Will my post baby body EVER get back to the way it was prebaby

[PinkPalace]

Ok girls,,, TMI and i hope this is the correct forum topic..

I have been thinking about my body post baby. And about intimacy etc.

And things are very different to pre-baby.

Intercourse hurts unless we use lubricant and i often flinch or shudder is DH goes to touch me down there!

I feel like i am 16 yr old virgin again who is scared to be touched.

I am worried about getting aroused or DH touching my BB's incase i start lactating everywhere.

And i am so tired that my sex drive in buried deep in sibera somewhere...

will it be like this forever? is this what we have to get used to post baby?

[rosehannah]

Big hugs,

It can be hard getting back to feeling comfortable about DTD after baby comes. All that I can suggest is that you tell your DH how you feel and take it slowly. Some times it takes us a while to relax and let our body prepare itself for being intimate. Did you have much tearing/grazing. I did and It took a while for me to get over it but know everything is fine. I found different positions made me leek more than others ,and though I didn't like it my husband didn't mind at all.
Best wishes

[PinkPalace]

Thanks Rosehannah.
I didnt have tearing but i did have grazing and it hurt non-stip for about 6 weeks.
I have spoken to DH about it and he says not to worry and that he is worried etc etc, but i still feel like i am denying him DTD.
NOt that we arent at all... we do sometimes but i wish it was more often but i cant seem to relax... i get frustrated that he will be romantic etc and all i can think about is - if the baby is cold at night or did i hangout the washing, what will i cook for dinner tomoz....

that sounds so stupid! omigod

[Olive]

DTD stil hurts for me 12 months on!! yes i had episotomy and a labial tear, but the key for me is to relax and take it slow, my DH is very understanding but i find it frustratling, i know how you feel, i wish it was like it was before too

[PinkPalace]

thank you AJP
its nice to know im not alone
*hugs*

[Karina]

I'm glad to know that I am not the only one like this! Not that I want other people to be like this, but you know what I mean! I had three 2nd degree tears - one peri and two labial tears and omg it hurt like hell the first time we DTD after Claire was born. Its still quite uncomfortable and we need lots of lube still (i hate lube - it makes me itchy) and have to take it slow or else I feel like I am giving birth all over again and that wasnt a sexy feeling for me. Actually, I remember the MCHN saying that when you are brestfeeding, you dont make as much of your own natural lubricant and that is why you often need some KY or similar. Anyone else been told that? I have no idea where my sex drive has gone too. I suppose it doesnt help that as soon as we "do anything" Claire almost always wakes up. Good form of contraception she is. But yeh, I flinch as well and I never used to do that. Hoping I will go bck to normal soon. I feel bad for DH, but he says its ok and he understands and that he isnt annoyed and so on.

[rosehannah]

I had second degree tears with all three bubs even though we tried to stop it from happening. With my DS it felt like they had thrown in a couple too many stitches and the scaring felt tight for at least one year, then with DD#1 it felt like they had left out a couple of stitches LOL I often joke that it took them three times to get it right. The best thing to come of this is that my DH has learned to slow down a bit.

I was just remembering when I went to the doctors for the 6 week check up and they said that this is when you usually get your pap smear. I looked at him and said no one is putting anything inside me for a while yet thank you very much. He said thats fine just make an appointment when you feel more comfortable, it took a good few months.

[PinkPalace]

i havent even thought about the pap smear!
oh damn another thing to stick up there! lol

I went to the dr at 6 weeks and he looked at bub and didnt even ask me 1 question so that was my 6 week check up lol....

i had a PS done the month i fell preg (before i fell).... is it 1 or 2 yearly as i guess it has already been 1 year..........

[Olive]

karina its true about the lub and breastfeeding, i notice it too, thouhg the other night was the first time without lub!! it still hurt! for me i get most pain from the labial tear site not the episotomy area!1 feels like im going to split in two.
what i find hard is thonking about getting pregnant again, if it hurts to have sex then hows it going to feel pushing out a baby !!!

