We had some people over at our place for a Christmas get together. DS was about 6 or 7 weeks old. One couple had 2 boys, the other couple had 3 kids.

Tried to put DS down for his nap (we were rocking off to sleep) but he wouldn't sleep. This pattern had been starting to emerge and I hadn't yet figured out that my diet was affecting my breastmilk. So I brought him back downstairs saying that he wouldn't settle, he knew something different was going on, and I was told by these experienced parents that I should just leave him up there to cry...he had to learn. DH then said triumphantly "I've been TELLING her to do that but she won't listen to him cry! See, I told you!" One of them said "yes it's hard, but you have to do it."

So I said okay and went upstairs, put DS in his cot and left. Of course he started crying. I came back downstairs and was told I was doing the right thing. I could still hear him crying and I went to go back upstairs to check on him. I was told "no, he has to learn" but I went up anyway and stood outside his door, I didn't know what to do. DH followed me up and made me come back downstairs.

Another couple of minutes went by and I just burst into hysterical tears and started saying frantically "I can't do it! I can't do it!" I felt so weak and felt like they were all judging me. Tears flooding down my face I rushed off and got DS and promised him I would never do that again. One of the girls was really nice then and comforted me and said that this is what she had done but that with mothering I had to do what was in my heart and if I didn't want to that was okay. She said that they were worried that they had said too much.

It ruined the entire day and I still get tears in my eyes thinking about how inadequate I felt and that I was ganged up on by everyone, including DH, for the way I was doing things. I could tell that they thought I was weak for "giving in" to DS.

Of course I listened to them, they had 5 kids between them and I had only been a mum for about 6 weeks. I was exhausted and desperate for some rest and me-time, and having 5 people tell me what I was doing was wrong...what chance did I have of knowing to stand my ground at that point?