When you had a baby- what you expected Vs Reality!

[SSmiles]

I knew it would be hard but I thought that I would be able to go out into the vegie patch and have bubs asleep in his basinette covered & safe while I pottered away...not possible with a reflux bub that cried non stop... I also thought we could travel easier...again wrong... And I too, had the dream that we would lay together and cuddle up for a sleep (that's never happened)... But the good times definitely outweigh the bad things.

[pansy]

I thought that because I would be a SAHM that I would have a clean and tidy house,Exercise everyday and have yummy cooked dinners every night.

Boy was I wrong only now have I started to exercise MOST days my house is clean but not always tidy and I do cook yummy meals every night.

[Bathsheba]

How true about bashing dachlostar! My DD gave me the kind of black eye you often see on footy players simply because we were sharing a pillow (my face was toward the back of her head) and all of a sudden she decided to arch her back to flip over and BAM! I saw stars! It hurt sooo much and what was worse i had to get up and get ready for work (as a receptionist) and it was sooo embarassing having to face everyone with a blackeye. I could also kinda tell people were thinking that I was a victim of domestic abuse! Also of course i didn't get angry with DD, it was a pure accident.

I'd say I get hurt by my children about every second day.... all accidents... getting wacked under the chin and biting your tongue is a very common one too, especially when trying to dress them

[Annikas_Mamma]

I knew it would be hard, sleepless nights, dirty diapers etc, and I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for was the emotional impact of this. I didn't realise that I'd feel rejected by my baby, when she screamed and arched her back. I thought that I'd know exactly what to do, every time she cried. Whilst I can settle her immediately now, back then, we were only just getting to know each other. I had the romantic expectations that motherhood would be what it is like in the TV ads and magazines, all white linen and cuddles. I never expected though, to feel my heart melt, when she is crying in someones elses arms, and stops as soon as I pick her up. It is such an amazing feeling to know that I am her world. Somehow I also expected that I'd still have a clean house... well it isn't dirty as such, but it is messy. It's because we spend pretty much the whole day playing together. I feel like I just don't want to miss a moment. I thought I would never have wanted to breastfeed, and that was true for the first little while. Now, the bond between Annika and I is so deep, that I would love to have breastfeed her, it's now too late.I expected to want the newborn stage to last forever, but in hindsight, I'm so glad it's over, and I'm loving this stage, and looking forward to the next. I never thought I would be one of those mums, that goes to every baby activity etc, but we are out every day of the week.... and I love it. I just love my daughter so so much, more than I could ever have expected. She is my world.

[Catastrophic]

About half way through my pregnancy, my Dp and I split for a short time... So my main concern was how i was going to raise a little one by my self? Would i wake up at night to her? What happens if i wasn't enough?

Reality : I did it by my self - an excelled! It's surprising how much energry you have when you have a little one to look after... And waking up during the night hasn't been a problem, the moment she stirrs i'm awake! I find it harder to deal with when Dp is around, it's like he's stealing my time with her!

i also didn't expect the straight away bond that i got, from the minute i was pregnant, she was my all, my little princess! and then when i pulled her out into the world the bond and love got even stronger... The instint it was like the world stopped and it was just me and her! It's jsut incredible, and i'm getting highly emotional writing this!

[Krisvee]

Hehehe - great topic!

Wow - where do I start?

I thought I'd use cloth nappies, bubba would follow an exact routine that I worked out, sleep all night etc etc
So with all of that it was a lot harder first time round than I expected but also a whole lot more rewarding. I too never imagined I could love my baby like I did. I thought I would want to work but have given that up so that I can be there completely for my babies! I love being there for them and teaching them and I love the cuddles. I love that Louis is at an age now where he's my little buddy and we laugh over all sorts of silly things! I love having Dylan now and really appreciating every moment as I know how quickly it will go!

I'm also extremely tired and have pretty much no time for anything other than the kids and the housework, washing and cooking! LOL! But as with all of you I wouldn't change it for the world! You do forget all the hard times so quickly - it really all does happen in the blink of an eye!

I also can't wait to do it again! hehehe.

