Oh sweetheart I could have written your post myself. It is so, so hard coping with a baby that cries/screams all day. Really hard. And you have thoughts that you never thought you would have, and that you're convinced no-one else in the world has ever thought about their baby.

My son, Jambin, was unsettled from birth. I had a friend who gave birth 2 weeks before I did - when I went to visit her in the hospital, she passed her daughter around for cuddles, and her daughter stayed asleep the whole time, or was happy to sit there in other people's arms. Jambin just wasn't like that - he didn't like being passed around, woke up the very second we touched him, needed constant settling and soothing. I had expected a newborn baby to sleep a lot - but Jambin didn't. People had told me to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' .... well, Jambin didn't sleep during the day, except for 5 mins here and there in my arms, so sleeping when he slept was out of the question.

By the time he was 5 weeks old, he started screaming for hours and hours and hours on end. One day, he screamed for 12 hours continuously. I was totally distraught. I honestly believed that I couldn't cope - DH asked me what did I mean by that ... what other option did I have? And I don't know what I thought the alternative was, but I honestly thought that I couldn't survive. I could not perceive of a future where I would be enjoying my son. My whole world was consumed with a screaming, unsettled, unhappy infant. Before Jambin was born, I had anticipated that he would cry ... but I never anticipated that he would cry every single waking moment. I never anticipated that he would never have any happy, awake time. I spent weeks crying, screaming. I was so depressed. I was so panicked at the thought that this was my life now. I would text my DH and say to him 'this is the biggest mistake of my life. You have to make this go away'. I tried to think of ways to fix the problem ... I thought maybe we could adopt him out, and I could go back to being childless. I went through fertility treatment including IVF to conceive my son, so the fact that I was contemplating adopting him to another family shows how bad things got.

Having him diagnosed with reflux was the start of things improving. His medication helped. It hasn't solved the problem entirely, but it has helped. Keep going back to your Dr if the losec isn't working. They might increase the dosage, or try something else.

HANG IN THERE! I know it seems like you can't possibly keep going for another day, let alone months, but don't think that far ahead. Just make it your goal to cope with one day at a time. Structure your day. Even if he cries, it's so important that you're not stuck in one room all day listening to his cries. Go for a walk, visit a friend, go and sit in your garden, go to the corner store to buy milk, put him in the bouncinette and do laundry, have a bath with him, play music and sing to him, read him stories. Even if he's crying, at least you have gotten some variety. I found it so important to structure my days. I made sure I had something outside of the house planned for every single day (and I still do this ... it's my way of coping). It didn't matter if he cried - the crying seems to be so much worse if you stay in the same room all day with him with no other stimulation. I also found that my son cried less out in shopping centres - it seemed that the stimulation of looking at things and the car trip soothed him. I visited friends with babies - even if he cried I found that I was more relaxed (or I had to pretend that I was relaxed, as I was with friends, and in the pretending, it helped me to feel more relaxed).

When the MCHN asked me how I was going, I didn't preface my statement with 'oh, not too bad'. I said 'I am not coping. I need help.'

I started taking anti-depressants 3 weeks ago, and I think it's only been the last 1-2 weeks where I can honestly say that I enjoy my son, I enjoy having him around, I like being with him. Before now, I just wanted to cope. I promise you it does get better. But I know it probably doesn't seem like it at the moment. Please keep coming back here and posting ... tell us how you're getting on ... vent ... I understand