Girls,
I am so glad that i found this place and all of you because to be honest I really don't think i'd be coping too well without you!I have absolutely loved reading all your posts,they give so much hope and comfort...although Lynn,that quote made me totally bawl my eyes out...which is probably a good thing,we need to get it out and let it go!
I come from a christian background and although i'm not one for going to mass etc i do have faith and belief in God or a higher power. I have battled with "WHY" this has happened to me since I was diagnosed with fertility problems 12 years ago. I am always searching for the lesson,what am I being taught by all this...is there a reason that I had to go through this pain and sadness and am I just not getting it? When I was a teenager i had baby brothers and my Mum belived that we all helped out with night feeds etc and i used to vow that i would never have kids,they were too much work. When I eventually found out that I couldn't have them,my words came back to haunt me...so was that my lesson? I struggle with the fact that i'm a good kind loving person,so why do I deserve this? Is there something I should be doing,should I be helping others with similar problems? Or do i just need to long for my children more than anything else in this world?

I feel like I let my lost babies down,that I didn't tell them enough how much they were loved and wanted....believe me I've been telling them every day since.I bought a white rose and planted it in a beautiful pot on my patio,just under my kitchen window...it's a reminder every day of what could have been. I like to think that they are spirit babies watching over me but i just can't help feeling it's the wrong way around...I am their Mummy,it was my job to watch over and nourish them. I pray i'll be given a second chance some day soon!

Scoobs....ona personal note...hope you're doing ok darlin,have been thinking of you.BTW.....can you believe this....I was born in Belfast!!!! I lived there until 4 but was raised in the west of Ireland,but NI is still home,where all the extended family are! Small world eh/..... it's a village!

hugs and love to all,
Claire