Sweetie - full commisserations, I have totally BTDT.

The good news is, your body *will* heal!! It may take some time, a trip to the dr or two, and maybe some vaginal oestrogen, but you will get there!

In my case, DD was 6 months old when we finally moved into an area where I could see a *good* dr, and when I did she explained that the low oestrogen levels from BFing makes the vuhjay tissues thinner, more brittle and prone to damage - and for that reason the tears hadn't really healed properly. It was amazing the difference the vaginal oestrogen made.

It's devastating now but it will get better.