A spirtual look at loss

[scooby]

Hi everyone
I was lying in bed yesterday and something sprung to mind, it gave me abit of relief and peace of mind and i hope it helps others. i might warn you before you read on that it is an alternative look at the loss of our angels.
I first MC when i was 22, i was single (boyfriend left as soon as he herad pregnant) and i lost my angel at approx 7.5 weeks. A few monthes later i went to see a clairvoyant ( i have been brought up in N. Ireland and have very religous up bringing but turned to a more spirtualist approach when Christianity didnt give me the answers i needed). Sorry i get a little side tracked. Any way Roy (clairvoyent) told me about the MC and said that childern in spirt pick their parents and they will wait in spirit until the time is right to come to us. He told me it was a little girl and she would wait til the time was right to come back to me. I know this may seem very farfetched to many, but it brought me so much comfort yesterday to picture my darling daughter waiting to come to me, rather than 2 angels that i would never get to meet. I know this may seem out there, and i'm almost quite embarrased about sharing this story, but it has given me great peace over what has happened and i hope it helps even just another one of us.

[Amie]

Hi Scooby,

I personally haven't suffered the devastation of a MC, but a good friend's mother had 7 MCs before she had my friend and her brother. She too is quite spiritual and is of the same belief that little souls choose their time to come to us. She has since been told (although I think she knew intuitively anyway) that many of her lost angels have come back to her in many ways during her life, many of them through her two children (ie their friends, partners).

HTH

[ElleJay]

Scooby - You know what?? I know it's not farfetched at all... The day after I m/c'ed (I m/c'ed naturally) in a dream I saw an elderly like lady that had angel wings (in other words, either my grandmother or my great grandmother) holding onto a little bundle and she said 'You're not ready for him yet, give it about six months and you will be reunited with him' and she turned away and left and then I woke up... And I felt at peace, although I was ready to burst into tears, I just knew that she was right, because the pregnancy wasn't planned, and when we eventually do plan it, things will go right
I'm still so sorry for your loss!

[~StarBright~]

Scooby and Liz Jessie

I am full of chills and goose bumps after reading of your experiences.
I totally believe that my little angels are waiting for the right time to come to me. I had a tarot reading done not long after i lost my daughter- alot of things came up that rang very true. She described perfectly what happened with my placental abrubtion and how it could have been avoided and she said that we had a lot of angels trying hard to help her come to me but that things just didnt go our way, but that she is waiting, and so is her brother. And that they arn;t going anywhere until they come back to me and my Dh.

She went into some of my past lives experiences (WARNING VERY FULL ON>>> BELIEVE IF YOU WILL) and she said that DH and i have been seperated for many life times, but that once long, long ago we were together and happy, living a farmers life, peacefull and happy, but that for some reason he was made to go away from us (she described it as he was taken away by an army like group and captured or something) and that i was left alone with our two children a boy and a girl- who were then killed infront of my eyes. Apperently i then vowed that i would never bring another child into this world when things like that could happen, and then i killed myself. I apparently still hold some blame on DH because he left us alone (even though it was not by his choice)

From there my lives where described as painfull, sad, horrible and destructive. She said she kept asking "them" to show her a nice one, and all she was shown was blood and pain. I have not had a live baby since that life time a long time ago, but in other lives i was raped as a young child and i aborted thousands of children either naturally because i was too young- or in later lives as a prostitue, often self aborting and i have caused damage to myself doing this. She said she is not suprised i have had so much trouble carrying a child, but that as DH and i have found eachother in this life, we are here to do this and to rectify what happened in our previous lives.

I can go into details of feelings i have had my whole life surrounding children- and thoughts i have had in my pregnancies- before i had the reading and i tell you what, what she told me made complete sense.

