thanku so much for that reply Melanie... i am thinking this thru, somewhat ahead as i said, dont even have AF back yet... i think thats my problem- being torn... thats why i started this thread, as its keeping me awake most nights... and i just keep going round in circles... but talking about it has given me some other angles to reassess... i know to some it may seem i am thinking too much, but its what i need to do to feel at peace... i mean i cant wait to have another bub, i cant wait to be pregnant, and am SOOOO excited about labour and birth and i cant wait to give Eden a sibling... its just all the other bits.... o Gawd here goes the circle again.... As of today we are waiting a while longer.. Eden is so sweet and also a terror who has me on my toes... so ill be in this moment for now... and continue loving every second of it. Thanks again to everyone for ur replies.
xoox