our bedroom and slammed the door (he took Niall) and I though he'd gone in to have a nap but when he emerged about 2 hours alter I saw that he'd folded the laundry mountain so all was forgiven LOL I think he might have had a nap but the mountain was huge so he deserved it! I find it so hard to do with Niall around so all is forgiven

Ok... cuppa time!

[MelS]

Bath - PML, our DH's always do something good to redeem themselves! I am usually a slice girl but I saw the bikkie recipe on the back of the cadbury chop chip packet. I modified it a bit by adding both white and milk choc chips and a packet of sultana/dried apple. They are delicious, would go perfectly with your cuppa. I love curry with polenta, or even couscous. Veg curry is the best! What other veg did you put in. I usually roast off pumpkin, cauliflower, eggplant, zuchinni, capsicum (and whatever else I can find!) and then add chick peas and coriander at the end. I like the Korma curry paste, what do you use? I love getting other people's recipes. I hope your av was saved, I can't wait to see the new one. You are becoming a bit of a genius with them.

[*Ali*]

Afternoon all, I am now officially on Mat leave, and so relieved as I have started to get realy tired in the last couple of weeks. I had a really great last morning this morning and got presented with a huge baby hamper at morning tea, filled with bibs, and face washers, jumpsuits, cot blankets and sheets etc etc. It was a nice surprise as I wasnt expecting anything as I havent been there very long.

Hopefully now I willhave more time to catch up on everyone's news properly now. I hope all is well and everyone is happy.

[Roryrory]

Hey Ali - doesn't it feel good to be finished? Tomorrow I will have been on leave a week and I feel so much better already.

Amanda I can so sympathise with how you feel - I was devastated when I stopped feeding my Flynnie. It seems hard to imagine him feeding now though - he is so big! But soon I will have a new bubba to feed - that will be wierd

Oh Jess - I hate it when cars break down - lucky DH is usually on call but it still sucks!

Howdy Bath, Nickers, Maya, Julie and Tali :wave:

I have been taking it easy and doing a bit of cleaning each day. DH even got the bub's (well, Flynn's) clothes out of storage so I guess I should start thinking about packing my bag - two of the mums due in December have already had their bubs but it doesn't stress me anywhere near as much as it did when Rach and Nickers had their bubs when I was pg with Flynn.

See y'all tomorrow

[nickers]

im another who hadnt gotten any email notifications only to find out there is a new thread already!

Amanda- hats off to you for bf for 17months. i remember how sad i felt after i made it to almost 9months with Nixon you almost double that great stuff! i suppose if u guys knwo u are havign another there is that feeling of you can do it again. But for me well aint looking that way wish is sad that you can get a 33wkr to the breast after all the crap in the begining to a FT baby blatently refusing it!

Maya- thanks for your advise. the only reason i haven't hired a LC or joined ABA is fear of throwing money down the drain. Havent mentioned it on BB before cause i dont know if she reads but my doula let me down BIG TIME. i paid her $700 for ONE visit. she has not rung me since the day i gave birth to Tyron,actually the text i got from her after my announcemnet was "are you ok" i found it offensive and like i felt like i let her down or something, as if i wasnt ok i had a healthy beautiful full term baby in my arms. not even a text msg since that day. the few days i was in hosp b4 she never came to visit me, i was on the ph to her and text msgs but she never came to see me before, during or after Tyron was born. I want to get some money back but havent had the guts to call her (dunno why its my money) i know her son was going in for an op the week i was in hosp so i fear if i say what i feel then find out something bad went on i'll never forgive myself.
But yeah basically i went against everyones opinions (dh, mum, sister) and paid for the doula (all my hard tupperware work) and it back fired in my face.

Rory- yes i read two bubs from your thread have popped already! muyt be like de ja vou for you! yes good time to pack your bags i rekon!

jules- i rekon the red bull thing would have been awesome, we watched parts on telle and i said to dh we should go next year! well one year anyway i would love to see it, its absolutley INSANE what they do!

Ali- congrats on being on Mat leave whoo hoo!

bath- oh what a good dh in the end lol! i cracked it at mine thismorning, i got up got Nixon breakfast, made dh lunch, unpacked the dishwasher, got out some breakky and then Ty woke up. as i was feeding him dh emerged out of bed, had his breaky got ready and went. wasnt till the boys were sorted i realised he left all his plates in the sink messed the kitchen up again and ate my dam breakfast!!!!

