Mel- I just wanted to say that I am really sorry to hear about your Nan. I also would not be inclined to take the girls given the situation. Maybe you and the girls and DH can have your own goodbye ceremony for her that is more kid friendly and less involved in family politics. Maybe once her ashes are spread at Port Melbourne you could go down with the girls at sunset have dinner, and maybe float some flowers or some candles out, or get the girls to write her a little note or draw her a picture and put them in a bottle and send them out to be with her ashes. Good luck with it all.