Two days before i met DH i was feeling lost and lonely. I had never really had a "real" boyfriend, i was sleeping with anyone who would look at me and i was not in a good place. After one particular night i had slept with a guy and he didnt even stay the night. we did the deed and he just uped and left. I felt so used. I went outside and looked towards the stars and said "I"m ready, i am ready for the man i am supposed to be with to come to me. I am sick of giving all my love to the worng people who dont give it back and who just use me. I want to be with the man i am meant to be with for life and i want to have a family with him and be happy.

Two days later i met DH, it was the most magical moment of my life. The second our eyes met i knew he was the one and i have never stopped thinking that to this day. I didnt sleep with him for almost two months (the longest i had ever gone with out sex since loosing my virginity) and we formed a friendship first that was beautiful. We never spent more than 4 nights apart from the day we met- we both just couldn't bear to be apart once we had found eachother, and we still cant spend more than a day or so apart before we start to go stir crazy.
We have had more than a few hard times in our relationship, but we are dealing with them together.

As far as this world being a nice place to bring children into - i am not quite sure it is. But since i was a little girl it has been my mission to see the world become a better place. I have had this feeling that i am here to do something to change the world (and now i kind of know why) to make it a better place.

I have come to the realisation that the world will never be without pain- but that you need to take the risk of pain to have happiness in your life. i know that terrible things can happen- but its better to take the chance then to just say stuff it i am not going to bother. I know i came into this life on a mission and after my tarot reading i know i am here to find peace within my self and find the strength to trust that DH will be there for me and our family when we need him. And then i need to have the strength to accept that it wasnt his fault and that he was hurting too because he wasnt there for us. i need to forgive him and move on.

i know this all sound very full on- but i have had a few readings done and they have all come back with the fact that DH and i have found eachother after a long time and we are in need of some major healing. Also in readings i have had before trying to get preg- that i will have trouble carrying, or that i am stopping myself from even getting preg. It always comes thorugh i have a boy and a girl waiting patiently for me and DH. And one lady even said they may come together as twins- but that i may loose one or two first. (I have lost a boy and a girl and i have had a mc)

Woah- that is all pretty out there, i hope i havent scared anyone away (i am good at that- people say i am way to philosophical)

For anyone who is wondering we are TTCing for the 4th time, i am hoping with my new outlook that this one will be a success.

Peace to All
StarBright
xoxox

[ElleJay]

Starbright - you wanna know the funny thing - I'd love to have a tarot reading (might treat myself to that ) and kinda see where things are going in the next couple of months (or even years) and/or see what my past lives (if any) I had.. I always feel like I belong whenever I walk into a shop and it's got ANYTHING to do with Ancient Egyptian things.. so I feel like one of my past lives was in Ancient Egyptian times *shrugs* Who knows! But what I do know is that one day I will go to a tarot reader again and ask about the m/c

[~StarBright~]

i think they can be really valuable- but you need to see a good one! All th eones i had previous to my last one were pretty vauge, and then the last one i had she said- "i know some full on stuff about you - if you are ready to hear it." I think all the other ones were getting the tip of the ice berg, but this last reader was able to see it all. Or maybe the other ones still knew, but they weren't prepared to share it with me. Some people are con artists- but when it is for real, you know. I have been mentioned in friends readings too- i am supposed to get some chinese herbs to help me hold onto a bub.
it doesn't sound strange that you feel associated with Ancient Egypt- i feel the same about Native American Indians!!! I was born in america- but i am now way a native- my parents were both Aussies, they just travelled alot and had me in the USA. I feel a connection to them, but i dont know why.
The lady also said i was a high priestess before all the **** went down, and that one day i will be giving lectures to the UN and i will help the people of the world move forward in a new direction. I get too caught up in thinking sometimes- but then stuff like that reading happens and i think. "Dammit Kat- stop second guessing yourself and thinking you are crazy- it is all for a reason!!"
I will let you all know how i go and one day if it all pans out i have it on record that i knew it was going to happen!!! Lets just hope i dont get ahead of myself though!!

SB

[NaeNae]

I have just started to mc and found out that we hadn't develpoed past 5weeks and 2 days. Thats is such a lovely way of looking at it and is something I will take with me through this time.