[Roryrory]

Nickers that is awful about your doula - not good service at all!! I wish I could offer some suggestions

Flynn is in the middle of the biggest tantrum I have ever seen. He is screaming like he is being stabbed and has been for a good half hour - all because we keep putting him back into bed. He is obviously tired but just pushing his weight around. I am just glad that DH and I see eye to eye on how to approach him - ie: keep getting up and putting him back in bed. He is throwing himself on the floor and kicking the walls and everything!! It is actually amusing, on one level, to see his impotent rage. I wonder what the "gentle parenting" method of handling red-hot tanties is - Maya I am geniunely curious - is the suggestion that you go in there and sit with him? We are about to do just that because he is getting angrier and angrier and is obviously past it, but there's a real fine line between not giving in to rage and comforting a baby who has lost control IYKWIM? I guess that there is also a real gentle slide from "baby who is upset" to "manipulative toddler" and it is hard to pinpoint at what point you need to be soft or firm. Ah well, like I said I am glad DH and I are in agreement on how to handle him - he is in there cuddling him right now - because I can imagine when I am upstairs BF or handling an unsettled newborn the last thing I would need is to be worried about DH's approach to Flynn IYKWIM? I know it will still be hard, and if he gets into the fire brigade I will be flying solo for half the time, but I am still glad that we can work as a team.

[Bathsheba]

Hiya Rory Sounds fun! Just quickly because we're about to settle Niall down for the night too: I know it's no help tonight but you guys really have to get yourselves a copy of The Science of Parenting. I was reading about tantrums in babies and toddlers last night. Succinctly: he hasn't got the ability to be manipulative, he is unable to control his big emotions and won't be able to soothe himself without your help. It's not caving in to show him how to calm down. At the moment his brain chemistry is working against him. His stress is blocking the production of opioids that are necessary for calm. Assure him with calm words that everything is ok and just hold him in a dark room. Said in the book that it can take up to 20 minutes for a child in tantrum mode to calm down. If you can show him how to calm down when he is young then he will more likely be able to learn this skill as he grows older. If he is left to his own devices then he will become super sensitive everytime he is placed in this situation. So, in a nutshell, yes, sit with him.... but maybe in a dark boring room. Might save you some future stress in the long run...

Sorry if this is written a bit disjointedly... got distractions all over the place ATM... good luck!

[Roryrory]

Thanks Bath - that's what DH ended up doing - sitting with him till he is calm. Interesting about that book - sounds alot more appealing to me (and esp my scientific-background DH I suspect) to have a parenting book based on science than just "the vibe" IYKWIM? Not to discount the vibe cause I think that helps heaps when they are real small, but some "facts" on dealing with this stage would be useful

[Smoke Jaguar]

