What did YOUR parents do that helped you after the birth?

[Rosebud]

No help from my parents either I just wished they did for me what they did for my siblings and SIL. Meals, shopping & house cleaning

I only just recently confronted them about this and their answer was "we thought you were ok" Yeh right! DS born 15 weeks early, trips to the hospital up to 4 times/day, expressing every 3 hours meanwhile trying to be a mum to 2 other children, a wife and keeping a small business afloat. 106 days of riding the NICU/SCN rollercoaster and not one inch of help from parents that lived 20 mins away.....Sorry for the vent!

Note to Grandparents:- Please don't assume everything is ok. Even the strongest person at sometime in their life may need a little help and sometimes a little help goes a long way.

[Livinthedream]

note to grandparents:- please don't assume everything is ok. Even the strongest person at sometime in their life may need a little help and sometimes a little help goes a long way.

yes this.

[Artechim]

Even a text message to see how we were doing would have been nice.

[Roryrory]

I think the best thing any parent can do is be EXTREMELY positive. Say nothing but lovely things - you're doing a great job, you are a great mum, your baby is lucky to have such great parents, you have chosen such a lovely pram, etc etc. Be supportive, bite your tongue if you don't approve, etc.

[~Trish~]

My mum was awesome, she brought food over and cleaned my floors and did the ironing. She was so encouraging and happy to help in any way she could. Even just being on the other end of the phone while I cried was a great help.

[Mirandabelle]

Ignored my "No, it's fine and all under control" reply and got up and did the dishes anyway! (But I'm terrible at accepting/asking for help, and MIL knew it.)

[purplepixie1978]

Parents live 5 hours away, so plenty of space given... but it would have been awesome if my mum had accepted that things have changed since I came into the world and I don't have to parent the way she did.

[Jellybean29]

My Mum stayed in our spare room the first 2 weeks, she got up when I did for 3am feeds and helped me with breastfeeding, especially attachment, calmed me down when I was getting frustrated, helped settle bubs. Biggest help was her encouraging me to continue breastfeeding and to not be afraid to take bubs off if he was not attached properly and to try again. I don't think I would of continued breastfeeding without her support!

She also cooked, cleaned, washed and did the groceries!

[Roryrory]

BBBurton your mum sounds like a star

[Floweryfields]

Oh it makes me sad for those of you who wanted parents to care and they didn't.

[samm]

My parents were fantastic. Mum would come around with home cooked meals, allowed me to have a sleep for a few hours between feeds tucked up in their bed whilst looking after my daughter, took bubs for a walk while i have a 20 minute massage to get all the muscles relaxed and a bit of me time and gave me lots of cuddles when i looked like i needed one.Mum was never in the way just fluttered in and out to give us time to settle in just the 2 of us. Now that i am back at work FT, my parents look after her everyday.
My Dad has filled in as the predominent male in my daughters life and always has spent time telling Ruby stories and now she is older teaching her the timestables at 2yrs old.

I am blessed to have such wonderful supportive parents.

[Just Me]

My Mum was a bit shell shocked and scared about stepping on our toes when we had our first baby so only came over if we invited her, though she did cook and freeze a few meals for us. She wanted to be there but I think she was worried ... she came whenever I rang and asked for help.

For my last baby, there was a possibility I would need a c/section but I had three toddlers and DH could only get 2 weeks off work. My mum organised 10 weeks of service leave starting the week before my c/section. She came over the night before I had to go in and cooked dinner and looked after our kids while we went out to dinner. She then moved pretty much moved in on the morning of my c/section and was here until I came home from hospital so she could care for our kids and DH didn't have to worry.

Mum pretty much left us alone then for a couple of weeks except for dropping a couple of meals around for us. Then when DH went back to work, Mum came here every morning, cooked, cleaned, did washing and looked after my three eldest kids all day while I just took care of our baby. She drove me whereever I needed to go including playgroup and mothers' group and she looked after my older kids while I spent time with friends. I still find it amazing that my mum did that for us. I was missing my independence by the six week mark, but I love what my mum did. It also took a lot of pressure off DH and he felt okay going to work because he didn't have to worry about me and the kids.

Other things my mum has done for us:
- She set up her house with everything that we need so we don't have to take anything when we visit her.
- She always changes the kids' nappies whenever she is around. It is so lovely because I am so over dirty nappies and it really doesn't seem to bother her. I really appreciate that she gives me a break from this job whenever she is there.

I'm sure I've got a few more things that I could list here but those are just a few to start with ...

[Plinky]

My mum lives in UK, so wasn't around when DS was first born. My dad I guess didn't know or think that I might need help, and I guess I was too embarrassed to ask for it. My MIL was in hospital fighting a Leukaemia relapse, and my FIL had enough on his plate to deal with, with that. DH was also visiting his mum heaps (of course), but it made me feel like I couldn't lean on him emotionally. So we were pretty much left to our own devices. It was a very tough time, I do wonder if things were different maybe I would have coped better with a baby in general.

So very jealous of those who have had such great support, but I'm certainly sure I'm going to do everything I can if my sis or kids ever have a baby.

[raffy]

My mum was visiting from WA so she was staying in the house with us, in the morning I would walk in and give DS to her while df and I showered and they had a cuddle, then during the day she would let me sleep and only wake me when DS was hungry, she also cooked and cleaned which helped so much as having a messy house does my head in, she didn't smother us with 'help' and advice, and only gave when I asked, and having her there when the baby blues hit was great coz sh understood, poor df didn't no what was happening, she was pretty much perfect

[Nai]

I agree with the support and encouragement too - my mum has never once said anything negative about the way I parent. She has offered suggestions about what to do with certain things but she is a retired primary school teacher and has a lot of experience with different behaviours and she still keeps herself up to date with current practices so whenever any new studies are done she will read them.

MIL on the other hand, while sort of supportive did make some bad comments early on (eg. your milk isn't enough for DD1). DP laid down the law though and she never said anything again. She has said since that she was wrong and that we are doing a wonderful job raising our girls

[MrsFabuloso]

Not alot really. Mum cooked some meals occaisionally, she came over once or twice to help me with house work. That's about it really. I suffered with PND and really needed help. I made no secret of how much I struggled with not sleeping and my house being like a bomb site. Considering she lived a 5min drive up the street and is retired and doesn't do alot, plus she had my two brothers 16mths apart like my first two were and often told me she knows how things are (so should have known how tough things can be) I thought she'd be alot more help. My dad lived 2 hours away so I didn't expect alot of him, though a visit occaisionally when he came to town would have been nice. I was and still am so disappointed, especially with my mum, I thought she'd be a much more hands on grandmother and mother to me since I have had children.
But then why would things change just because I've had children?

[Manhattan]

Everything, lol

I was a complete mess after the birth of DD. My mum cooked, cleaned, did our washing, watched DD while I had some alone time, made sure I actually ate and showered. She was amazing, and never once batted an eyelid. She was just helping her own daughter in need.

I think the best thing they can do is respond to your needs/situation. If its space you need, then they can give that, if you need help, then offer that.

[kiwimummy]

My mum did most of those - made meals, did washing, took DS out. But - the best thing she did was support me breastfeeding, telling me I could do it and answering millions of questions I had (hard for a grandparent that didn't BF themselves), she even stayed the night and helped me through painful night feeds.
I love my Mum!