I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in December. I thought id be better by now, but i feel like i am getting worse. whats making it worse is that my sister in law announced she is pregnant the week of my miscarriage.
This really put my recovery backwards. I a really struggling to talk to her or even hear about her pregnancy. She is at 16 weeks, which means i would have been at 18 weeks now. I feel that i will continue to compare her progression with what i would have had and this is making me miserable. As others have said, i have become really obsessed with anything baby related. I burst into tears when i see a newborn in coffee shops. I also feel that i am too depressed to have any interest in TTC, although i desperately want to be pregnant more that anything else in the world. I dont know what to do. I hope someone can help.
Hi Tina
It's been only 2weeks yesterday since i miscarried at 11weeks 5days...and my heart is still broken. my bestfriend is 4months pregnant which was 2weeks ahead of me, i find it hard but i don't begrudge her for a moment and pray that everything is alright for her. however i do understand what you mean as it will be a constant reminder. i don't know how to help you...but i have to decided i need to be 100% healthy in mind and body for our next baby...and like you i want it so bad but am so scared of what could happen again..i went shopping today and there seemed to be baby stuff everywhere..we can't avoid it...but only we can look after ourselves mentally and physically. i have found this site to be very comforting..we aren't alone in what we are going through and unfortunately we won't be the last..
sorry i can't help you much but i just wanted you to know i feel your pain...and our angel babes will always be in our hearts.
take care.
Tina - i'm so sorry to hear of your angel baby and the predicament you find yourself in with your SIL's pregnancy. it's hard enought dealing with loss at any time, but dealing with your own grief when someone in your close "circle" bears a constant reminder for you just makes it all the harder
i don't believe you're "obsessed with everything baby" as people have told you - in all honesty, i think the people who've said that to you are insensitive and need to really take a good hard look at themselves and the kind of people they are! you've lost something precious to you. simply put. have they never lost a loved one? grieved someone they loved and had a bond with?
losing an angel baby is NOT something you can just "get over" - there is no set time frame to deal with your grief. your loss will be a part of you for your entire life - the same as losing a parent or sibling - it impacts WHO you are and HOW you interact with others - it truly changes you. don't feel like you need to just get over it and move on. obviously, right now, your grief is still very strong and you know in your own heart that you're not ready to try again just yet - and only YOU will know when you're ready to try again. take this time to come to terms with what you have been through, and also address the fears you have about trying again. i would suggest perhaps talking to someone about what you're feeling - SANDS or beyond blue might be able to offer some help - i went to a psychologist i was able to access through work, and talk out my issues. it helped a massive amount...
as for your SIL - i don't know how close you are - so i can only suggest that, if you're close, make an opportunity to talk to her about how you're feeling. explain that it's nothing to do with making things uncomfortable for her, but that you're struggling following your loss - that you're happy for her, and with her every happiness - but that you might withdraw a little as her pregnancy progresses as a way of protecting your own heart
huge hugs hun - hoping you're able to start moving forward in the near future, and that you have a very short and successful TTC journey in the near future
I wish I could tell you that you'll be better really soon, but you probably won't hun. It's been nearly 2 years since I lost my baby, I've had another baby since and I'm still not 'over it'. In fact, since having my DS I've found a lot of the grief has come back to the surface and I'm actually now in counselling to help me deal with it and the impact it's had on my parenting.
Having someone so close to you who's pregnancy you would have shared makes it almost impossible not to think about it. I can tell you though that while the remainder of her pregnancy will be VERY hard, once her baby is born and your own due date passes, at least the 'I would be 20 weeks', 'I would be 32 weeks', 'my baby would be due next week' thoughts will stop and in a way it gave me some closure.
If you feel like your grief is consuming most of your life, I would strongly suggest some counselling. I really, really wish I'd done it at the time and not left it until now to get some help in dealing with my feelings of loss. I ended up a bit of a mess, very depressed and started isolating myself from the people in my life that were most important. It was a really awful time in my life and I wish I'd just asked for some help.
I would also encourage you to come here to BB and talk as much as you need - the girls here really helped me keep my head above water when I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone else.
I too am so sorry for you loss and know where you are coming from. With all three of my angels there has been one of my friends that was due around the same time. All four of these children (one set of twins) are a constant reminder of what might have been. As has been said you never get over it but you do get better at coping with it. Only you will know when the time is right to try again. You must take care of you and grieve in whatever way you need.
You will find everyone here really supportive and please know that there are many of us that have been where you are now.
thanks girls for all your feedback. Its nice to know that there are others out there that know how i feel. I have just moved to Melbourne, and i dont know a single person here, so its making it even harder for me because i have no one to talk to, and i feel so alone.
i really pray that we get PG again soon, as i feel that this is the only way that i will start to feel better...fingers crossed
tina - there are threads dedicated to people in victoria where you might be able to find people in your area. i know there are lots of ladies in Melbourne. feel free to post in the vic threads and maybe see if you can find some people to talk to that are local to you - if they can't actually meet up with you, they might know of activities in your area that you can get involved in...
it WILL take time to find a place where you're comfortable - you've been through a traumatic experience hun - always remember there are ladies on BB that you can talk to any time....
Oh Tina, the pain you feel is etched in the hearts of many women and it is a pain you cannot describe to someone who hasnt been there.
After my first miscarriage i found a huge amount of support and encouragement from a group called SANDS. I would sit in the nursery for hours just holding clothes i had bought for the baby and i wouldnt leave, my DH had to literally drag me out of there. I found it hard to talk to people, especially if they had not experienced the pain i was feeling. I also had to deal with people who didnt see my loss as anything overly sad because to them it wasnt a real baby yet.
It took many months before i could walk down the street without crying everytime i saw a pregnant woman or baby.
Today is the due date of my second angel baby and i hope you dont mind but by talking to other people and maybe helping them abit, im dulling the ache i feel in my heart today.
Its such a hard journey to travel, and everyone deals differently with their loss. I have managed to live with a pregnant girl for the past few months without it causing me too much grief, even though i only lost my second angel last July, but i think its because i have grown from the experience of my first loss, and i have coped much better this time.
i live in Balwyn, which i think is in the Eastern Suburbs (??) im not sure, ive only been here a few weeks and dont know my way around yet! would love to meet some Melbourne girls...
thank you for your kind words. Im sorry to hear that it was to be your due date today. I cant imagine how hard that would be.
Im still struggling with milestones, (both mine and my SIL's who is 2 weeks behind where i would have been)..
I sat in a coffee shop and cried yesterday when a lady with a newborn sat down next to me. I so desperatenly wanted to hold it!
my BF is also due tomorrow, just to add to things. Im not sure how ill go when i get to hold her little guy for the first time. She has been very supportive, and so im sure she'll understand if im a bit emotional.
im so happy to hear that you are doing better the second time round.
hugs to you, today is almost over, and then there will be no more milestones, so hopefully you will get better day by day.
Are you TTC again?
had an especially bad day today. I had to go and buy a present for my bf who is due today. Went into a few baby stores and got teary looking at all the gorgeous tiny people clothes. i managed to buy something, and have come home and i just want to hold the little things and cry
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when will it get better
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