Backing up what Bath recapped from the book (I have GOT to borrow this book from my ABA group library!), the chemistry is the hormones Cortisol and Adrenaline. Unfortunately, boys tend to produce more of this than girls do when stressed. Just like in birth, or any other potentially stressful sicho, production of endorphins just cannot happen at the same time as adrenaline, so the kid's gotta calm down first.
I haven't read the book , but it makes sense what Bath says. Maybe because I HAVE studied a bit of the hormonal and developmental processes I may be using it subconsciously in my responses to Oscar. I also take a brief moment to get 'in synch' with my inner knowledge (which you may even describe as 'the vibe', and I believe that I'm hardwired to know what to do, so I allow my brain to access those hidden recesses!), which calms me down and enables me to deal with Oscar sensitively to his needs at the time (I kind of feel 'zen' and centred, how corny does that sound?). Sorry if that sounds airy fairy, I'm no parenting author! Essentially, our kids are very much at a stage where they are copying us, or 'modelling', so when their little bodies send them off on a tantrum, we can help them modify their behaviour by showing them how we expect them to act.
Oscar has tanties and I don't see them as being manipulative, I see a kid who is frustrated and can't speak his mind, and even if he could, he's just in such a state that it wouldn't make sense anyway! He usually has tanties when he's tired. If his tanty isn't over within a minute (tired for bed or not), I hold him and reassure him so that he doesn't get worked up and then follow that momentum. I also employ a great diversionary tactic that never fails, in the event that soothing him isn't working...his Tupperware Shape-O! Works every time. I don't ever want him to think that I don't care about what he's going through, not at this age anyway.
Going to bed hasn't been an issue for some time now. Probably because for so long, he went to bed when I did. As his bedtime gets earlier and earlier, he is ok with being put to bed when he's tired. He realises he's going to bed and has a plaintive cry (becoming less frequent) for about 30 seconds when it's DP putting him to bed, and he's off in la-la land in no time. As I began to compose this response, DP was putting him to bed and he was out like a light, and DP lies in bed with him till he's off. When it's DP, he usually needs a dummy. When it's just me, if he's REALLY tired, lying down next to him will work. Otherwise, if he's not completely over it but needs to sleep and it's just me, I get out my trusty Ergo, pop a 'baboo' in his mouth and that usually finishes him off!
BTW, he has only since yesterday started to articulate "baboo" in relation to my boobies, it's very cute. He has been feeding like a demon lately - probably since he got sick. I don't mind, it's really helping my boobs shrink, oddly enough. He just finds and feeds at night, too, just like I dreamed of 12 months ago! I'm just as besotted by him as I was then - when do I get over this stage?? I feel like a love-fool!
Nic - that is NOT good doula behaviour! Ask Kelly! My goodness, the point of a doula is continuity of care in a system that throws us from one professional to the next. I would be looking at some sort of complaint if talking to her didn't resolve it in the first instance. You may even decide to go for broke and ask her for a partial or full refund. You can't be expected to just hand over money for nothing in return. Please dont' beat up on yourself for hiring a doula - this one just let you down, and I've never heard of this happening, though I'm sure it does. I would definitely bite the bullet and ask her what happened to her services that you paid for. Probably best that you haven't spoken to her yet, you want to be calm and collected as possible, even though you will be emotional - that's ok WRT an LC - they are good value for money. They have an internationally recognised accreditation for which they sit an exam, and it's not easy. If you hire one and she's not good, you can complain to the IBCLC (certified LC's). Plus, it's about $100 for an LC, not $700. For ABA, you can go along to meetings and not be a subscriber, and if you like it enough to keep going, then you can decide if you want to be financial (getting the quarterly magazine alone makes it worthwhile!). Getting that initial contact is the most important thing, though, so don't think about money at this stage, just get in touch with someone trained to talk about breastfeeding difficulties and feelings, ok? It's free of charge and they are very willing volunteers. The subscription fee that I pay and that others pay helps to fund the volunteer training (they do a counselling course specific to breastfeeding and it is a Registered Training Organisation, so again, if someone does the wrong thing by you, you can complain), so it's not like you have to pay upfront for the expertise. Please don't let money be the object in the way of your goals - there are already enough obstacles you have to deal with that money can't pay off, if that makes sense. I KNOW how hard it must be to count up the profits from 2 to 3 parties and feel like you've thrown it to the wind - it's not easy and it's possible that you can overcome this fear to get the right conversation happening with the right people.
Sorry all, this is a long email. I've gone and picked up my Thai take-away and eaten it in the process of writing it! It's DP's birthday today and we went out for lunch to a pub tavern, cleaned out the campervan and got the hungries again (we've wagged fire brigade!). A good, lazy day was had.
Hi to everyone else!

[Roryrory]

Thanks girls I must clarify when I say manipulative I mean "he is trying to get us to do something he wants" in the neutral sense, not in the "he's out to get us sense IYKWIM? Maya like you DH straight away seemed to click with the scientific side once I read Bath's post to him (one of his many degrees LOL! is in bioscience when he did biochem as a major - the bugger is now more highly qualified than me - 3 degrees and now almost a masters!!) We actually bought a copy of that book on Amazon - would you believe the Australian price at Dymocks is $45 but I bought it for around $35 delivered, with the US exchange rate being so good.

I actually think he might be teething a bit - Bath and Mel and Jess, am I right in suspecting that when their eye teeth/canines come thru they are just as likely to suffer pain but less likely to have the tell-tale red and hot cheeks? Anyways, he woke at 3.30am a bit wet and clingy, so a dose of panadol sent him off but now he is crying and sooking a bit in his sleep. I couldnt get back to sleep so thought I would do some early-morning snacking and nesting - one of the benefits of being on mat leave and having DH at home means I can sleep as long as I like in the morning.......

[Bathsheba]

Hi Rory Hope you caught up on some sleep this morning! Oh yes, the dreaded preggy insomnia... very frustrating but with subsequent children you kinda don't mind so much as you get to enjoy your house when it peaceful and quiet.... a real rarity and treat for mums of 2 or more kids! I'm so glad you have bought that book. I first heard about it here in one of Kelly's threads entitled "every parent must read this book" (or something like that).... check it out. Anyhow Maya also made a good point that it's good to balance "vibe" (I call it intuition) with science when it comes to this parenting business. Then you can't go wrong I reckon.

Regarding teething. I'm not sure about the canines... none of my children had significant teething problems... no more than a flushed cheek and a unsettled mood. Niall has the teeth coming down between his canines (or are they insisors?) and his back teeth now... so soon he will have the whole set... ie there will be no more gaps or space left for any more! He is following my other two in having early erruptions of all teeth.

Anyhow just back from French Music... need to feed the boys... will catch everyone later!