I am so glad you weren't too embarrassed to share that.

[scooby]

It is so great to hear from everyone with like minds, having a possible "alternative" approach to things have helped me get through some horrid times. I know it all to be very true for me and i guess people do what is best for them. Starbright that is an amazing reading you had, the reader must have been very experienced to get such awesome detail. You are right it is so hard to find someone good. LizJessie there is a great lady in Butler in Perth but that is the other end of Perth for you, but she is truly amazing. Roy unfortunately is now in spirit himself, but he was one of the truly gifted. Starbright i study homoeopathics but am only in it about a year so not very experienced but i reckon they would be awesome for you, if you read a little about homoeopathics they work on the whole person and take into account what they call miasims, there would be one remedy (and only one) that would suit your overall picture including problems carried from pastlife. It is really difficullt once again to find someone who is only homoeopathic alot combine with naturopaths which kind of go against the principles of homoeopathics. I honestly reckon you would really benefit from them, i have seen some amazing results. There is some great websites so PM me and i will pass them on if you are interested. Well i'm so glad i posted this thread and i'm not embarrased (thanks NaeNae) any more so thanks for your replies

[Tobily]

Scooby I don't think it's far fetched at all.

When I lost my first baby many years ago at 10 weeks pregnant I didn't cope very well with it at all. I went through a very, very black period for quite some time.

A clairvoyant I saw, as well as my husbands aunt (who is a strong psychic) both told me that our baby was a little girl and that she would come back into our lives when the time was right.

Seven years later our daughter was born and I believe that what they said is true...
I'm really sorry for your loss scooby and I hope you find a way to make peace.

[Beaksie]

Scooby - I also think that maybe my m/c's were because I wasnt ready for that baby to arrive. My 1st m/c happened just before (as in days) we moved from Vic to WA, and I realised later that that was for the best, because I never would have given this place a go if I hadnt had a chance to work and get out and make a social circle, I wouldnt have coped having a baby and no family near by etc. The second m/c was at a time wehn DP and I were having "issues". He rolled our new car, after driving half drunk, and it was a real time of maturing.
When DD finally arrived (after problems during birth, where she was lucky to survive) she really seemed like a calm little "old" soul, and I was (and still am) convinced that she came to us on HER terms.
My last mc happened in May, and I think again this was because of the timing. We're set to move back to Vic sometime in December, and my angel was due on Xmas day. It would have meant changing obs and hospitals with only one month to go, as well as moving house, Xmas etc etc. Not to say that baby was in any way unwanted, but perhaps the universe knows whats good for us better that we do, and my second baby is waiting in the wings to come back when the time is right....hopefully really soon. Of course, along the way if anyone said to me"it wasnt meant to be" I would have been horribly offended and hurt. But maybe there's some truth in that afterall?
Sorry this has been so long, but it's an interesting concept, thats for sure..

[chris]

I'm a believer!!!!!

I named my baby"Angel" as I feel that he/she is still with me.
When I was miscarrying I blacked /passed out and I felt a presance there with me both in the resus room and the normal er room. I was scared that it was there to take me away (at the time) i was too scared to go to sleep because I thought I was going to die.
My Mum don't want me to have another baby because she don't want to see me in such a bad way again (she held my hand all the way through). I on the other hand feel that I "need" to have a baby.

I have also been told that it could be a lesson i had to learn as some good and bad things have happened to me since the miscarrage.

I haven't had a taro reading for a while but would love to get another done or get a medium to do a reading. I would also like to find out about my past lives as I might be able to find out why I can't feel comfortabe being near a man with a big beard/mow.

Take care
Chris

[~StarBright~]

Thanks for the advice on homeopaths- my friend (who had the reading that i was mentioned in too) is already on to it for me!! Her mum is a homeopath and we are getting some scents together for while i am TTC and then once i get preg too. Thanx- i will let you know what she comes up with for me and maybe compare them with what you would recomend.

