Are You Supportable?

**BellyBelly** · May 27th, 2005, 09:05 PM

During my birth attendant class last month, we discussed psychological issues in regards to birth and post-natally. We all did a little activity relating to seeking or asking for support after having baby (something we often struggle with), which I thought was quite interesting and thought I would share.

Here's how it goes. Think of a good friend of yours who you are quite close to. If you were to score that friend as a 10/10 for supportability, what would you score for yourself?

Most girls said they'd score a fair bit lower than that 10. So are you supportable? Do you let people 'in' as much as you give out in times of need? What would you score for yourself?

**Lucy** · May 28th, 2005, 01:00 AM

About 1/10. I am crap at asking for help.......too much pride, which is stupid, I know, but I can't get over it.

I can ask DH for help, but that is it.

Melinda · May 28th, 2005, 02:25 PM

I'm not much chop at asking for help either. It seems that things have to get to absolute breaking point before I blurt everything out, which is definitely not how it should be!! I wish I had the ability to ask for help sooner, but generally I don't.

kirsty · May 28th, 2005, 02:37 PM

Before losing Alex last year I would have scored myself at about 3. Since then however I have learnt to change my thinking in that way & would probably score myself about an 8 now. Too much energy spent worrying about things I need help with doesn't help me to be a better mother, partner or friend. I've learnt this the hard way.

**christy** · May 28th, 2005, 02:43 PM

I would say I'm a 6/10... I am willing for anyone to help with anything, but I don't ask too much. With 2 close friends I'm happy to ask away...LOL but for others, I have problems asking too much.

**{sarah}** · May 28th, 2005, 02:55 PM

Never ask for help unless I'm having an absolute meltdown & even then it will only be Aaron or mum.

katanya · May 28th, 2005, 03:32 PM

2/10 I'm really bad, I like to be the supporter not the supported, I need to crash before I let anyone help me..trying to change though, think it's that stubborn streak

**Ambah** · May 28th, 2005, 03:45 PM

I would probably rate myself a 7/10.
Just from learning through the past years and through some really hard times, I have become pretty open about how I am feeling/coping, and I have learnt that other people can really help me to feel better and relieved about stuff. And most of the time it is not 'physical help' that I need... sometimes all I have to do is have someone listen to my problem, and that makes me feel much better and less alone.

**Deejoy17** · May 31st, 2005, 11:15 AM

I also never ask for help, not even from Mark, but I help others.

Take Care

Deeanne

**Rouge** · May 31st, 2005, 11:25 AM

I am trying to get better at this but I don't know. I am learning to rely on my closest friends (some more than others, but its just a comfort thing) and my SIL. I used to have a problem asking anyone to look after Paris, but now I am getting better and don't have a problem asking if Marc & I need some QT. But who knows if I am sick, for some reason I prefer Marc to come home and look after both of us rather than Paris go somewhere else. Emotional support, I find that difficult. I find it difficult as I feel I am burdening people with my issues, and second to that I think I have had too many situations in the past where I was treated like I needed to get over it or that it was a hassle for them so I think I only do that with maybe 1 or 2 friends. And its not their fault as those who burnt me in the past are no longer in my life but I still find it hard sometimes. So I guess it really depends on who the person is and what the support is for. But as far as being the supporter I would say that I try and be there for everyone. I don't know who wants to rate me LOL! Kelly? LOL!

*hugs*
Cailin

**Lucy** · May 31st, 2005, 11:46 AM

You know, I have been thinking about this issue such a lot since Kelly posted the question.

I think generally women feel the need to "handle everything" to to be percieved as strong and capable, and one of the brilliant things about a website like BB is that you can ask for help/support/advice, and get it, but not feel like you are being too "needy"?

Or maybe that is just me? LOL!

**nellbe** · May 31st, 2005, 10:24 PM

I hate asking for help and never ever do it. It took awhile for me to let DH in and let him help me.

Although I am the first one that says to my friends, need help, let me help, etc, etc.

I may get better, DH is trying so I do!

**Astrolady** · May 31st, 2005, 10:32 PM

I would rate myself pretty low too, if people offer I don't normally say no, depending on who is doing the asking and what they are wanting to do

but I don't like to ask cause I think that others have lives as well.

If I am sick I try to get by but there was once where I had to call my MIL to come and get Kameron when he was a baby and he stayed there for about 3 nights, till i begged Andrew to go and get him even though I was still pretty crook, and I have only called Andrew home from work once I think but that was a Saturday and I was hung over 8-[

But yeah doing the dishes/washing clothes/etc then nope I dont normally ask unless it is Andrew.

Although I did let my SIL who dropped in unexpectedly help clean the house once.

Love

Debbie Lee · June 5th, 2005, 08:41 PM

Actually, I reckon I am the opposite. People are always helping me out (our lovely Fi is one of them) but I am pretty slack at helping other people out. In fact, I just recently apologised to one of my close friends for not helping her out more when she had her baby. In fact, I hardly saw her. I had started working full time and was still in party mode but that's no excuse. She also didn't have a baby shower. I was organising one but she told me to cancel it. She now regrets not having it. A good friend would have still thrown her one.
It's not that I am self-centred... well, maybe I am but I don't mean to be. So, if my friend has another baby, I will be helping her out STACKS. AND she will get a baby shower.

**nadia** · June 5th, 2005, 08:51 PM

2/10 I'm really bad, I like to be the supporter not the supported. With my depression I only let my dad in.Don't know if I can change though, think I'm not worth helping,I have very low self convidence-don't like myself much I much prefere to help others.

**PocketRocket** · July 2nd, 2005, 12:25 PM

I'm one of those people who would rather just take it all on myself becuase if its not going to get done properly (read - up to MY standards) I'm going to have to go back and do it all over again. Also I'm one of these people who can't say no and I'm also always helping other people out regardless of my own load.

to my own detriment i know ...

**Visitor9** · July 25th, 2005, 08:02 PM

I'm usually at the stage of tears before I ask for help so I give myself a pittyful 2 out of 10.
I find it hard to ask before that incase people think we can't cope.
stooopid i know

Ellibam · August 11th, 2005, 10:30 PM

i find iam willing to get help from some people(g/f sil) but others i cant say yes to because i feel i will have to re do it all as well (mum mil)but i get angry because when my best gf had her babies i was always there helping and now its my turn she has just about dissapeared off the face of the earth. so i am now at the point where i am selective to who i help, so its not thrown back in my face.(very selfish i know)
am also having this problem with my wedding plans. not just baby stuff

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