ETA i had my papsmear when sophie was 6 months, my dr said at 6 weeks they more often come back incorrect results so i waited, i wasnt ready at that point for things to be going up their

[Karina]

PMSL When I was leving the hospital the midwife told me "dont forget to have a pap smear at your 6 week check up". At the time I just though yeah right, as if! I was due to have one the same month my daughter was born. When I went along to my checkup, I didnt even mention it because I wasnt letting anyone do that! He did say something about it which ws basically "come back when you feel comfortable having one, probably some time after you have tried DTD". I ended up going back when she was about 4 months old and even the pap smear was quite painful which I wasnt expecting. My doc also said the same thing about incorrect results on a pap smear if you have it too soon after giving birth.

haha AJP I think about that too! I do want to have another baby but OMG I cant even DTD without pain, what am I going to do about pushing another baby out! haha I suppose I'll deal with that when it happens.

eta: Sorry for the TMI, but does anyone have .. erm.. I dont know what to call it. Sort of scar tissue, I suppose, where they tore? I can still feel exactly where my peri tear and stictches were (it feels thinner, iykwim) and exactly where one of my labial tears was. It feels like a bump. You know how sometimes you get a scar from something and its sort of raised? Well I have that. Is that normal or am I a freak?

The things we go through!

[Olive]

i cant see the scar but it feels thicker to me, i just have visual scarring from seeing my whoohaa looking sooooo very swollen, still havent got over that bit yet

[rosehannah]

PMSL girls,

Yes I remember having to get a mirror and pull out one of the disolvable threads that had not disolved, not something I thought I would be doing when I joyfully announced that I was PG!!. I have some scare tissue which is raised and feels harder less stretchy.

[Beach Mama]

You are definately not alone hun, :hugs: and I had a caesar - go figure! We use heaps of lube and it's still really painful. I had abnormal cells and treatment for it before Izzy was born, and was due for a pap smear ages ago, but even at my 6 week check up the Dr said to wait a bit. She's just turned 6 mths and I just had my pap smear and I was really worried because I figured it would really kill but it wasn't too bad. I also asked him about the pain I'm having and he couldn't give me an answer seeing as she didn't even come out of there! From the ladies on here I'm assuming it has to do with breastfeeding too, and it is slowly getting better. Sorry waffling on now.
Good luck hun, I'm sure with time things will get better - although maybe never exactly the same?!

[Olive]

well i actually got out eh mirror and had a good look for the scar from the episotomy!! saw it for the first time, it was down one side not straight down the middle if that makes sense, i aslo have a skin tag and can now really see why i has so much pain recovery wise!! the skin tag is sort of attached funny and hurts when stretched, man things make sense now!!

[rosehannah]

Just to add a bit more, you could try different positions when DTD or be in control so you can feel less fearful of the pain.
Also a friend of mine had to be re cut and stitched after she went to her check up and complained about the pain apparently something hadn't been stitched right. yowie!!

[Olive]

ive been checked out by two different ob/gyn re getting restitched but thankfully thats rare!!!

[Snacks]

Hey girls, I so know what you mean about the flinching, the worrying about baby waking up and focussing your attention on... um... the task at hand
I think for me, the first 'normal-feeling' deed doing was only a couple of weeks ago. I felt relaxed, and I didn't need much 'convincing' from DH So for me, it took about 10 months, though that was just one time, it hasn't been that good every time.
All I'll say is be patient with yourselves. I have to remind myself (and DH) of this all the time. As mothers we are ALWAYS on duty. We never get any time off and so it can be hard to wind down and relax. But putting pressure on yourself to get back the way you were before doesn't really help. (And this message is to me as well. I really struggle with body image, and don't enjoy sex if I'm having a day where I feel fat and ugly, even if DH calls me beautiful, I have to really believe it myself if I'm to enjoy being naked, and since having a baby I've had very few days where I don't feel fat )
Re the scar tissue, I didn't suffer as bad a tear as any of you girls did - I had tenderness for a while and DTD was uncomfy for quite a few months, but my stitches were only on my peri and healed up fine. I have heard of tags forming, and if they're uncomfortable you can have them removed. If you're worried, talk to your dr (you should be used to people looking at your hoo ha by now ) But if they don't bother you, don't worry about them. Scar tissue will stretch. I believe it gets better over time... It helps to keep stretching it - probably the more often you DTD the more comfy it will be

ETA: definitely breastfeeding decreases the body's natural lubrication - I believe the body produces less estrogen when you bf? I might be wrong, but I think I heard you can use estrogen tablets internally (not sure if that's suitable for bfeeding tho)? Might be worth talking to your doc about if you find lube irritating...

[Jayney]

With my first I didn't need stitches or anything but yes Sex was painful/uncomfortable for quite some time. Try about 9 months. It sorted its self out on its own. So I guess hang in there it gets better. After my second it wasn't a problem at all.