Breaksie- i totally aggree that timing played parts in my losses. After my first i had a similar experience with getting a job i love which provides me with a very tight support circle- which i would never have had if i had had my little boy!!
My daughter was due xmas eve- and while i would probably only admit this in here- i beleive i lost her to help show my DH how bad my other losses where to me. In some crazy way- does this make sense to anyone else?? My other losses were alot earlier and to me the pain was the same for all three- but for DH, the impact was the biggest from loosing her. We have also had our struggles as a couple and i know that one day we will have our sh#t together enough for my angels to decide to come back.

I beleive that my friends mother (who has passed) was there waiting for my little boy. My friend was with me when i went in to be induced and they sent us to the wrong waiting room, i waited there for about 10 mins before someone came to get me, and my friend was off getting me a drink- when she saw where i had been she started crying- it was the waiting room she spent hours in while her mum was dying.... dont know why i was sent there in the first place.....

i tend to look at it as not that it "wasn't to be" but that it was just meant to be as it was and there is/are reasons behind everything.
There are so many little things that happened with my last loss that i know things could have gone either way- but they went this way for a reason (i think i was meant to find BB before i tried again too) If i hadn't have lost her i would nevr have found out had Anticardio lipin antibodies and i may have tried for another baby right away and lost again- who knows. I am just always looking for the good that comes from the bad. I have a little philosophy i tell myself.......

Without knowing the worst of the worst- you can never fully appriciate the best of the best.

I hope one day we are all reuntied with our darling angels at some point in our lives... I'm counting on it!!!

StarBright
xoxox

[scooby]

Starbright i really take my hat off to you, i think it is fantastic that you have been through so much and have such a great out look. I totally agree with your philosophy. I think to an extent that is maybe why i had this ectopic, i fell pregs so easy with my son (first try) and now im 2.5 years in trying for number 2 its made me appreciate him and how lucky we were, but i must say i am aching for my #2. I am 1 week post op and i am finding it so hard now, i try to stay postive most of the time, but my breakdowns have been much more frequent than when i first had the surgery. i have someone helping me with some homoeopathics and i took the first one the other day and since then i have been crying and getting really down alot. maybe its all just coming out, the first week i was in so much pain, it hurt to cry as well Its so bad i find myself giving evil looks to pregnant women (not good!!!!) and we had a family picnic at my husbands work and it was quite uncanny that everyone there had 2+ childern, it was so difficult. I think its quite funny that when you have had some hurt or pain you seem to get confronted with it more often or maybe its just your more aware, who knows. Well i'm sorry for my big rant, i'll get there and it helps just getting it out sometimes, so thanks for listening to everyone.

[Willow]

I've heard this theory before but I can't 100% convince myself that it could be true for one reason - if I choose to believe that my angel is coming back to me as this baby I am about to have, and I am wrong, am I forsaking my real angel who is in heaven, or wherever s/he may be watching over me and waiting for me?

OK, I haven't explained that very well so I hope you understand what I mean.

I want to believe that it is true because we all know the anguish of having a baby who is not with us.

My due dates for my angel and this baby are 1 year and 10 days apart. I was terrified in the beginning that I could have this baby on my angel's due date and it would be a bad omen. But sometimes I find myself thinking (and I would never admit this anywhere else) that if it happens (and it's not likely at this point) then I'll know it's a sign that my angel has come back to me.

Seven years later our daughter was born and I believe that what they said is true...

Flea - can I ask what made you believe this?

