Thanks KL
the physical part is been and gone. it was nasty bad while it was happening, but the worst was over within a few days. i am one of those "lucky" women that passes everything naturally - but also has lots of minor laboring to do so, so a few days of pretty ordinary discomfort. i am now being hit by the emotional though - the fact that i was so detached and kept working (until the pain was too much) and just didn't let myself accept that anything was happening that warranted an emotional response - now that response is catching up - along with a lot of guilt - a LOT of guilt (primarily because i was so detached and can't fathom what the hell i was thinking to shut down like that)