Dearest Nicki, my heart goes out to you, I'm so so sorry that you have to go through this.
I've been there and there is nothing anyone can say that will make it better.
As wonderful as people are and as supportive as your husband is, you just don't know what its like till it happens to you.
I planted a rose for my twins as my special thing and am planning a tattoo at some stage.
Just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve, it's so important, don't let people tell you it wasn't meant to be or its just one of those things. It is a loss of a person, dreams and plans, don't let anyone dismiss it.
It will take time but it will get a little easier. You will never forget, I'm bawling eight years on, tears for you and me and the many women who endure this. Takecare Sweetie