[scooby]

Hi willow
i totally understand what you are saying and i never would say " no my way of thinking is the right way", i think we all just do, say, think what ever we have to, to get through our pain, I am the biggest believer in things happen for a reason, BUT if someone said that to me right now i would probably deck them My husband even said the old "thankful we have one son" the other night and i balled my eyes out and answered " so i shouldnt be allowed another one So you can see how " spirtual" i'm feelin at the moment !!!! I just knoe its what i hope for , that one day my angel will come back to me and you have to do what feels right for you. I am sure you cant wait to meet your new bub you havent got long to go although i remember those last few weeks get a bit tiresome, i was 2 weeks overdue and in the end i just wanted him out. Take care and big hugs Scoobs

[julie_f]

Hi Willow,
I feel the same as you. I like to believe our angel baby is in heaven. And at the moment I'm just too heart broken to even consider TTC again, and am not sure if I can chance going through another loss like that again. I also believe that if our baby was meant to die so early, God gave the baby to us so he/she could receive a life-time of love in just a few weeks, and I know we loved that baby more than a life-times worth, and still continue to do so. And I do agree Scooby, we all just have to believe whatever gets us through. I'm really sorry if I havent worded it all correctly and that offends any of u, that wasnt my intention
All the best for your precious baby, Willow. Let me know how u go - I need some happy news!
Julie. x

[Tobily]

Flea - can I ask what made you believe this?

Sure you can Willow

When I was pregnant with my first baby that I lost I dreamt a couple of times of a little girl standing in the back yard of my mothers house. The night before I had the scan that told us our baby had died (it was a missed miscarraige) I dreamt that I was knitting a pink baby jumper and as fast as I knitted it kept unravelling.

After we lost the baby I never had the dream about the little girl again. Until I got pregnant with DD. The second I looked at the positive pregnancy I just KNEW we were having a girl, I can't explain it. Then for the first time in 7 years, I dreamt of the little girl standing in my mother's backyard. I just knew it was her.

It's such an intangible thing and really hard to put into words, but it's just this strong feeling I have, that I've always had ever since I first got my bfp with DD

[Willow]

Girls I totally understand everything you have said. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this sort of grief, we all do whatever we can to find the most comfort.

For a long time I could not accept that 'things happen for a reason' or 'it wasn't meant to be'. My story is that I had some medical issues going on when I fell prg with our angel. One dr had told me not to fall prg, but another told me it was fine. I chose the medical opinion that suited me because I wanted another baby so badly. The fact that I fell prg at all was a minor miracle considering what was happening. I could not accept that this baby had been given to me only to be taken away.

I remember when I found out I was prg (and by this time we knew the extent of my medical condition) calling my mum in tears, I was so scared for our angel right from the beginning. She said to me "Do you really think God would give you this baby just to take it away again?" and I said "Mum, what if he does?" and that's exactly what happened....

I don't understand what lesson/s I was supposed to learn from it - through this whole ordeal I've learnt that I am strong enough to withstand the worst that life can throw at me, although at times I nearly fell apart completely. Not only did we lose our angel but due to surgeries that followed we were unable to fall prg again and had to go through IVF to have this baby. All I ever wanted was to be a mum. It was the hardest 18 months of my life. But I still can't see the clear message here - maybe not to push for what I want when circumstances aren't right? To learn to let things take their natural course and to have patience? To appreciate and love my DD whole heartedly for the gift that she is? I don't know. It seems like too harsh a lesson to learn.

Sometimes I think that our angel was taken from us to save us from some worse heartbreak further along in my prg - maybe taken until my body was ready to carry another baby?? I just don't know.

Maybe once this baby arrives and all of my fears and anxieties are not so extreme I will be able to see it.

For now I just pray that this baby will be born safely into my arms and maybe that will go a fair way to mending my broken heart.

I will say to you all though - don't give up trying to have another baby. I had days when I thought I would never be blessed again and although it didn't happen the way I'd have liked it too, it did happen and I now have this beautiful baby growing inside me - a little miracle. I have been given another chance.

I will let you know how we go...keep your eye out for our birth announcement!!

**ETA: Flea, I missed your post. Wow, I can't blame you then, I'd feel the same way!! It's funny though, we didn't find out if our angel was a boy or a girl but I have this feeling that I just 'know' she was a girl. Thank you for sharing that with us.