SpecialK, I am so sorry for your loss and you and your DH need to grieve and look after each other. Unless you have lived through this people just don't understand. As you say, you had started planning the future with this new baby and the carpet has been ripped out from under you. Each time I fall pregnant I do the same thing, you start to plan, make arrangements and then come crashing down. You will get through this, spend some time here, we understand, we get it because we have all been there.
Don't let others tell you how to deal with your grief instead may be tell them how to deal with it. Please step into my shoes and live this, try, if you want to, make them understand how much planning you had started.
take care of you most of all and do all the grieving you need.