Hi Tillys mum

i hope you and your hubby got through yesterday ok.. it was a tough weekend for us.. our first fathers day with no one to jump on the bed and scribble on the card! i organised for us to go away for the weekend - to get away from the non-stop fathers day reminders.. it was nice even though it rained the whole time we were away!

everything you say rings so close to home...i know what you mean about counting the weeks it should be.. but i have decided that i am no longer going to do that.. i also now think of the day matilda was born as her birthday and try not to think about the due date.. i have a blood condition so our bubby was more than likely going to come earlier that her due date..

i was looking forward to having a year off and starting my own business with the intention of working from home and looking after the kids in the future.. we were in the midst of having the laundry renovated so we had somewhere to bath matilda.. we have a room full of baby things that are still in their packaging.. most of all we and the entire family were looking forward to having a little rug rat for christmas.. all plans that have disappeared into the thin air...

i dont know if your the crafty type - im not very good at that stuff, but while i was at home i made a memory box for matilda.. i picked out some nice pink butterfly paper at the craft shop and covered the box in it.. then my partner and i picked out a few special things we had bought for her over the pregnancy and put them in the box.. which now sits in our wardrobe.. and is there when ever we need to remember or vent.. i know you didnt get the chance to buy anything girly for your tilly but maybe if you make a memory box and go out and buy your tilly a nice dress or some special things it will make you feel less sad about never getting the chance to buy her anything like that.? just a thought..

i too want to get pregnant again - and soon.. not to replace matilda but because i promised her i wouldnt let her death be in vain.. i am going to learn as much as i can about what went wrong and try to prevent it happening again.. in saying that - i am terrified of the same thing happening again but we want a family so much that i am willing to try again.. on the up side, aunt flo has returned this week which means we can think about TTC again..

i hope you are feeling a little bit better today

lana