Nope I'm not pregnant!! I'm just having a bit of a stress & want to see if I'm normal or a complete nutcase for thinking these things. I really really want to have more children than Zander - I had 3 siblings & loved being a part of a big family, but I am so worried about the whole thing.

Firstly, I'm worried that Zander will hate us because we won't have as much time to be with him as we do now. I don't want him to feel like he's second best because we need to spend more time with a newborn. We were thinking of TTC again soon, so in theory he'd still be too little to understand what's going on.

I also worry that Zander will be my favourite & I won't be able to help it. He'll be my first experience with everything, so I'm thinking that maybe everything isn't going to be as exciting and special with another baby. Or that because of the above reason I'll try to compensate for not being as available & the new baby will think that we love Zander more.

I'm petrified of the actual birth. I've made the decision that I won't be trying for a natural birth this time. After the experience I had with Zander's birth, I would go into it scared that the same would happen & it turn into a self fulfilling prophecy (stress & being scared is known to slow/halt labour as far as I know). Now I'm happy with my decision, but I am terrified of the whole c/s thing. Last time it was a case of I wanted them to do *something* to get me out of pain & if it meant chopping my left arm off I would have said go ahead! This time I'll be going into it knowing that I'm going to be cut open & that really freaks me out.

Also, how am I going to cope with 2 babies??? Zander sleeps alright, but he doesn't sleep through every night & I don't know how I'd deal with both a newborn & Zander waking through the night.

We had spoken about TTC from December, but I couldn't do it. I'm just too scared. Now we are talking about April, once Zander has turned one. As it gets closer I get more & more worried about everything. I just don't know if I should wait longer so I can get these feelings all sorted out (on some level I know I'm being silly) or just jump in the deep end & know that everything will sort itself out.

I think that's it for the moment