Yep been there too. Always wanted more than one child but the day we started trying for our 2nd I cried and felt so guilty, wondering if I could love another just as much etc.

Oh but when he arrived my love just grew. I have an amzing relationship with my 1st born but I also have just as amzing relationship with DS. I love them equally. They are 20mths apart.

Can't help you with the fear of a c/s, it's only natural to wonder what it's all going to be like. My 1st labour was no picnic. I'd run labour day over in my head constantly and worry myself stupid of scenarios and he came out without a hassle. (all that worrying for nothing)

Pregnancy went faster as I had DD to run after. She did not walk until 17 months which I found very hard.

Sleeping, DS decided to take 6 months b4 he started sleeping through which I found very tiring and DD still had a dummy so when that fell out we'd be getting up for her. I'll admit it's tough somedays, but now I don't hear a whimper from DS at all, he doesn't even cry out. You'll go on overdrive. Zander may still be waking up now but in 9 months time (if you fell pg today), he may not wake through the night.

As for Zander hating you b/c there wont be as much time spent, the only thing I can suggest is to involve him in everything ( as much as you can) leading up to the baby and when the baby arrives. My DD is such a little mother and does everything for her brother, she loves being involved and I never really got any jealousy. It may differ with little boys though.

Keep in mind that TTC another bub should be a fun thing not full of worry and anxiety! When I worry about things like this I think of my mother that had 5 of us under 8 years and she loves us all to bits and equally.

"There is always enough room and love for 1 more" as my grandmother would say who came from a family of 13..... eeeek!

Good luck!