Anybody out there? I know we dont have a diagnosis yet so I dont really belong here but we're really struggling

I'm trying to start researching where to from here, what the journey will entail... anything to keep me busy and feel like I'm a fit parent for the job. My H and I have been fighting, which we dont normally do. We can't seem to understand each other and we're both sad and confused. Today when my son had a head butting breakdown I was more aware of the problems he's having and I just start crying. The blinkers have come off. The hope that he'll start speaking like other children his age any day now is gone. I'm realising all the symptoms he has... they are all coming together now rather than just individual personality traits.

I'm so scared and sad. I want to be able to talk to my son one day. Im grieving the parenting journey I thought I was going to have. I want why questions. I want magical fairytales and fairies in the garden. I hope so, so much that when we start therapy with him he develops in leaps and bounds. Please

Anyone feel like sharing how they felt in these early days? What helped? How time (and hopefully progress) has changed things?