The wonderful women before me have offered you lots of advice and, as it's been a long time since I have had a newborn in the house, I wont add anything other than to say this.....

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE

I underlined it because I cannot say it emphatically enough.

Even though you say you "are not the counselling type" I urge you to ring the hospital counsellor to make an appointment to see him/her. From reading your post there are a lot of things which are weighing heavily on your mind about the birth. With your little one being so unsettled, compounded by a lack of sleep, this is not going to go away quickly. And, honestly sweetie, the loss of your precious little Shelby probably is adding a lot of pressure to the situation. Even if you are not aware of it. You REALLY need to work with someone who is a professional in this area.

Please, please, please ring the counsellor right now. You dont need to feel like this. You deserve better and there is help available.

This too shall pass x

In the meantime, this old chook would like to give you one of these

Take care xxx

n2l