[StrawberryMumma]

Awww.. what fantastic responses...there's definitely some common themes amongst everyones posts isn't there!

[kungfubecca]

I have to say I've had a slightly different experience to what your all descibing, although we have only just entred our second week.

I came to terms with all the crying the hard times, the lack of sleep before deciding to have kids. I knew it would be hard etc, etc.

What I didn't expect was to feel the loss of no longer being pregnant. I miss my belly.

[RhiChiChi]

I thought I'd be able to breastfeed and do so until I returned to work, instead ended up formula feeding. Never thought I'd have bubs in bed with us! I thought I'd be able to settle bubs and she would sleep in a routine. I love having dd in bed with us or lying on my chest, it is absolute bliss!
Thought I'd do some form of controlled crying, in fact I hate hearing dd cry and pick her up to calm her immediately.
Thought I'd have time to keep the house clean, cook meals everynight and go out walking or start an exercise program, have a shower in the mornings.....
Thought I'd be able to sleep when bubs sleeps.
Didn't think I'd be so sleep deprived in the early weeks from either listening to dd breathe, waiting for her to wake for a feed or waking b/c I haven't heard her and check to make sure she is still breathing.

[ZigZag]

I knew it would be hard & would be sleep deprived quite a bit. Didn't know it would be so hard to get bub to sleep and the biggest thing, I didn't think it would be so one-sided i.e. the primary carer (mum in most cases) learn the lot about the bub and really pass the info onto the other parent after they come home from work. My hubbie had 4 days at home after home from hospital and I so know for next time he's going to be home for minimum 4 weeks!!!

As a SAHM, I still find I have to pass on the discipline technique etc that I use throughout the day & why it's not working for him. So overall, I guess I wasn't prepared for it to be quite a lonely job.........but I still love it

[Roryrory]

I must say that for me motherhood has been easier than I expected. I expected exactly what most of you girls seemed to have got - a baby who cried, suffered from colic, who I couldn't settle, would have reflux, difficulty BF, mastitis, cracked nipples, problems with DH, etc. What I got was a baby who slept for HOURS as a newborn (so much that I seriously feared he was autistic or brain damaged), the easiest time breastfeeding I have ever heard of, a child with a placid personality who didn't mind being changed or dressed, a DH who was so incredibly supportive during birth, after and to today (so much so that I don't think Flynn has had any negative impact on our relationship at all) and the kind of kid that to this day mums in my mum's group still envy.

I think that having such a negative, but dare I say realistic expectation of motherhood, actually made things pretty easy, and having a child with no health/early settling issues was a godsend. I must admit I had HOPED he would be sleeping thru by now, but even then I expected probs until he was at least two.

I gotta say, I do not expect lightning to strike twice and I TOTALLY expect this baby to be normal LOL!!

ETA: After sleeping on this I think that I underestimated how much of a negative impact motherhood would have on my attitude to my career. As I journey through the hormonal ups and downs of pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding (I have been doing one or the other constantly since August 2005 and if all goes to plan will keep doing so til at least mid-2011!!) I never thought I would waver between hating my job, dying to get back into it, resenting the disruption, back to hating my job and wishing for a career change. That was one roller coaster ride I didn't expect....

[Ambah]

I've been thinking on this further, and another big thing that I did not realise about becoming a mother was that I would lose my 'sense of self' for a long time. This is probably related to the state of shock I mentioned in my earlier post.... because once I had this new baby in my arms, all of sudden I was just not the same anymore... its like I lost much of my individual identity and it was now purely about Aidyn... nearly everything I did and thought about was related to him... The first time I went out without him when he was a few months old, I felt anxious, exposed and uncomfortable - like half of me was missing. As mentioned before, I guess this is all just mothering instinct, to ensure the survival of our young... but it was definitely something I hadn't realised would happen, nor I don't think its something anyone can prepare for!
I wonder if I will feel it as strongly for baby #2 though?

[Janie]

Ditto Ambah! That, along with our long-term Bfing issues, has been the biggest change for me. And coming to terms with having a prem baby, though to a lesser extent than the other issues.

