thanks md- i feel a lot better knowing that my reaction is, in a way, kind of healthy and normal as a new mum. i've found it quite unnerving- how severe my reaction has been. as i said, and this may sound strange, but i've always been extremely sensitive to animal cruelty but not so much to children- quite strange i know. this has just hit me like a ton of bricks. thanks for sharing about your reaction to your work friend's tragedy. like you said, this has affected me at a really deep level that i'm having trouble understanding as i've never experienced it before.

i think i'm also struggling a bit cos dp is working such long hours atm. it's great for our finances, but he's doing 10 hr days, 6 days a week. on sundays all he wants to do is sleep. i feel like we never see him i know it's not nearly as bad as when dh's go away (md, pregpan) but i'm really starting to miss him. when he does get home from work late at night it's such chaos with dinner and bath and getting L to sleep.

more news from our little family unit- i've decided not to ttc until (at the least) next year. we were being very slack with contraception (in other words, not using it ) for a while there, but i've put the brakes on. dp wants us to get pg now! but i don't feel ready yet. i want some more time just with my little man.