Did you ever feel

[Kitt3n]

....like it was never going to happen, like it was never meant to be....... like you were too damn scared to go through it all again?

I knew this would happen - i knew i would get a few months away from the last mc and just feel like i am just too scared to try...

DF wants to wait till we get into our house (we are renting and rent out his propery, selling his so we can buy our home), and i know "good things come to those who wait".... but i am just convinced that we are going to lose another - and i just seem to be falling apart waiting for that to happen......

I want to feel his beautiful little baby kicking inside of me.... oh to feel sick would be such a pleasure!

how do i get through the wait of waiting to try, when i feel so negative and sure that we will lose it?

how did you do it?

[rosehannah]

Big hugs coming your way , When I lost my bub at 13 weeks I was shell shocked and thought that it would be easier not to have another try, but after a while the nagging feeling crept back in and I felt that I was ready to try again. I was lucky to fall pg straight away and then came the worry of losing the bub, I had some spotting which added to the worry, but everything turned out fine. If you do decide to wait then you could think of the positives like how much easier it is to move without being PG or a new bub.
Good luck for the future

[tears_of_joy]

First of all a huge for you, its sounds like its needed.

I too felt this way before falling pregnant with DS. I really dont know how i managed to keep trying and trying to be positive was so so hard. After the first 3 m/c i really felt like giving up, but then my sister got pregnant and holding my nephew for the very first time was a very emotinal time but just made me really want to keep trying for my own little bub. When i got pregnant next i actually felt positive bad sadly it ended again and i got very widthdrwan and depressed, but it made me have a stubborn determination to never give up. Again we had another m/c before finally falling pregnant with DS and up until about 26wks was terrified he would be taken away, i had some bleeds, GD and High B/P and a scare when they couldnt find a H/beat, after that i started to relax a bit until my sister who was 34wks had a heavy bleed and was in hospital for 2wks so i ended up worried again until i was holding DS in my arms.

Now we are trying to concieve again as it took us 3 years to have DS and want our children close in age. It has been nearly 4.5 months and we had a m/c in december, i try not to think about things too much but im scared that it might be a repeat of before and i dont want to lose any more bubba's. Everyday i wish my 6 little angels were here and i sometimes feel as though i cant keep doing it. But really would like to be pregnant again.

I know its really hard to do but just try to relax and be positive. And i wish with all my heart that you get those little kicks soon, followed by a beautiful bubba in you arms. Huge hugs hun, you will get through this.

I dont know if this helps, but i thought i would share and let you know your not alone.

[StrawberryMumma]

Oh Kitt3n..I'm so sorry you have to feel like this.. big :hugs:

And YES what you are feeling is so normal. Those feelings of fear and negativity, and the overwhelming longing to be able to say 'I'm pregnant' can feel suffocating

Things will get easier. And these tough times will make all the happy moments that are yet to come be just so much more precious and truly amazing that they will blow you away.

Hang in there xx

[Kitt3n]

i'm just so scared of trying again - and it just makes it so much harder with him wanting to wait.

he is sleeping like a baby and here i am glued to the computer with tears. i get so angry at myself knowing how much harder and more heart wrenching things are for others.

dd is starting to call me mum.... i'm not mummy anymore :'(

i just want that little bubba, but it doesnt matter that i am ready, i have to wait for him.... they say things happen for a reason, to make you stronger. this only makes me weak

i just sound like a sooky little sob, sorry guys

[StrawberryMumma]

Oh honey..
Is there no negotiating at all? Does he understand how big this is, and how you really feel?
Everything is so different as a woman. It can be really hard to get men to understand can't it..

I wish I could do more to stop you feeling this way

[Kitt3n]

Lee, all of you, you are so sweet.

but no, theres no way , just have to get through this and wait...and wait

thankyou so much for replying, i really needed to hear some kind words tonight.

i really could do with so many!

[Arimeh]

Awww hun... :hugs:
I'm sorry that I have no words of wisdom because I haven't been where you have, but just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and hope you feel better soon. And I hope it all works out for the best. xx

[StrawberryMumma]

Well, I will pray that time flies by for you, and while you are waiting may your heart and mind grow in strength.

You truly have a lot to look forward to..hold onto that. xx

[tears_of_joy]

I too pray that time flies for you or DF has a change of heart.

You definately dont sound like a sooky sob! Its a very difficult situation to be in and sometimes you need to have a good cry, i know i spent a lot of time crying too.

Does DF know how you feel?

And always remember even if DD stops calling you mummy you will always be a mummy, a wonderful one at that.

Hope you fell a little better soon. put aside some time to Take care of YOU
HUGS

[Kitt3n]

i try to talk to df and he doesnt hear me - he only thinks about whats in his head, not how suffocating and choking and just damn horrible this is. I know some of his reasons for wanting to wait make sense, but to me most of the reasons he gives are completely irrelevant.

As it is it looks like we could be in our home in the next 6-12 months, and i really dont know how the hell i can get through waiting that long If the fear of trying again has built up so much in the last few months, how petrified will i be by then?

why does it matter soooo much to be in our house - its (the house) is going to happen anyway, why cant we try anyway?

[StrawberryMumma]

You should tell him that you should start trying a couple of months before you are due to move. Then hopefully you are pregnant and can move into your new house, with a new happy and healthy pregnancy underway. So you can enjoy the special time of living in the new house, rather then having all the worry and stress of TTC.

[Kitt3n]

Thanks Lee , i think that might be a good angle to try to take

[Possums]

I just wanted to wish you the best of luck and send you best wishes. It's hard. Life can be unfair. It's natural to feel all kinds of emotions, so don't apologise for that. Hang in there. I really wish the best for you.