I expected everything else. I KNEW that I would be sleep-deprived etc etc, all the other things you girls have mentioned. I did expect to have some 'normal' amount of difficulty in establishing BFing, but I didn't expect that at 3.5 months it would be perhaps even more tricky, and not likely to improve in the near future. I assumed that because I wanted it so much, and was prepared to work on it, that it would eventually come together. It took me 10 weeks to realise that it doesn't always work like that.

And yes, the loss of sense of self, is somewhat surprising to me. Not in a bad way, it has just been unexpected. I knew I would be besotted with him, but I didn't really realise that my every thought and movement would revolve around him.

[kungfubecca]

Oh my, I've been waking up in the middle of the night before Xavier and then wondering where he is (he's in his cot) but everytime I think that he's in bed with me, and I feel around really gently moving sheets etc looking for him, and then I start to wake up better and realise, lol his in his own bed.

[Roryrory]

another big thing that I did not realise about becoming a mother was that I would lose my 'sense of self' for a long time

Ambah I think that is what is behind my career crisis ATM - a GF said that BF, getting pg, stopping BF and now being 24 weeks pg will would seriously mess with my career mojo, but I think it goes far beyond hormones. I didn't mind being in baby-world when Flynnn was little and I was home full time, but as soon as I started getting back into the swing of work and was lucky enough to fall pg when we planned I started resenting the pull back into that world again. I didn't resent the baby that was to come or even how I would feel once I was there, but knowing that I was just getting a taste of "me" back and having to leave it all again was a real up-and-down experience.

[StrawberryMumma]

Oh my, I've been waking up in the middle of the night before Xavier and then wondering where he is (he's in his cot) but everytime I think that he's in bed with me, and I feel around really gently moving sheets etc looking for him, and then I start to wake up better and realise, lol his in his own bed.

I do the EXACT same thing!

Ambah and Sez- Definitely agree and feel the same as you guys..I don't feel like 'myself' anymore- well not my old self anyway. Guess I'm a 'different' self that's all.

Another thing I didn't really imagine (to this extent anyway), was that everyone that comes over to visit, clearly says they are coming over to see Laila. And that's who they ask about on the phone etc. What about meee?! No one says how am I going! It feels like I am not important enough anymore! I know it sounds silly..Maybe that's something that contributes to the loss of self thing, as it feels like people don't really recognise me as a person anymore...
(I think I have just written a whole heap of rubbish that doesn't make sense! )

[Beach Mama]

I miss my preggie belly. I miss work - aarrrgh I cant believe I said it but its true. I miss the challenge and the adult conversation and debate. I miss the challenge of problem solving and being crazily busy and having to work through it - now its a different challenge of working out why shes not pooing properly or attaching properly etc.

I knew it would be hard - but in that sense of expecting something but not really understanding it IYKWIM.... I never realised how hard a simple trip to coles would be - timing feeds, nappy change, taking and packing a bag...

Lee - I agree with you too - It is hard to go from being the centre of attention in a way when pg (how are you?is the baby kicking? how many weeks are you? have you packed your bags?) to everything being about the baby. My dad forgets to say hi to me when I go over there! And a few times Ive had to fake drop the bottom lip with DH when he comes home because I could swear Ive turned into the Invisible woman!

On the other hand I never expected to love so much and to fall in love every single day. I never expected how I would feel watching my gorgeous DH with my girl...my heart melts every time I hear and see them together. I never knew how protective and selfless I would become as a mother. I never expected to be so proud to call myself a mum and how proud I am whenever I have to say "my daughter" I still pinch myself at times....

Thats enough waffle from me for now - Im getting teary!

[Ambah]

You definitely make sense to me Lee. I don't think its deliberate a lot of the time when people say they are coming over to see bubs, and forget to mention you... I am probably guilty of it myself! But it does just add to the whole 'loss of self' feeling too, doesn't it.

Rory - I can understand what you are saying about just getting back into things and finding a bit of yourself again, and then you have to let it go again!... I will have to prepare for similar feelings come Feb when # 2 is born... as it is I am noticing being pg I am withdrawing again from the outside world and finding it really hard to focus on and be interested in my uni...