[MelS]

Hi Rory - kids teeth so differently and I have no doubt that teething hurts, regardless of what the books tell you. Chelsea was brilliant, no real problems. Marley gets very grumpy and sooky but who knows if thats just her mood when she wakes up! Hope you enjoyed your early morning snack LOL!!! I bought a full length body pillow which was bliss, its long enough to wedge between your legs, under your belly with enough to cuddle too!!!

Ali - congrats on being on mat leave and how nice to get such a lovely gift, they must really like you!

Nic - I think thats atrocious of your doula! Did you sign any paperwork, and if so, did that state when she would visit you? I would definately be asking for some if not all your money back. As if you need this hassle on top of life with a new baby. My GF is a doula and she would be so outraged by this, she always follows up with her clients and some of them she is still in contact with 8 weeks after the birth. Its very disappointing as you were so excited about using a doula, and she has really given them all a bad reputation esp in the eyes of those that doubted your decision in the first place. Try to keep smiling!

Hi Maya, Bath, Amanda, Julie, Tali, Jess ( I think thats all of us LOL!)

Must go, tummy is rumbling so I know its time for lunch.

[AmandaJ]

Rory I can so relate to the tanties, Cody has his little hissy fits where he throws himself on the floor and can sometimes bang his head, which is shocking. I usually pick him up and hold him, but sometimes he just doesn't want to be held and he squirms and wiggles so I just let him down, most of the time he is right.

Nic I'm so sorry you had such a bad experiece with your doula, she was there to be your support and she obviously hasn't done her job, you should ask for at least some of your money back that is your right, I believe. Big hugs.

Thanks everyone for your kind comments, I know in my own mind it is alright but I've been very hormonal in the last few days so it most probably has to do with that. I had a shocker of an experience at the shops yesterday, if you want to read about it it's in the boohoo threads. We've got applications in on three houses now and will be looking at another tomorrow, so hopefully I will have a house soon, as next weekend is the latest that we can move, as DH works long hours and they won't give him time off as it's to close to christmas (he's a local truck driver). So we can only move on the week ends and as we have to be out by the 22nd, we only have this weekend and next weekend to move so the stress is on.

I hope that everyone else is doing well.

hugs xoxo

[New Dawn]

Amanda- hope you find a house soon, I have only just started this renting business and know I dont like it but as there is no choise what can you do, but keep trying, Have you got any back-up plan just incase?

Nic- dont feel bad that you did something that you thought would benfit you and your baby, Just becouse she didnt turn out to be all you thought she should have been, I too think that you should ask for atleast some of your money back, but I know that if it was me I would let it slide but thats only because I am the biggest wimp know to man kind.lol

Ali- enjoy the time you have left as before you know your bundle of love will be here..

Rory- Kai is also getting 4 teeth atm she is getting her tummy teeth and is not happy camper atm so I just keep giving her the nurofen when she needs it, but she has never had red cheeks or high temps she just gets grumpy and when she is haveing her fits I get to see all the very swollen gums but she will look funny for a while as on the bottem she only has 2 teeth and now she has missed a set and getting the tummy teeth hope she doesnt have gaps for too long. But with DS he had very high temps with all his teeth he would get as high as 39.9deg which was very scary but thankfully the girls dont have those.

Well I better go as poor Kai is upset so I think she will be in with me tonight.

[*Ali*]

Rory- We are also teething here, Tori has just finished cutting her molars and I swear not more than 1 week later her canines started popping through. We also have some problems with getting out of bed and tantrums, but as Tori isnt one to be cuddled to sleep (she will fight you even if she is dog tired) we sit and calm her down, give her cuddles and then put her in her pram and usually she is alseep within minutes. Most nights she doesnt have a problem but some nights she just cant fall asleep so her automatic reaction is to climb out of bed, we usually put her back between 5-10 times, but are yet to get her to stay there and fall alseep once she has gotten out, so that is why we love our pram so much

I am really enjoying being on leave and I am much more motivated than I have been in month, it is funny once you are able to free up some head space how much more you can achieve. For me it is like I have cleared school stuff from my mind and now I can focus on nesting and getting myself, my house and my family ready for our new arrival.
Today Tori and I are off to finish off our christmas shopping, I only have a couple more bits and pieces to pick up but I would really like to have it all in the house and wrapped up ready to go. Then I am going to start ploughing my way through my ironing pile.

I hope everyone has a lovely friday1

[Bathsheba]

Melbourne Girls: check this out!!! I'm going! https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...01#post1002001

[Smoke Jaguar]

I just hopped on, followed the link and bought me a ticket - Bath, are you going? Mel? Rory? It's a Tupp sales meeting night but I REALLY want to see this doco!

[Bathsheba]

I'm having troubles with Paypal but yes, I'm going!