new and sad

[lauraemma]

Thank you for sharing your story with us! Im very sorry for your loss I know how your feeling as i loss my son Cooper at 21 wks about a month ago. Im new on here aswell and I know that it has helped me just writing my story down and its so lovly getting kind msg's from other woman.
It makes me so angry that your ob has let you down!
Maybe our sons are playing in heaven together =)
And one day we will both have a brother or sister for our sons to watch over.
My thoughts are with you!

[kristi14]

I cant beleive your OB dismissed your concerns and all the warning signs.

To think your DS probably would have been fine if the OB had stopped and decided to investigate things proparly. You can never be too cautious i think.

I dont blame you for changing OB's.

I am so sorry for the loss you have experienced and what you have been through.

I suffered a similar thing with not being listened to, though i didnt have an incompetant cervix, my baby just passed away. With my angel, i woke up one morning at 18wks and just knew something wasnt right. I tried telling people over the next week and eventually they got out the doppler to look for the heartbeat, which they couldnt find. But i was told its hard to find them at that gestation and the mw could hear the baby kicking so it was all ok, i scored 10 out of 10, now go home and stop stressing. Which i did. Only to go to my 19 wk scan a week later at 19 wks 5 days, to be told the baby had passed away and had been gone for over a week. So she wasnt alive when the mw told me i scored 10 out of 10.

So often mothers concerns are overlooked when they should be listened too. I think the mothers instinct is the best guide and should always be investigated. If it turns out to be ok then thats excellent, its better to be safe than sorry.

I hope that you get the best of care the next time around and that you have a special little miracle soon. I got the best of care with my next pregnancy after i lost my angel, and they took every little anxiety i had seriously and checked and double checked to reassure me.

Wishing you all the best

[brcttabitha]

i know i am not happy at all that they dismissed me like that, a mothers instinct is a very strong thing and shouldn't be taken lightly, even though it was my first pregnancy that went that far along i should of been taken seriously especially with my history, i am so sorry for your loss also, i don't know how i could of handled that, i don't know how i even handled having to give birth to my 2 lil ones knowing they weren't going to make it, but some how i did it, also congrats on your new addition, very cute.

brtcttabitha

[dd0207]

Wow it's just overwhelming how many women have been through late losses. It's just not something you expect or hear about until you read these sad stories. This forum is a wonderful place and you discover that you are not alone.

Lauraemma I am so sorry about your loss and my thoughts are with you too. What a lovely thought that our boys are playing together in heaven, it really touched my heart.

brcttabitha & kristi, I am so sorry for your losses and your tragic experiences. I can't believe these doctors put every pain down as "normal". I wonder how many of our angels would have survived if only they took more care. It's so upsetting and unfair. Krsti I'm so glad you got extra special care with your next pregnancy. I will be insisting to be checked at least once a week with my next and will be as neurotic as I please!!

brcttabitha I am so glad that you are seeing another OB. There are NO 2ND CHANCES in my book. Keep us posted after your appt with her.The memorials you are doing for your 2 little angels is just beautiful. My DH and I got our son baptised as well and we buried him with my mum who passed away just over a year ago. Seeing his coffin placed next to hers was the 2nd saddest moment of my life but it brings me some comfort that they are together.

[kristi14]

brcttabitha- I agree, first pregnancy or 10th pregnancy, a mother should be treated with care and respect at all times and not brushed aside. Its amazing how before you are in the situation, you always think you wouldnt be able to cope with things like you did, like having to give birth knowing your little ones wouldnt make it. But when you are there, you seem to get through it. I was the same. After i found out our little one had passed, i shocked myself that i wasnt in a hurry to get her out. I really feel for you with your precious twins, Im so sorry that by the time you got to hold them or see them they had already passed. Sending you all the strength you need right now. Thanks for the congrats, she is the result of one extremely stressed out, worrysome pregnancy but all worth it. I hope you are holding one or two healthy babies very soon.

dd0207-

Krsti I'm so glad you got extra special care with your next pregnancy. I will be insisting to be checked at least once a week with my next and will be as neurotic as I please!!

