its hard to say because our instincts are to nurture them when they need it, but in this case your sister may have reasons, such as her health, not to do it to much. She may not be physically coping with a child who constantly needs to be held. I had a friend who had a very clingy baby and he was like that up until he was about 4yrs old. She couldnt even go to the toilet without him hanging onto her so its not always something they grow out of in the first year or two....sometimes it drags on for years.
First and foremost i would want my rights to decide how to parent my kids be respected and observed. So just consider if you do go contrary to what she's asked, she may be reluctant to ask you next time. She's probably worked really hard to get him to settle without being held, so if you do start picking him up to settle, its going to be more work for her when she's out of hospital and you have to ask if she really needs that at such a time. You could ask your sister what she does in compensation of being carried around...maybe she's found something else that comforts him that he enjoys. If not, maybe you can try something different with him like a comfort teddy or pillow to hold.
I understand your sister's perspective, but I think right now you need to do whatever is going to be easiest on your nephew - no doubt he'll need lots of cuddles and reassurance. If you end up looking after him for some time then once he's a bit more settled in the new arrangmenet you could try other ways to settle and see how you go. You can't actually ruin kids with cuddles and they do learn to do things differently with different people.
Thanks for all your responses ladies - I've also had multiple offers from the girls in WA for carriers, I'm constantly amazed by how lovely the people are on BB!!
You've all pretty much confirmed what I was thinking, I just needed the validation I guess! I'm especially liking the suggestions to give him all the cuddles he wants while he adjust, and then try to draw them out, I think that's what she would be happy with. Although I'm gonna hafta prepare myself that BIL will no doubt abuse me and say I ruined their baby, but I'll know I did the right thing, and at 2am, thats all that counts!
i'm a bit late but agree with the others who've suggested cuddles to adjust but then maybe space them out a little. it's so hard because when i leave DS, i want to be sure that the person respects our wishes as parents but at the same time, i want the time they're looking after DS to be as easy on them as a carer as possible. we're lucky because DP's mum thinks the same way as we do but i have noticed that DP's SIL has complained that after a visit to grandma that they're DS won't sleep by himself because he's been held.
but yeah - at 2am, you need to do whatever works to keep the balance of your household!
I would try.....i stress try....to do more or less what his Mummy and daddy do but if being away from his parents requires him to be held and cuddled.......that's what it takes then. I was nearly going to say 'house rules' but remembered I have an issue about things my MIL does with my boys which erks me!
When I disagree with how I'm raising my child with someone, I remember he is MY child and if someone wants to do something I believe is detrimental to my son, I do not leave him with them.
Cuddling isn't detrimental, but if you're cuddling because you want to rather than because baby needs it - and against parental wishes, then I won't stick up for you. I know you want to do what you believe is best, but I believe cuddling is best and a friend of mine swears by CIO. I just don't let her babysit!
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