ABSOLUTELY!! You make sure you do. I did. I saw my OB weekly around the time i lost my baby (so from 14 to 21wks) and any other time i said to her i was stressed and needed to come in a week instead of a fortnight. I saw her fortnightly if i didnt see her weekly. She was fantastic and extremely patient and kind. She had gone through the loss with me (she wasnt at fault so i stayed with her) and delivered her, so she did everything in her power to help keep me calm and happy. I found the mw's to be fantastic too and anytime i saw any of them for monitoring or something they would tell me if i was worried about anything, no matter how trivial, to make sure i ring and they would be more than happy to check me over. It was nice to be made to feel my anxiety was warranted and not just "silly and over reactive". Sending you lots of strength. I hope you are holding a happy healthy little bundle soon.

[brcttabitha]

dd0207-ty, yes i also wonder how many of our angels would of survived is dr's would of just taken up seriously, i will also be making sure dr's see me more often an demand to be seen when something seems out of the norm, hubby didn't want me switching OB's but i insisted, i wasn't going to go back to mine knowing i wasn't taken care of the way i should of been, there's no way i would of felt comfortable seeing her, yeah since we didn't have a funeral for our babies i was trying to figure out a way to honor there memory, so that's when i came up with the releasing of balloons, sorry to hear bout your loss of your mother, but she's taking care of your lil one until it comes time for you to join him.

Kristi14-yes no matter what number pregnancy dr's should take every one seriously, i had to switch OB's there was no way i could feel safe seeing her after what we went thru, yes it is sad that my babies had already passed away by the time i was able to see and hold them but i was happy that they were alive when hubby seen and held them, everytime they wold move inside me and i would call him over to come and feel they would stop moving, so in a way it was a good thing that he was able to hold them and feel them move after they were born even though it was for only a few minutes or so.

i will definitely keep you guys updated on how it goes when i meet with new OB next month and let you guys know when plan on trying to get preggo again.

brtcttabitha

[stanas]

I too am so so sorry for your loss. I'm sending you lots of :hugs: hugs:

We also lost our first child, our daughter Ava, at 18 weeks 4 days. None of the drs I have spoken with will say if it was IC or not and are not willing to put in the stitch either. I had very painful cramps for a week before my waters broke. Noone at the hospital checked to see if I was dialating or an ultrasound, nothing. Was sent home to wait and go into labour. 11 day later still nothing, was induced after u/s confirmed not a drop of fluid.

I also think that putting in the stitch and not needing it is better than them saying again, oops, we should have put the stitch in for you this time.

We have been trying for 2 months but it took us 14 months to fall with Ava anyway. My new Ob wants to see me weekly. And yes I will be one of those crazy pregnant ladies if any of the same signs start next time.

Hope you get what you need from your Dr. If you have more quieries I'm here anytime.
Take care and happy baby dancing!

Ava Lesley 18 weeks 4 days
Stanas

[dd0207]

brcttabitha, thanks I too like to think of my boy in my mum's arms.
krisit, how long after your loss did you fall pregnant?

Stanas, thanks for the hugs, I certainly need them. I am so sorry for your loss too. What a beautiful name, if I had had a girl that is the name I chose. How long ago did you lose her?
Can't believe the hospital sent you home without doing any tests! How awful for you. From what I know, doctors won't put a stitch in until they are certain you have IC and IC can only really be diagnosed if they see your cervix funnelling or dilating on ultrasound during pregnancy (which was the case with me) but since they didn't bother to check yours beforehand (still can't believe that!), you can't confirm that you have it. You are in such a bad situation trying to convince your new OB to put a stitch in but like you, I believe it is better to be safe than sorry. I think you're going to have to really insist and do what you feel is right with your next pregnancy. OBs try to avoid it because of the potential risks but without it, the risk of losing another baby is just not something I'm prepared to take. My prayers and thoughts are with you and I hope you get to share some great news with us soon!

[dd0207]

sorry, i somehow posted the above twice so i deleted the text but don't know how to delete the whole entry?